With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I appreciate the way you give hope to troubled minds through your column. You are saving a lot of lives through this all-important column. I pray God blesses you.
I’m a guy of 21 years and there’s this girl, 22, I know she likes me so much and has never shied away from letting me know about this.
Although she has everything I would like in a wife but she is not very beautiful. My desire is to marry a woman who is beautiful. I fear I may break her heart on account of this flaw in her. I am anxious because I have this principle that a man should date only the woman he can marry. What do you think?
Troubled Mic.
Dear Troubled Mic,
At 21, you still have a lot of growing up to do in terms of emotional maturity to appreciate life the more. You are yet to get to that point in life when you would need to consider more than the look of a woman to make the right choice.
As you gather experiences in matters of the heart, you will discover that it takes more than the physical appearance of a person to give happiness. The essence of a human being isn’t in how the person looks but in how the person behaves.
Yes, it is advisable and the best policy not to date anyone you cannot get married to, this can only achieve the right results if you scale down on the physical beauty of the person.
Relationship and marriage unlike beauty pageants isn’t fuelled by the physical advantages rather it is framed around who that person is. Who a person goes a long way in defining how much happiness, peace and support that person is capable of giving to another person.
A person could have a very pleasant look on the outside but a real terror at home. As a young man just starting out, it is important you learn to place your priorities to avoid the mistake a lot of men before you made and they biting their fingers for it today.
What should concern you now is how to be this lady’s friend; create an opportunity to know if you both have what it takes to move on. It is also necessary to sound a note of warning here that you get your visions right.
In doing this, you must have a fair idea of where you are headed in the next 10 years from now. This would help you factor in the kind of woman you need to support your dream to reality; point you at the quality of the kind of temperament your woman must have at all times as well as the kind of strength she must have especially if you won’t always be around in the early years. If your vision is to build a successful business, you will need a woman who can function on her own without worrying you about little things such as electricity or minor medical bills. You will need a woman who can manage what she has without nagging you for more. Every man needs a woman who is patient to support his dream to maturity as well as who has the magic to transform a house to a home.
These are not achieved by looks but by dedication to her man and appreciation of her position as the woman in his life. The realisation that she is in his life to help him fulfill his mission on earth is what a man needs to help him move to the next level.
Every man needs the motivation provided by the support of his wife to make the difference in life. A woman who is only interested in her looks and not the character of her home will at the end of the day be a huge disappointment not only to her husband but her children too. Men may be the head of the home but the woman is the pillar that holds everything together. She therefore has to be strong to do this job successfully.
This is where the inner beauty comes into play. This is what gives the physical look its character, its skeleton of support. Every beautiful façade must have the right kind of inner support to remain indelible.
Your girlfriend may not be as beautiful as you want your woman to be but that doesn’t mean she isn’t a beautiful person within her. You can only get to know how beautiful she really is if you get close to her.
Have an opened mind about her. That you are friends with her doesn’t mean you are walking down the aisle immediately. Sail the boat of friendship; this isn’t complicating at all. Take each day as it comes, don’t make promises you may find difficult to keep until you are sure she of the person behind the mask.
A little step at a time helps stabilise so many things.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sexual inexperience is killing my marriage
With Agatha Edo, Email: gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Kindly tell my wife and I what to do to improve our sex life. As a man, my organ is small and my performance cannot last more than five minutes. My wife, on the other hand, is near frigid. She doesn’t contribute a thing to our lovemaking. She leaves the entire job to me.
Our marriage is two years old. I am already thinking our marriage is a mistake. This isn’t what I envisaged when I got married.
Although we both got married as virgins, I believe that lovemaking should be more fun than it currently is between my wife and I.
Deep inside me I feel something is missing in our marriage. I am seriously itching to know what it is.
Please help me.
Frank.
Dear Frank,
Doubtless, sex is fundamental in every marriage. No marriage is able to survive the rigours of two strangers living under the same roof without quality sex.
Your problem is not just about the size of your organ as a man but that of you two, knowing what to do with your bodies. More often than not, size is not as important as knowing the techniques that help a man satisfy his woman as well as his own desires. Size has always been a problem for men. It is either it is too small or too large. For most women, it is a matter of making do with what is available and not a matter of having the perfect fit.
