Dear Agatha,
I just want to say that you are God sent. I am very confident that you will solve my problem the way you resolve other people’s problems.
February last year I was expelled from school due to examination malpractice for helping someone I loved and thought was in love with me write her examination.
I developed the habit of helping write her examination from our first year in school. It was in our final year that luck ran out on me. I got caught, faced the school senate and was found guilty that led to my expulsion from school.
During this period she was extra nice to me, always there for me because I lied to the senate that I wrote the examinations for her without her knowledge and permission because she wasn’t feeling fine.
She currently serves (NYSC) in Lagos and sometimes invites me over to spend time with her almost every month until January this year when she eventually got a job and the whole story changed.
She stopped calling me and when I call her, she would refuse to pick her call except I hid my number or use a pay phone. Three months after, I decided to visit her and was told she had moved out by one of her close friends who lived close to her. She was surprised that I didn’t know my girlfriend had packed out. She volunteered to take me to her new apartment, a three bedroom flat.
Agatha, can you believe she didn’t even tell me all these until I saw things for myself. Her friend didn’t bother to follow me inside. She simply pointed the house to me and left with the excuse of having an important thing to do elsewhere.
A young man in boxers called out to her to come and see who was looking for her. When she saw me she was shocked but recovered sufficiently to deny knowing me. I got angry and raised my voice at her prompting the man to come out to ask what the problem was. She called me a tout, a thief as well as one of those 419 people who move around.
Left with no choice, I told the man the entire story about us, but she kept denying it. He ordered me to leave, but I refused insisting I made her who she is and that he has no right to take her away from me.
We eventually got into a fight, which landed both of us at the Police Station. He was released that day because I fought him in his house while I was detained for two days before I was allowed to go when a close friend of mine showed up.
Agatha, I want to know where I went wrong. She has forgotten so soon that I became a drop out because of her.
She would be getting married by next month. Should I go and disrupt the wedding ceremony during the church service?
It has been six months now. I am lonely and heartbroken. I need you to hook me up with someone who will love me for who I am. I know my story is very shameful, but I simply must move on. I don’t want to die young. Each day I get inspiration from your page, hence inspired to share this with you. Please I need you to help me fast.
This is my number, 07059237604. The interested woman should from this beginning to appreciate me for who I am. I also want to thank Independent Newspaper Limited for this column.
Luwis.
Dear Luwis,
It is unfortunate you have to be so treated by the woman you thoughtlessly gave up your future for. Being in love doesn’t mean one should be stupid and careless. Love is about responsibility for the person you are in love with and to yourself.
Writing her examinations from your first year until your final year when you were caught isn’t love. In the first place, you weren’t doing her any good by taking such thoughtless risks for her.
What you should have done then was to help her with her studies, not write all her examinations for her.
Her attitude isn’t new. She has always manifested it, but because you were too busy and involved with your feelings for her, you didn’t bother to notice. A woman truly in love would have elected at the most crucial point of your rustication to tell the truth with the intentions of trying to get you off the hook.
You were just a willing tool for her to go through the university.
As things are now, don’t make further fool of yourself by trying to fight your way back into her life. Despite your present pitiable condition, she doesn’t deserve you, and you don’t need such a cold-minded woman in your life.
To have denied knowing you, called you a fraudster shows she is capable of doing anything. So, beware and allow her be. She was never meant to be yours and would never be.
Going to her wedding ceremony is needless. You will only be humiliating yourself the more and exposing issues you shouldn’t. Rather, give God all the glory for allowing what happened to you, because if you are serious you will use it to rise again.
Rather than waste precious time trailing her, trying to make her pay for your self-imposed sacrifices, why not think of going back to school. You may have been rusticated from one university, but that doesn’t mean life must come to an end for you.
Get a job and go back for a part-time programme. It is the only way to show people like her that you may be down now, but not out. Hope only comes to an end when one is dead. You are still alive and able to regain much more than you have lost before.
The lesson in all this is simply for you to be honest and focused in life. Had you a focus back then, you would have been careful about doing what you did. Your focus would have been your target.
The only way to get back at this lady is to stop acting desperately, do something useful with your life. Yes, you need a woman to fill the void created by loneliness, but you also need a dream, quality life to be able to keep this woman happy. Your new woman should be made to cope with your mistakes of the past.
Again, to be truly happy with yourself, as well as trust any woman the debris of the past must be thoroughly swept away. And it is only by going back to school and making a useful life (for yourself) that this can be possible.
I appreciate the pains of beginning something you have gone through before, but at the end of the day, it is your only way of revenge, especially to this woman who thinks life has come to an end for you.
A man must have a dream in life to be called a man. Wallowing in pity would only serve to justify her reason for quitting the relationship. In life, there is no room for self-pity. All the time you were going to her, she saw self-pity as well as desperation by you to continue to hold her accountable and responsible for what befell you. Remember, when the chips are down, it was your choice to sit for all her examinations, she didn’t force you to. Always remember this bitter pill of reality, because herein lies your ability to rise again from all these.
At this point, learn to pray for strength as well as determination to move beyond this point.
I am sure an interested woman would get in touch with you through the number you have left.
Good luck.
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