I don’t want to love her more than necessary

Dear Agatha, I have been in a relationship with this lady for some few years now. I just realized that this lady has taken over my heart. Hardly do I stay without thinking of her even if my mind is on other things. Please is there a way to reduce the level of love that I have for this lady because it is getting too much for me? Painfully, I realized she doesn’t love me that much due to some of the things she has done. Please how can I reduce the volume of love I have for her? You will be doing me a great favour by helping with this problem. Iyke. Dear Iyke, It isn’t such a bad idea to be in love with the woman in your life. As long as you are both focused, appreciate the reason for your coming together as an item, you don’t have anything to worry about. Why not call your friend for a personal discussion on how you both want the relationship to proceed. First, both of you have to examine the crux of this relationship. If you are unable to pinpoint the reason you went in this relationship with your partner, then something is very wrong somewhere-a valid cause for you to query your feelings as you are doing now. The natural question is; what you had in mind when you approached her for a relationship? What was your motive; to date her for the fun of it or with the hope of spending your entire life together? If your aim was to simply pass through her life, then your reason for being worried about falling deeply in love with her becomes better clearer. You are apprehensive because you never planned to have her in your life for a long time. Therefore, your current feelings present you with issues you never bargained for. It happens. But the best approach isn’t to fight our feelings or hurt the future that is budding. This is because our sub- consciousness recognizes long before we do, what is good for us. It gives us the sign in the way we feel but often than not, we are blinded by our own inordinate desires to pay attention to the silent voice inside of us. This is why we often suffer from disappointment. Love isn’t something that can be controlled. It has a life of its own and happens when and where you don’t expect it. This you must appreciate. Therefore, it is worthless to question your feelings for this lady or even attempt to fight it. Instead you should probe deeper into your mind, why you are falling deeper and deeper in love with her? It is essential to avoid disappointment later in life. As it is, your inner person recognizes something special in this woman you haven’t been able to. Rather than fight your feelings for her, why not try to find out why you are feeling this way? There is something this woman must be doing right to make your heart fond of her against your will. You can never know unless you allow yourself to find out what it is. Bring out your note book and jot down the things you don’t like about her; the reasons you want to scale down your feelings for her. On another fresh page, write down the things she does that make you want to be with her-those qualities you think you cannot find in another woman. This is the junction you tell yourself the whole truth. You cannot afford to do less because your life is pegged on you doing it right. It is only after you are sure of what your true feelings are, that you can talk intelligently on what your true feelings really are. She has to know what your new feelings towards her. Chances are that she is misbehaving and, refusing to allow her heart totally embrace you because of how you both started. If from the beginning, you gave her the impression that you weren’t particularly serious about her, only wanted a casual affair with her, it would be hard for her to give you total commitment. But sitting her down for further discussion and commitments; would help her put things in their right perspective. It is only after you have done this, and there is no change in her attitude, that you can think of scaling down your feelings for her. As it is now, it would be unfair for you to condemn your relationship with this woman based on the current status of your relationship. For some inexplicable reasons, we tend to throw away the most important things in life until it is too late to have them back. This is why a lot of us end up with the wrong persons as life partners. Prevent this from happening to you by taking early steps to be happy in life. The best way is to end the relationship to avoid destroying each other or creating problems in other relationships both of you would go into. Good luck.