The key to a happy relationship is for you and your wife to be happy with what God has given both of you. You must learn to be proud of what you have if you want her to be comfortable with it. The moment you begin to exhibit inferiority complex about what size you were given, it won’t be you itching to go out for excitement; she would be the one complaining of lack of satisfaction and a thirst to experiment outside. This is why you should learn to manage your situation as a man.
Since she has no record of previous performance to compare with yours, you just have to stop complaining and look for positive ways of ensuring you and her enjoy the liberty of your age and status as a married couple.
As a man, it is your duty to teach your woman how to please you and not the other way round especially as you are her first and only lover. If she is dormant, it is because you haven’t given a reason to be active. It is also a reflection of your knowledge of the game as well as your inability to bring out the woman in her.
More often than not, when a man complains about the failure of his woman to satisfy him in bed, he is unwittingly complaining of his inability to carry his woman along. To make a woman happy in the bedroom, the man must have an understanding of what the woman wants. He must also have a liberal mind, one that would help him give the woman the kind of support to freely express herself.
Frankly, your size isn’t the issue here. Before the advent of plastic surgeries, a lot of men have had to cope with whatever size their packages come in. What you need is a fair knowledge of what lovemaking is all about. You must understand the simple fact that a complete package has different components that help a couple achieve premium satisfaction and each of these are added value to the real thing. The fingers are very explosive tool that can do up to 90 percent of the work before the real thing happens. Just like the fingers, the tongue too does a great job in the rating of the overall performance.
The things here are the willingness of the couple to let go of foundational beliefs as well as the spirit of adventure to explore each other’s bodies.
To help increase your time and by implication your performance, rely more on the use of your fingers and tongue. By the time you are ready for the real thing, your woman would be ready to peak which means both of you would be reaching that point at about the same time.
Because she has been properly stimulated, she won’t even notice if you are pint-sized or not. All that would matter to her at that point is for you to complete the little job left that your hands and tongue have almost finished.
Quality lovemaking requires time, devotion as well as a spirit of adventure. If you and your wife refuse to leave whatever beliefs you came with into your marriage behind, both of you will continue to suffer deprivation in the area that matters most in marriage.
Even if you go outside your marriage, at the end of the day, it still won’t resolve the issue of lovemaking between you and your wife until you overhaul your attitude entirely. It must be done with sincerity as well as the fear of God. To do otherwise is to break up your marriage.
To help get you and your wife out of this situation, you both have to sit down to discuss the value of your intimacy in your union. In discussing this, both of you must come to the meeting with the clear understanding that it is not dirty and forbidden for married couples to enjoy sex. You must understand that it is the right of a married couple to introduce dimension that would help them appreciate the essence of this special gift from God.
Importantly, as human beings, we are given the liberty by the power of our imagination to interpret it to suit our moods and demands.
Once you both are able to appreciate that there is nothing sinful for a married couple to enjoy their intimacy, it becomes easier for other dimensions of the game to be introduced and discussed. It also helps in drawing out the importance of sex to a married couple. With this comes a realisation that sex can be used as an effective communication tool between a couple as well as a good barometer to gauge when extraneous matters creep into it.
Sit her down to discuss her fears, disappointments, pains, wishes and expectations. Every woman has a secret wish. Despite marrying as a virgin, she must have nursed an idea of how she would want her sex life with her man structured.
This is something you should find out. It would help you find out what appeals to her as well as what you should do to draw her out of her shell. Once she is able to come out of her shell, your efforts would be made easier. The reason for the discussion is to build a new life together, to share each other’s dream as well as agree on what is achievable in all the options available.
There is also the need for you both to help your knowledge by watching adult films and reading up literature that would help both of you get your rhythm right.
Always have it at the back of your mind that there is no better woman out there than your wife and that you can help her be an expert like any mistress.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
Kindly tell my wife and I what to do to improve our sex life. As a man, my organ is small and my performance cannot last more than five minutes. My wife, on the other hand, is near frigid. She doesn’t contribute a thing to our lovemaking. She leaves the entire job to me.
Our marriage is two years old. I am already thinking our marriage is a mistake. This isn’t what I envisaged when I got married.
Although we both got married as virgins, I believe that lovemaking should be more fun than it currently is between my wife and I.
Deep inside me I feel something is missing in our marriage. I am seriously itching to know what it is.
Please help me.
