Monday, January 7, 2013

Is she playing with my emotions?

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I am a man of 28 years of age dating a 23 year old lady. We started dating about four months ago and I love this girl very much because she has all the qualities I want in a woman. But, my problem is, I don’t know her at all. There was a time I called her on phone and heard a guy’s voice. When I asked for the identity of the man, she told me he was her brother who came for a visit. I asked that the phone be given to him so I can speak with him. I asked him about his studies as well as his department. I discovered he is also in the same department as my girlfriend. During the course of our conversation, he said my girlfriend had told him so much about me. I was confused because all along, my girlfriend gave me the impression that her brother was working. Agatha, do you think this girl loves me? Could that boy be her school boyfriend? Could she be using me? I am confused. Please help me. Confused Boyfriend. Dear Confused Boyfriend, Both of you are just starting out hence need time to know each other. Commitment isn’t something that happens in a day, it takes a length of time and devotion to make it come out in the right texture. Nothing would work between the two of you if you begin to question or suspect every move she makes or her motive. Both of you are coming from different backgrounds as well as lives. Before you, she had a life just as you had one too. She may not have totally disengaged from a relationship she was in before you came along. The average girl these days likes to slowly, dip one foot into the river before making up her mind on whether to put in the second foot. It is a kind of security because just as men are afraid of being disappointed, women too are scared of having their hearts broken by men. It is a matter of trust for a couple to make a relationship work well. What you should do is to pretend you haven’t noticed anything. It takes a lot of sacrifices to achieve a good relationship. In every relationship, one person must be gentle and deeper in wisdom than the other person. As one aspiring to be the head of a home, you have to learn to cope with the nature of a woman. You have only just met four months ago. It would take more than this time for you to know who she is. There is a huge difference between who and what we all are. Unless she has only one brother, this one could be another brother in school. Besides, he could be a close cousin. You will look stupid if after reacting negatively, the man turns out to be who she says he is. This is why you have to make the sacrifice of lack of complaint. Learn it as a virtue if you want to live with a woman successfully. Like a house, a relationship must have a very solid foundation to be able to carry the weight of the building that would stand on it. If the architect and structural engineer don’t work hand in hand to ensure that the right materials are used in the right places, such a building may collapse eventually or develop severe problems later in life. The same thing goes for a relationship. You and your girlfriend must come to the drawing board with dummy visuals of the kind of relationship you want to have. Both of you must agree to something that would work for both of you. To do it right and get the kind of commitment needed to drive it to complete fulfillment, you have to go the extra mile. Don’t also forget at 23, she may not be as ready as you are. At her age, a lot of men would definitely be around her, seeking her attention. This is the time a man, waits with the patience of the dove. To get it right with her and earn her trust, be a good friend; don’t frighten her too much with too many questions for now. Like a child feeling its way through slippery terrains, be cautious until you have the confidence of her character to insist on certain things. She may really be in love with you for now but if she discovers you are too suspicious, she may out of fear retreat. It can really hurt when one isn’t guilty of an offence he or she is being accused of. I am sure you also have one or two female friends or relations in your life that will never leave your life. This boy could just be that kind of friend whose real identity she is afraid to divulge to you for fear of what you would say. If she isn’t used to sharing her thoughts or life with anyone, it would take a while for her to begin to. A lot would depend on the kind of friendship you are offering her. Don’t forget that we are only ambassadors of the different environments we grew up in. just like you are a product of your background, she is also a reflection of all the different people and friends she has come into contact with. It is too early to think she is out to deceive you. Get to know her better to avoid you coming to the wrong conclusions. A little dose of patience will answer all your questions clearly. Good luck.

