Dear Agatha,
How does one handle a severe heartbreak? I didn’t do anything to my boyfriend, but he suddenly stopped calling and accepting my calls. He won’t even respond to the several text messages I sent him. We live in different states, but his close friends there with him kept calling, urging me to be patient with him, and arguing that it was a phase that will soon fade.
We had discussed the possibility of getting married in January, but as things stand now, I don’t know what to do. To be frank, I don’t understand him, as he appears so complex.
Right now, I feel like ending it all, because I can’t handle my love for him or his attitude towards me. Please help me. I want to end it but something keeps telling me not to.
Heart-broken Girl.
Dear Heart-broken Girl,
Hearts are meant to be broken and mended when one is matured enough to fall in love. It is an experience both the young, old, strong, weak, rich and poor go through. When our hearts break, there is a lesson God wants us to learn from the whole thing. That we are heart-broken at times doesn’t mean the relationship has come to an end, when it comes in the middle of a relationship, it is meant to help it grow along the right path.
God that knows both of you more than anyone else could be using this period to prepare you especially for the challenges ahead of you in the life of this man. Without experiencing the pains of longing for him as well as missing him, the right attitude to deal with later challenges will not be there, hence may take decisions that would end up being regrettable. Even if this relationship doesn’t work at the end of the day, at least the lessons of it will help you in your next one.
Since something is telling you not to end it, listen to the counsel of his friends who are pleading for patience. With patience comes understanding. You need to understand that he isn’t as perfect as you made him out to be, that as a human being, he could hurt and cause you deep pains like any other person.
The essence of this pain is to expose you to the power of your feelings for this man. It is intended to point you at the real person within which the flaw he is now manifesting. It could be God’s way of asking you how far are you prepared to go as well as your ability to forgive him to enable you perform the job He brought you to do in his life.
Everyman and woman have a defined role God assigned them in the lives of their partners. To help Him achieve His purpose, certain things are allowed to happen to us to get us through the grill.
Suicide is a weak man’s option. From time to time, send him text messages even if he doesn’t reply, declaring your love for him. If you can afford it go and visit him. But if you fear rejection don’t, at least until the picture becomes clearer. He hasn’t said he is ending it, but simply refusing to respond to your calls and text messages. If you end it on your own and he comes back to accuse you of impatience and lack of understanding of his person, he would appear blameless while you would be guilty. So take your time in making up your mind. Every relationship going through crisis is entitled to its day in court as well as period of healing.
While I appreciate that his attitude is very disturbing, and signals a possible change of heart, don’t assume everything you see to be real. If something is telling you not to end it, listen to the voice, it could be God speaking to you directly and offering to help you overcome this stage. Allow His presence to come into your life. Whatever the reason your man has for treating you this way would soon become manifest.
To help yourself through this trying period, learn to take each day as it comes. The day you feel the urge to hear from him, send him a text message at least to remind him you still care. Other days, you can manage it, remove your mind from him and concentrate on what it is you do. Listen to music you like, from experience, it is very therapeutic, read the Bible and learn to talk less to friends who may put pressure on you to do what you don’t want to do. It is always best the final decision of what to do in a relationship comes from the person involved and not as a result of pressures. If the process is permanent, you will forget him, but if meant to qualify the relationship, he would come back to you after a while.
Just keep praying for him too, to overcome whatever temptation confronting him.
Good luck.
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