Dear Agatha,
I have a girlfriend who doesn’t trust me on the basis of my past life as a Casanova. She actually met me as one, but I have since changed. She is so jealous that she doesn’t want any woman near me. She lacks respect for me, keeps malice, embarrasses me irrespective of where we are, shouts at me at the top of her voice, denies me food in my own house, listens to gossips, believes anything she hears about me without demanding for explanation from me and sleeps outside my home when she is upset with me.
There is no week we don’t quarrel over one issue or the other. She gets upset unnecessarily. I have taken steps to stop all the other girls who used to come to my house from coming since I met her. I have also taken her to see my parents as the woman I want to settle down with.
I had planned to marry her last Christmas, but told her she has to stop all those upsetting things, yet it appears she can’t. On December 31 and January 1, we again quarrelled. She actually told me, as is her manner that she wasn’t interested in the relationship anymore. Like all those other times, she came back to beg for forgiveness. This is about the fourth time she is doing it.
She keeps doing this because she knows I love her. I have just concluded my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC). I am getting fed up with the whole thing.
Do you think I should continue with her or end the relationship to enable me begin something new with another lady?
Agatha, I love her so much, but it is so painful that she prefers to live with my past when I have done everything since I met her to demonstrate my love and loyalty to her. I want to marry two years from, because I know AIDS is real.
Santox.
Dear Sandox,
Have you sat her down, trying to talk to her? Get to know something about her past relationships that are giving her so much insecurity? What makes her think you are still the person you were when she met you? Are you sure that none of the girls you once dated isn’t sponsoring people around her to give her false information about you?
Ending it should not be the first option. Rather, see how you can win her trust.
When issues like this come up, it is always best to sit the other person down for more discussion. Because you love her, you must find a way of getting around the problem of reconciling your present with your past. Let her know that much of her attitude is hurting you as well as the options you are contemplating taking. Also make it very clear to her that after this talk, you may not be disposed towards explaining your past to her again, or take her back when she decides to leave you this time.
By making her realise that being in love so much with her doesn’t leave you without options, including ending this relationship and starting all over again with a woman who trusts and respects you.
You must make her know that you are tired of the many series of embarrassment. In sitting her down for this discussion, don’t be afraid of making her see your anger and despair at her attitude. Also make her see your resolution at ending the relationship if she continues in her present manner. Making her know that you have nothing to lose by ending the relationship while she, on the other hand, has more to lose if you decide to walk away. Don’t ever allow her escape with the impression that your love for her leaves you helpless.
Let her know there is nothing you can do to change your past life, but that you are pleading with her to allow you show her the new you. If after this talk she persists in embarrassing you at will, then you may have to consider the option of ending the relationship, because it means she would find it extremely difficult to forgive you if there is a real need for her to. Relationship lacking in trust and respect may not be able to stand the test of time.
It could just be God’s way of showcasing your incompatibility as a couple. Yes, you may really love her, but without friendship, mutual trust, respect, loyalty and sacrifice, the entire process could turn nasty. Therefore you have to go to God through prayers to be really sure of what you are up to and the way out.
Like everyman, you need the support and respect of the woman you intend spending your life with if you want to succeed in life. In a situation where the woman you intend to marry does as she likes, sleeps outside your home whenever upset, denies you food, embarrasses you at will, then you must take quality time out to reflect on what you really want. Love without peace and respect is like an empty shell of fish at the seaside.
At this point, you really don’t have anything to fear. It is either both of you make up your minds to have a workable relationship or go your different ways. This is the point where you talk reality and not love.
Good luck.
Posts
