She Beckons For Love After Calling Me Names

Dear Agatha,

There is this girl I find interesting though I equally appreciate her beauty. She recently called to say I wasn’t serious about her. However, when I call to exchange pleasantries with her, she asked to know what I wanted from her. Confused by her response, I told her I would call back since I didn’t understand her. To my surprise, she became offended and started abusing me, saying I was too young for her and cut off the line.

After a week, I called to apologise for the misunderstanding, but she still maintained her stance and warned me never to call her again. There and then I promised not to disturb her again. But now whenever she sees me will be looking, and at times even call out to me. But due to the abusive and rude behaviour, I lack the confidence to get close to her again, though still in love with her. Being older than her, I expect her to apologise to me first, particularly as I didn’t do anything to deserve the things she said to me. Please, what do I do?

Naijaguy.

Dear Naijaguy,

Having done the matured thing of calling her again to explain yourself, ignore her. It is apparent she doesn’t know what she wants. Relationship is about mutual respect. Rudeness isn’t part of playing hard to get. A woman can play hard-to-get without insulting or dragging the feelings of the man interested in her into the mud. Even if the man falls short of her expectation, there are polite ways of declining his proposal without making him feel bad. That you are soliciting for friendship from her doesn’t give her the right to be abusive. The least expected of a woman is to decline an offer from a man she is not comfortable with as much politeness as she can muster. Maturity entails sensitivity to the other person’s feelings; that a man expresses interest in a woman doesn’t give her the right to be rude to him.

Rudeness isn’t part of relationship building and doesn’t serve any purpose whatsoever. A simple ‘No,’ would still have passed on the message effectively. Being polite doesn’t mean consent, but tells of a woman who is sure of herself and knows what she wants at all times. Until she makes up her mind on what is important to her and how much she wants you in her life, it might be waste of time for you to go back to her. Love only functions when it is enveloped in respect and in understanding the other person’s feelings.

However, have an open mind. When she comes or goes out of her way to be nice to you, don’t reject her, accept her offer of friendship and reconciliation by taking time out to study her very well before re-presenting your feelings for her. Good luck.

Months Into Our Affairs, She Started Growing Wings…

Dear Agatha,

I am a guy of 25 in a relationship that is over a year. At first, we were madly in love, and hardly staying a day without seeing each other. But six months into the relationship, her character changed towards me.

When I confronted her with this, she denied and insisted everything that she was all right.  She later got admission into Enugu State University (ESUT) and left me for three months, though she kept in touch. She came home last month and I noticed to my dismay that she had changed for the worst. From her attitude it is obvious she doesn’t care about me anymore. She doesn’t bother to call or send me text messages anymore, despite the fact that I call her up to three times a day due to the love I have for her.

I need your advice on whether to continue, despite her uncaring attitude or quit the relationship.

Mentor.

Dear Mentor,

It takes two to have a relationship. If you insist on continuing it would be akin to having a relationship with yourself. Since she has made her new state of mind about you obvious enough.

There is always a time and season for everything. For now, it might be wise if you give her a little space for her to make up her mind about what she wants. To continue to call when she is going through this emotional uncertainty is to present yourself a nuisance to her. If care isn’t taken, she may begin to avoid your calls, become rude to you or tell you outright that you are hounding. For the sake of tomorrow and the beauty of what you both shared in the past, make the painful sacrifice of allowing her be for now. Don’t worry, if she is yours, she will definitely come back to you after the excitement of her new admirers die down.

In her current mood, there is nothing you do or say to her that would hold the thrills of all the other attentions she is getting. You have done your bit, presented evidence of your love to her, when she is ready for your kind of love, she would come back.

Move on to other things, but give yourself time to heal properly before beginning another relationship. This is necessary to avoid regrets and mistakes that come with hasty decisions.

Good luck.