Dear Agatha,
My relationship is four years of age. And being born-again, we have never made love, but to my surprise he wants to reverse that now, insisting we sleep with each other. Although I have resisted him so far, but for how long, since we are very much into each other? I am really confused on how to handle the matter especially as we are also business partner?
Confused Lady.
Dear Confused Lady,
There is the need for both of you to sit down and discuss the new development as matured adults. At the meeting both of you should discuss this development with as much honesty as possible. Every relationship needs a period of growth. The issues of four years ago are obviously no longer relevant to him, hence the need for you both to table all outstanding matters for resolution. He may think having stayed with you for four years entitles him to your trust, have dispelled the fears you nursed about him four years ago, and that the long period has given him the right to ask for sex.
Sincerely, you cannot condemn him for that, because he has a right to ask just as you have a right to say no. But the onus is now on you to educate him on why you must insist on maintaining the status quo until your wedding night. Tell him, as nicely as you can, that it isn’t a matter of not trusting him sufficiently, but that of being faithful to the God you both profess. If you are both born-again and swore from the beginning that your relationship would be devoid of sex until you are both married, it would be wrong to go back on it now. Just as it is easy to go back on the promise you both made to the God you serve, so would it be extremely easy for either of you to go back on whatever promises you make to each other.
Four years isn’t four days, hence you must be careful on the type of words you use to convey your message to him. Frankly, the results you get would depend on the maturity you apply to this issue. Simply saying ‘No’ doesn’t address the issue of his desires for you or make sense to a man who wants to make love. If you fail to be very diplomatic and refuse to coax him with the right words, he would feel you are very insensitive and selfish on account of you not providing him with enough reasons to keep things as they currently are. But when you present your case as a woman who understands because you also have blood flowing in your veins; know precisely the pains of denying yourself what is natural, he would listen and accept since he knows you too desire him, but just want things done the right way. In defending your earlier agreement, you must learn to show sympathy for his feelings and desire. It is the only way you can get him to listen to you on this matter. Being angry, rude, or refusal to understand the legitimacy of his desire cannot win this kind of challenge. By first acknowledging that his desire is normal and not out of place, you immediately succeed in easing him up to listen to what you have to say. Often than not anger and fight come when the woman in question remains obstinate as well as refusing to appreciate the sacrifices involved in a man’s self-denial.
A lot would depend on how fair you appear to him on this subject. First appreciate the sacrifice he has made to you before pleading for more time. But if he insists it is either his way or nothing, then you may have no choice but to let go because it would mean your four years have been spent pursuing different ideologies. If you two have been able to grow the relationship on the right foundation, this issue can be resolved without you compromising your beliefs or forfeiting the relationship. What you require is wisdom and prayers.
As for the business you have together, the way you two are able to resolve your personal problem would tell how far you go as business partners.
Good luck
My relationship is four years of age. And being born-again, we have never made love, but to my surprise he wants to reverse that now, insisting we sleep with each other. Although I have resisted him so far, but for how long, since we are very much into each other? I am really confused on how to handle the matter especially as we are also business partner?
Confused Lady.
Dear Confused Lady,
There is the need for both of you to sit down and discuss the new development as matured adults. At the meeting both of you should discuss this development with as much honesty as possible. Every relationship needs a period of growth. The issues of four years ago are obviously no longer relevant to him, hence the need for you both to table all outstanding matters for resolution. He may think having stayed with you for four years entitles him to your trust, have dispelled the fears you nursed about him four years ago, and that the long period has given him the right to ask for sex.
Sincerely, you cannot condemn him for that, because he has a right to ask just as you have a right to say no. But the onus is now on you to educate him on why you must insist on maintaining the status quo until your wedding night. Tell him, as nicely as you can, that it isn’t a matter of not trusting him sufficiently, but that of being faithful to the God you both profess. If you are both born-again and swore from the beginning that your relationship would be devoid of sex until you are both married, it would be wrong to go back on it now. Just as it is easy to go back on the promise you both made to the God you serve, so would it be extremely easy for either of you to go back on whatever promises you make to each other.
Four years isn’t four days, hence you must be careful on the type of words you use to convey your message to him. Frankly, the results you get would depend on the maturity you apply to this issue. Simply saying ‘No’ doesn’t address the issue of his desires for you or make sense to a man who wants to make love. If you fail to be very diplomatic and refuse to coax him with the right words, he would feel you are very insensitive and selfish on account of you not providing him with enough reasons to keep things as they currently are. But when you present your case as a woman who understands because you also have blood flowing in your veins; know precisely the pains of denying yourself what is natural, he would listen and accept since he knows you too desire him, but just want things done the right way. In defending your earlier agreement, you must learn to show sympathy for his feelings and desire. It is the only way you can get him to listen to you on this matter. Being angry, rude, or refusal to understand the legitimacy of his desire cannot win this kind of challenge. By first acknowledging that his desire is normal and not out of place, you immediately succeed in easing him up to listen to what you have to say. Often than not anger and fight come when the woman in question remains obstinate as well as refusing to appreciate the sacrifices involved in a man’s self-denial.
A lot would depend on how fair you appear to him on this subject. First appreciate the sacrifice he has made to you before pleading for more time. But if he insists it is either his way or nothing, then you may have no choice but to let go because it would mean your four years have been spent pursuing different ideologies. If you two have been able to grow the relationship on the right foundation, this issue can be resolved without you compromising your beliefs or forfeiting the relationship. What you require is wisdom and prayers.
As for the business you have together, the way you two are able to resolve your personal problem would tell how far you go as business partners.
Good luck
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