Frank.
Dear Frank,
Doubtless, sex is fundamental in every marriage. No marriage is able to survive the rigours of two strangers living under the same roof without quality sex.
Your problem is not just about the size of your organ as a man but that of you two, knowing what to do with your bodies. More often than not, size is not as important as knowing the techniques that help a man satisfy his woman as well as his own desires. Size has always been a problem for men. It is either it is too small or too large. For most women, it is a matter of making do with what is available and not a matter of having the perfect fit.
The key to a happy relationship is for you and your wife to be happy with what God has given both of you. You must learn to be proud of what you have if you want her to be comfortable with it. The moment you begin to exhibit inferiority complex about what size you were given, it won’t be you itching to go out for excitement; she would be the one complaining of lack of satisfaction and a thirst to experiment outside. This is why you should learn to manage your situation as a man.
Since she has no record of previous performance to compare with yours, you just have to stop complaining and look for positive ways of ensuring you and her enjoy the liberty of your age and status as a married couple.
As a man, it is your duty to teach your woman how to please you and not the other way round especially as you are her first and only lover. If she is dormant, it is because you haven’t given a reason to be active. It is also a reflection of your knowledge of the game as well as your inability to bring out the woman in her.
More often than not, when a man complains about the failure of his woman to satisfy him in bed, he is unwittingly complaining of his inability to carry his woman along. To make a woman happy in the bedroom, the man must have an understanding of what the woman wants. He must also have a liberal mind, one that would help him give the woman the kind of support to freely express herself.
Frankly, your size isn’t the issue here. Before the advent of plastic surgeries, a lot of men have had to cope with whatever size their packages come in. What you need is a fair knowledge of what lovemaking is all about. You must understand the simple fact that a complete package has different components that help a couple achieve premium satisfaction and each of these are added value to the real thing. The fingers are very explosive tool that can do up to 90 percent of the work before the real thing happens. Just like the fingers, the tongue too does a great job in the rating of the overall performance.
The things here are the willingness of the couple to let go of foundational beliefs as well as the spirit of adventure to explore each other’s bodies.
To help increase your time and by implication your performance, rely more on the use of your fingers and tongue. By the time you are ready for the real thing, your woman would be ready to peak which means both of you would be reaching that point at about the same time.
Because she has been properly stimulated, she won’t even notice if you are pint-sized or not. All that would matter to her at that point is for you to complete the little job left that your hands and tongue have almost finished.
Quality lovemaking requires time, devotion as well as a spirit of adventure. If you and your wife refuse to leave whatever beliefs you came with into your marriage behind, both of you will continue to suffer deprivation in the area that matters most in marriage.
Even if you go outside your marriage, at the end of the day, it still won’t resolve the issue of lovemaking between you and your wife until you overhaul your attitude entirely. It must be done with sincerity as well as the fear of God. To do otherwise is to break up your marriage.
To help get you and your wife out of this situation, you both have to sit down to discuss the value of your intimacy in your union. In discussing this, both of you must come to the meeting with the clear understanding that it is not dirty and forbidden for married couples to enjoy sex. You must understand that it is the right of a married couple to introduce dimension that would help them appreciate the essence of this special gift from God.
Importantly, as human beings, we are given the liberty by the power of our imagination to interpret it to suit our moods and demands.
Once you both are able to appreciate that there is nothing sinful for a married couple to enjoy their intimacy, it becomes easier for other dimensions of the game to be introduced and discussed. It also helps in drawing out the importance of sex to a married couple. With this comes a realisation that sex can be used as an effective communication tool between a couple as well as a good barometer to gauge when extraneous matters creep into it.
Sit her down to discuss her fears, disappointments, pains, wishes and expectations. Every woman has a secret wish. Despite marrying as a virgin, she must have nursed an idea of how she would want her sex life with her man structured.
This is something you should find out. It would help you find out what appeals to her as well as what you should do to draw her out of her shell. Once she is able to come out of her shell, your efforts would be made easier. The reason for the discussion is to build a new life together, to share each other’s dream as well as agree on what is achievable in all the options available.
There is also the need for you both to help your knowledge by watching adult films and reading up literature that would help both of you get your rhythm right.
Always have it at the back of your mind that there is no better woman out there than your wife and that you can help her be an expert like any mistress.
Good luck.
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