Dear Agatha,
Thanks for the millions you have released from bondage through your column.
Agatha, I have a very caring, loving and respectful wife. But I have a problem; I suffer from premature ejaculation when we make love. Although she has never complained but I know it is for only a while before she starts nagging.
For now, she only cuddles me and tells me not to worry that it's my nature. Yet I have a feeling I don't satisfy her.
Please help me because she has been very good to me all through the three years of our marriage.
Chuka.
Dear Chuka,
Can you remember anytime that you had a healthy ejaculation? Is your case simply that of premature ejaculation or weak erection? Have you always had premature ejaculation? Did you at anytime indulge in masturbation? What are the experiences of your wife? Are you both ready to explore other means that would help improve on your sex life?
If you were normal until you got married, then it might have to do with stress or anxiety. Is there anything in your marriage or work that is bringing the stress? Are you on some drugs like some food supplements or indulge in excessive alcohol consumption? Do you smoke?
Any of these habits can trigger your problem. But it is important you first get a clear bill of health from the doctor to eliminate the presence of any medical problem, if haven’t consult one yet.
Check your social habits for clues that might be responsible for this. When dealing with such a highly emotional matter, it pays to look at both the mundane and the important things. To help you arrive at a conclusive result, begin the elimination of some of these habits.
Worries may not be so easy a thing to do away with but if you put the feelings of your wife and the health of your home into consideration, whatever it is that could be bothering you would be easier for you to manage because your situation would only be made complex if your wife begins to complain.
If it is none of these, did you ever get hooked on masturbation? The essence of this question is to help you again adjust to making love with a woman. While masturbation may be a healthy sex habit for both men and women, it is not so healthy in the long run for a man because once his body get used to ejaculating at a certain period of time, getting used to the needs of his woman may present him with a huge problem. This is because it is very difficult for a woman to reach premium whereas, a man can get ready for climax within the shortest possible period.
Excessive dependence on self-stimulation only helps him cut down his time of performance with a woman. If this is the case, you would need the help of your woman to get you back on track.
First, you would need to explain the reasons to her. For her to understand the extra role she is supposed, she has to be told the whole truth. So don’t hold anything back from her. You would both need each other’s expertise and knowledge of the game of lovemaking to get going. If she came with no experience, don’t worry; just show the lead by telling her where to touch on your body while you do the same thing with hers. If you feel the urge to come while this is still going on, don’t worry, do it because by the time she is ready to get going, you would almost be ready to go again.
Releasing before fore-play is concluded is to help ease you into her fulfillment. Once you come while fore-play is going on, you would be able to hold back until she is ripe for hers during the actual act. This segment requires imagination, open mindedness, honesty and a spirit of pure adventure.
Therefore, it is imperative you give your woman the encouragement as well as the trust to help you overcome your problem. Asking senseless questions or exhibiting reservations to her initiative might compel her to keep her knowledge to herself and to adopt the attitude of complaining about your performance.
Also listen to her suggestions. For most women, it isn’t the act that is as important as all the extras that go into the process of getting to the zenith.
Even if your situation is natural, doing this would help ease the tension in the bedroom. Sometimes most sexual problems men complain of are more psychological than physical. Either the man thinks his organ is too small or that he is not doing enough to please his woman.
Most times when men complain about premature ejaculation, it is only because they come before their women not necessarily that they have any problem with their ability.
This is because our society is still rigid and very forbidding about the way sex is viewed and discussed. Beyond having sex, the majority of men know next to nothing about their bodies let alone about the body of the woman.
It is so unfortunate because sex being an integral part of human life should not be so neglected or consigned to under the table discussions. Today, a lot of marriages like yours are experiencing serious problem but easy to solve problems due to our penchant for playing pretences over important and critical matters.
Learning about one’s body and knowing what works for one is positive especially for women. This is because it takes a longer time and stimulation for women to peak. The role of self-examination is to have a guidebook of the body. When couples equip themselves with this guidebook, it helps to roughen difficult edges one of them may be having with his or her own performance.
Also, it would help a lot of men to drop the social condemnation placed on women who present themselves as experts on love-making. It would help most men get over the issue of premature ejaculations as well as weak erection.
The moment men and women unite in body, spirit, love, trust and faith to tackle sexually related issues, most marriages would be happier.
This is precisely what you should do; give your wife all the support and encouragement to help you with whatever knowledge she has of sex. There is nothing masculine or feminine about sex, because the bottom line is fulfillment.
You and your wife can get books or videos that teach couples with your problem on self aid guides.
