Dear Agatha,
I am in love with a married woman who has three children. She is the first woman I have ever really fallen in love with. It is so difficult for me to stay away from her. All my friends are making fun of me and insisting that I leave her alone but I can’t. Please help me out.
Michael.
Dear Michael,
You can’t or won’t? How does it make you feel dating another man’s woman? Happy and contended that you are destroying another man’s home? Were she your wife, would you be happy at the thought of someone else sharing her with you?
Are you supporting her to be a faithful woman or one that is uncaring as well as insensitive to the feelings and image of her husband?
What is so special about her that is lacking in all the other women you have seen so far?
Irrespective of what you feel for her or the reasons she has for going outside her home to have an affair, she is forbidden to you or any man other than her husband.
She isn’t available to be loved by any other man except the father of her children. If you really love her as much as you claim, you would do anything possible to ensure she works assiduously to keep her vows to her man since there is no marriage without problems or stressful moments.
If she cannot find the determination to make her marriage work or the moral will to stay within her vows, what makes you think you are the only man outside her marriage she is dating?
Any woman who can afford to be insincere to one man, especially her husband, can do that to any other man with ease without thinking twice. If this woman is involved in romance with you in spite of being married, it only goes to show that she is a woman who cannot be trusted at all.
Your determination to go on with the relationship shows you are not responsible and lack the fear of God because if you do, you would never do anything that would destroy the happiness of another man irrespective of the temptation the body of the this woman offers you.
The marriage institution is the most sacred of all. God designed it not just for procreation purpose but to ensure we all stay responsible. It also demands us to be above board when it comes to how we deal with our own marriages but most especially how we treat other peoples’ happiness. Infringing on the happiness of others means you are not desirous of being happy in your own marriage.
You can only appreciate the gravity of what you are doing if you plan happiness for yourself in life. To this end what are your own values and dreams for your own marriage?
Do you plan to have a wife another man would share with you? One who doesn’t think anything wrong about sleeping around with other men, one whose children’s paternity you cannot vouch for?
Dating another man’s wife comes with a lot of physical as well as spiritual complications; these are the type of consequences that never go away; one which unless God is merciful, every successive member of the family suffers from.
The unfortunate thing about all these is you won’t be able to control the aftermath of what you have gotten yourself into because God is fair to everyone.
Even if her husband has done anything to deserve what is happening to him and his marriage, the fact remains that you should not allow yourself to be dragged into a situation that would leave you very bitter and unhappy later in life.
This is because while you may escape the full impact, your children might not be that fortunate. More often than not they end up becoming the worst victims of our impulsive actions as well as our stubbornness in matters we should have applied fear of God and wisdom. What you are engaged in is capable of leaving your entire descendants with unhappy marriages if the husband of this woman cries to God for justice.
Therefore, no matter the temptation the body of this woman offers you, for the sake of everything good you believe in, give her up. She isn’t worth you bringing on a curse you will never be able to overcome in your lifetime.
A woman worth her salt would never give up on her marriage by engaging in extra marital affairs. If she isn’t satisfied in her marriage, the best she can do is to quit, not jump on the bed of the first man she sees.
Marriage is a commitment for eternity; one that takes sacrifices, tolerance, devotion, plenty of prayers as well as unconditional love to navigate into stability. Her affairs with you shows she doesn’t understand what she wants in life as well as a woman lacking in moral values. Such a woman would only lead any man she is involved with to destruction. Even if she were single, it is obvious she isn’t the type of woman you should be involved with. To continue to ignore the well-meaning counsel of your friends is to sign your permanent death warrant.
To avert the consequences of your action on your children and your entire generation, go to God in repentance as well as prayers. Ask Him for forgiveness at being part of the destruction of another man’s marriage; of causing another man pains and regrets in his life as well as causing God disappointment.
After this, do everything you can to avoid this woman completely. I appreciate that the forbidden things are the ones most difficult to ignore or resist. For this reason, put as much distance between you and this woman. Relocate to a place where it would be impossible for both of you to meet as freely and easily as you currently do. This is the classic instance of fleeing from the devil to be able to fight another day.
With you around, there is no way she would come to the realisation that she has to fight for her marriage or give it the required attention as well as devotion to make it work. Remember, you are not doing this for her but for your own future as well as those of your unborn generation. Like I earlier said, this woman isn’t worth it so don’t because of her mortgage your entire future as well as that of your innocent descendants.
Whatever pleasure she gives you, there are plenty of single and eligible females ready to give you more so why her? She is completely forbidden and poisonous to any man outside her husband. The spiritual lethal substance in her could send you into an early grave hence your need to run as fast as you can.
Good luck.
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