She complains all the time about my size

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com, gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com Dear Agatha, I commend you for your effort in answering the so many questions to our problems. I am a married man but my wife is always complaining about the smallness of my manhood. I don’t want to take drug due to its side effect in future, so I want you to advise me on ways of enlarging my male organ. I would prefer a natural method. I would sincerely appreciate an urgent response. S.Y. Dear S.Y., It is amazing the way most men worry about the size of their manhood. One would have thought with the amount of information on sex, men would stop to worry about the size and concentrate more on what can be achieved with what they have. Sincerely, for most women, size may not matter as much as the effectiveness of the act provided men are ready to break new grounds as well as do away with traditional stereotypes that insist sex is a forbidden thing, done only for procreation and should not be recreational. Within the bounds of marriage, such stereotypes only serve to dull excitement embedded in the marriage package. This is why men continue to think size is the same thing as efficiency and authority. Women respect the efficiency and the sense of responsibility of a man, not the size of his manhood. Therefore, there is nothing stopping a man with smaller manhood from sexually satisfying a woman. This is because only the first few inches of the virginal are sexually receptive hence once a man is able to have contact with the outer rim he can satisfy his woman sexually. Besides, the clitoris is placed where any size can reach it. God in His infinite wisdom designed the woman’s body in such a way that she gets satisfaction and give it to any man even if small sized. Size is more psychological than biological. It only becomes an issue if couples allow it a place of pride in their relationships. This is one question I get asked all the time no matter the answer I give. In the first place, nobody can tell what the ideal size of a woman’s breasts or male organ should be but a recent survey puts the average size of an active male organ at between 5.5 to 6.3 inches. But the majority falls between 4.7 and 5.1 inches. However, the secret to complete happiness is for a man to be happy with what he has because that is what makes him unique. This is the point you must learn to accept. Yes, your wife has an opinion but you must make her understand that your size has nothing to do with your ability to satisfy her. If she loves you, she would not leave you for another man no matter the challenge with your size. What you both need is a lot of imagination as well as the openness to experiment without reservations. When it comes to the art of lovemaking, size and width do not matter as much as the imagination of a couple. Some men are excessively endowed but find it extremely difficult to get any woman to stay with them because of the inability of most women to accommodate them. To get a woman to stay with them such men must learn, just like less endowed men to rely more on their hands, tongues and mouth to get the female going. This is the art that makes one experience different from the other. Because love within a marriage is meant to be expressed beyond measure, a definite gift from God, you and your wife must first bury whatever prejudices you both grew up with. To get to the kernel, lot of work, perseverance, interest as well as determination must first be deployed towards cracking the shell. The same principle applies to the art of lovemaking, especially where a couple hits a challenge like yours. You, being the one with the perceived problem must be willing to do everything within limits to ensure your partner doesn’t escape with the feeling of being cheated or angry at being deceived by you into a union she won’t get the maximum sexual satisfaction from. To this end you must encourage her to speak out her mind at every point, listen to her suggestions on how to please her as well as follow her initiatives with a clear mind. Like every other thing in life, lovemaking isn’t static. It must be constantly upgraded and distilled to give a couple the right blend. This means a couple must not only strive to achieve excellence but must do everything to patent their own act to fit into their uniqueness. For example, the technique that works for your friend and his partner may not work for you because they don’t have the challenge you and your partner have. So you must first evaluate not only the urgent problems but all those that are hidden as well. For instance, is the issue only that of you not having the ideal length of manhood? Would having the ideal length solve the problem of your lack of sexual satisfaction once and for all? Remember that for most women, satisfaction and not the size of the male organ is what matters at the end of the day. Make her talk and give her the concomitant freedom to really express herself on the matter. Don’t shut her up, feel bad or get suspicious when she is making her opinion on the matter known. Although she is your wife, her needs must be given the same recognition as yours to be happy with the choice she made to love you unconditionally. The danger of not involving her in your quest for solutions is the possibility of losing her completely to another man. This is one salient fact you must not overlook. She has the right to discontinue if she feels she is not being given the right to her desires. This is why you must enlist her help. So tell your wife to stop complaining and think of productive ways of achieving sexual satisfaction with you. Tell her she has all the freedom in the world to use her imagination to help both of you become better lovers because you are both licensed by God and man to tap into sex unlimited nectar. This is the only way to make her stop complaining as well as secure her only understanding and support to make her happy. You have to break away from the traditions that insist sexual satisfaction falls under the exclusive male list. This is the point: men and the society create problems within the marriage institution. When there is a sexual dissatisfaction within the marriage framework, irrespective of who is complaining, it behooves the couple to adopt a liberal and sincere attitude towards its solution. Frankly, when it comes to the delicate issue of sex, it is neither a man’s nor woman’s world. Rather, it is a world of happiness and satisfaction. What you should do is to look for quality books that talk about positions and postures couples seeking ultimate joy in sex should adopt. There are some positions that seem to give more volume to the male organ. Google the internet for information on such books or ask your book retailer. These books are not pornography materials, rather they are well researched quality books put together by highly educated individuals who from years of researches know that sex to man is as important as the air we all breathe. Once man is able to overcome the pretenses and admit to the essence of sex, solutions to sexual challenges become very easy. As for your second question, yes, there are ways to increase the size of a male organ but some of them are dubious which is why it is very important a couple works at finding its own rhythm, rather than concentrating efforts at getting a solution that might not be forth coming or could lead to more emotional and psychological frustrations at the end of the day. There are penile enhancement surgeries where penis can be lengthened to more than 10 inches. But the urgent question is, how would you determine the depth of your woman’s body? The average for a woman is about four to eight inches which means your woman might not be able to accommodate you if you are very huge. Do you really want to get into measuring your anatomy like a tailor measuring clothes? Would your wife in her quest to make you have the right size allow her depth to be measured so that you are done to fit her perfectly? In addition, these operations cost real money because they fall within the category of plastic surgery. Do you have the money and at the end of the day, would the fee charged be worth the satisfaction? There are also many herbal pills and exercises that claim to increase size but you may have to go to NAFDAC to get the list of such drugs cleared for human consumption. It would be interesting to know what animals these drugs claiming this magic were first tested on before releasing them for human consumption. Believe me, your imagination and willingness to experiment remain your best bet. Don’t forget that God that made both of you an item already knows why and has given both of you the individual as well as collective strength to achieve the impossible together. There is subject or problem He is ignorant of. Asking Him for help and wisdom would also help you and your wife greatly. Good luck.