Good luck.
Thanks for the millions you have released from bondage through your column.
Agatha, I have a very caring, loving and respectful wife. But I have a problem; I suffer from premature ejaculation when we make love. Although she has never complained but I know it is for only a while before she starts nagging.
For now, she only cuddles me and tells me not to worry that it's my nature. Yet I have a feeling I don't satisfy her.
Please help me because she has been very good to me all through the three years of our marriage.
Chuka.
Dear Chuka,
Can you remember anytime that you had a healthy ejaculation? Is your case simply that of premature ejaculation or weak erection? Have you always had premature ejaculation? Did you at anytime indulge in masturbation? What are the experiences of your wife? Are you both ready to explore other means that would help improve on your sex life?
If you were normal until you got married, then it might have to do with stress or anxiety. Is there anything in your marriage or work that is bringing the stress? Are you on some drugs like some food supplements or indulge in excessive alcohol consumption? Do you smoke?
Any of these habits can trigger your problem. But it is important you first get a clear bill of health from the doctor to eliminate the presence of any medical problem, if haven’t consult one yet.
Check your social habits for clues that might be responsible for this. When dealing with such a highly emotional matter, it pays to look at both the mundane and the important things. To help you arrive at a conclusive result, begin the elimination of some of these habits.
Worries may not be so easy a thing to do away with but if you put the feelings of your wife and the health of your home into consideration, whatever it is that could be bothering you would be easier for you to manage because your situation would only be made complex if your wife begins to complain.
If it is none of these, did you ever get hooked on masturbation? The essence of this question is to help you again adjust to making love with a woman. While masturbation may be a healthy sex habit for both men and women, it is not so healthy in the long run for a man because once his body get used to ejaculating at a certain period of time, getting used to the needs of his woman may present him with a huge problem. This is because it is very difficult for a woman to reach premium whereas, a man can get ready for climax within the shortest possible period.
Excessive dependence on self-stimulation only helps him cut down his time of performance with a woman. If this is the case, you would need the help of your woman to get you back on track.
First, you would need to explain the reasons to her. For her to understand the extra role she is supposed, she has to be told the whole truth. So don’t hold anything back from her. You would both need each other’s expertise and knowledge of the game of lovemaking to get going. If she came with no experience, don’t worry; just show the lead by telling her where to touch on your body while you do the same thing with hers. If you feel the urge to come while this is still going on, don’t worry, do it because by the time she is ready to get going, you would almost be ready to go again.
Releasing before fore-play is concluded is to help ease you into her fulfillment. Once you come while fore-play is going on, you would be able to hold back until she is ripe for hers during the actual act. This segment requires imagination, open mindedness, honesty and a spirit of pure adventure.
Therefore, it is imperative you give your woman the encouragement as well as the trust to help you overcome your problem. Asking senseless questions or exhibiting reservations to her initiative might compel her to keep her knowledge to herself and to adopt the attitude of complaining about your performance.
Also listen to her suggestions. For most women, it isn’t the act that is as important as all the extras that go into the process of getting to the zenith.
Even if your situation is natural, doing this would help ease the tension in the bedroom. Sometimes most sexual problems men complain of are more psychological than physical. Either the man thinks his organ is too small or that he is not doing enough to please his woman.
Most times when men complain about premature ejaculation, it is only because they come before their women not necessarily that they have any problem with their ability.
This is because our society is still rigid and very forbidding about the way sex is viewed and discussed. Beyond having sex, the majority of men know next to nothing about their bodies let alone about the body of the woman.
It is so unfortunate because sex being an integral part of human life should not be so neglected or consigned to under the table discussions. Today, a lot of marriages like yours are experiencing serious problem but easy to solve problems due to our penchant for playing pretences over important and critical matters.
Learning about one’s body and knowing what works for one is positive especially for women. This is because it takes a longer time and stimulation for women to peak. The role of self-examination is to have a guidebook of the body. When couples equip themselves with this guidebook, it helps to roughen difficult edges one of them may be having with his or her own performance.
Also, it would help a lot of men to drop the social condemnation placed on women who present themselves as experts on love-making. It would help most men get over the issue of premature ejaculations as well as weak erection.
The moment men and women unite in body, spirit, love, trust and faith to tackle sexually related issues, most marriages would be happier.
This is precisely what you should do; give your wife all the support and encouragement to help you with whatever knowledge she has of sex. There is nothing masculine or feminine about sex, because the bottom line is fulfillment.
You and your wife can get books or videos that teach couples with your problem on self aid guides.
Good luck.
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