Sunday, August 9, 2009

Pressure On Me To Ascertain If We’re Sexually Compatible


Dear Agatha.


I just want to start by thanking you for the great work you have been doing in people’s lives. In fact God will bless you in millionfold.


Agatha. I am a 35-year-old man, planning marriage but I am very scared about what people are saying about the institution as well as the experiences of others.


I know the Bible forbids sex out of wedlock so the place the problem comes in now is that friends keep telling me to have sex with my partner before marriage because I need to know if we can both get the desired sexual fulfillment being with each other. These friends say if l don’t have sex with her now, how would I be able to ascertain our sexual compatibility.


They spice their argument with vivid examples of women and men who go outside their homes to find sexual fulfillments because they don’t get the satisfaction they expect from their legitimate partners.


Is it also true that some women find it difficult to accommodate certain men in their bodies because of the sheer size of their male organs? Please I really want to be educated. These friends go further to tell me such ladies go outside to find other partners whose organs are normal. They also say the same case of unsuitability would occur if the organ is too small.


It is against this background they are pressuring me to go all the way with my woman before taking her to the altar.


Agatha, I am actually considering doing it because of the reasons they have advanced. I feel convinced by their reasons. Could you please help me on what to do? I am really confused now and I don’t want to have a broken home in future


Jay.



Dear Jay,

I am very familiar with the various logics your friends have propounded to put you into the web of confusion you are now in.


I equally agree that what is happening in our society and the world over make such a proposition sound like the ideal thing, more so as men and women of God are also engaged in the practice.


First, let’s get one thing out of the way. What do you expect from marriage in particular and the woman in general? Are you looking for a marriage where the only staying force is sex? If that is what you are looking for then you would allow your friends to persuade you to go on sexual experiment with all the women that come your way until you get the one whose sexual prowess would meet the different standards outlined by your friends.


But if you are looking for a wholesome marriage where every bit complements the other perfectly to produce a happy home, you would be careful to listen to what your friends are saying.


Have you stopped to wonder why your friends’ only concern is on the sexual aspect of your relationship? How come they are not talking about friendship, mutual respect, commitment, emotional compatibility, the fear of God, sense of rightness and responsibility, good home keeping and the discipline of the woman to stand by you through thick and thin? Would you rather have a woman who scores an “A +” in sexual prowess but a dismal failure in other areas that make a man and home happy? What those friends either failed to tell you or are ignorant of, is that many marriages are experiencing problems because a lot of attention went into finding the right bedmate to the exclusion of other qualities that make for a perfect marriage.


No matter how perfect a woman is in the bedroom, if she is the disrespectful type, dirty, lacking in proper homemaking, lazy, uncaring and lacks understanding of her husband’s persons and dreams. What would be your joy as the husband? The truth is, sex is not the major reason we marry. There are other contending needs to be met. Those are things no amount or frequency of sex can make up for. Because most people are daily basing their marriages on the wrong reasons is one of the major causes and stories of incidents of
infidelity. A lot of men and women are into extramarital affairs to get care, attention, respect and understanding they are not getting from their partners. The marriage institution is more about those other areas we ignore than sex.

Besides, a time comes in the life of every person when sex loses its lure and magnet, when it ceases to be important. Even if you are able to tolerate each other to that point, what happens when that comes, when friendship would be needed to sustain the relationship? That is why marriages that have lasted for more than two decades are breaking up because the couples can no longer communicate efficiently in the only way they know how, the bedroom.


But if your preferences are friendship and other more enduring qualities, no matter what happens, you would always find other reasons to stay happily together.


On the issue of the size of a male organ, again, it depends on how deep your friendship is and need of each other. When you love someone in that unselfish and happy way, God wants a couple to love, finding a way out of a very difficult situation is very easy and fun.


Besides, the woman’s body is structured in such a way that it can fit nicely around the size of her man. The quality of tenderness and case that accompany the act is what makes the major difference. When a couple understands each other and willing to help the other overcome his or her challenges, the session comes out wonderfully well while another couple would end up being dissatisfied due to impatience and lack of understanding.


What it boils down to is care and selfless love laced with plenty of friendship and patience.


At 35, you are more than old enough to know what is most important to you to be influenced by what your friends say. Don’t compromise on what you have always held sacred because some people somewhere think it is a bit old fashioned. If this woman you plan to marry reminds you in her every action and utterance that you are her crown and head, the man she has given her body and soul, please treasure her. Even if she at first does not meet your sexual fantasy, teach and mould her to be your personal sex siren. With love and care, you can make the unexpected happen. The truth is when a woman isn’t living up to expectation in the bedroom, look at the quality of the man’s lovemaking. A man who is good would do anything to help his partner overcome her inhibitions.


When next such friends come, explore your Bible for the right answers and solutions because being familiar with the ways and words of God is the only way to avoid making a regrettable mistake.


Good luck.