My husband wants more action

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
Please help me get out of this personal problem that is threatening my life and marriage. I am not gifted in the act of love-making and from all the signs I am getting, it appears my husband is already having an affair. While my husband likes impossible positions and heavy romance, I am a more practical person. I feel most comfortable with the orthodox positions.
We have been married for three years and he has always complained about my inability to meet up with his demands. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried in my little way to please him but I end up regretting even the little attempts I make because he appears not to appreciate these gestures at all.
But with the threat of another woman, I am willing to learn but don’t know who or where to turn to. Besides, I don’t want people laughing at me.
I also want to avoid a situation where you confide in a pastor and he now comes to the altar to use as his topic for the day.
My husband happens to be very handsome. I come from a broken home and wouldn’t want my children to suffer what I suffered. Please help me. I do love him. I have kept praying but nothing seems to be working. I have this belief that only worldly people have sex the way my husband wants it.
Christy.

Dear Christy,
There is no contesting the power of quality lovemaking in a marriage. Without a sound and fulfilling lovemaking between couple, the tendency of the marriage surviving is questionable.
For any woman to keep her husband tied to her side, in addition to knowing how to cook and care for her husband and home, she must be good in the bedroom. For most men, this is important and the reason they have a wife at home. The average man is hooked on sex and is forever excited when the woman he is with is doing something new and exciting to him. Until the charm of new sex wears off, the original woman in his life has the task of bettering the other woman or risk losing him entirely to the sexual superiority of the other woman.
You don’t have an excuse not to give your husband the kind of sex he wants. It is his right to ask and have it, just like you also have the right to demand what you want from him. Once a woman gets married, she owes it to herself to improve on whatever it takes to keep her home. Having lived with your husband for three years and listened to his constant complaints about your limitations in the bedroom, you should have done something before he gets interested in another woman.
It is unfortunate that the thing that you are refusing to do with him, he is getting freely from another woman. You have only succeeded in making the efforts of keeping him happy more difficult for you, the issues now are how to get him off that woman and keeping him at home.
If you are serious about getting him back, it is time you threw away every prejudice you had about lovemaking. Begin by appreciating it is one of the best gifts God gave to married couples. Apart from its pleasurable side, it has the power to transform an ordinary relationship to a powerful one through its potent communication skills.
To use sex as a communication tool, learn to use your eyes, fingers and tongue very well. To get the full mental information about your partner’s body, you must explore every part of him with your fingers and tongue. This way, you get to know without too much words his excitements spots and his turn offs. Like a baby, your husband must be able to tell your fingers from any other finger. He must be able to feel, decode the message your finger and looks are passing in a very large crowd of people. By mere looking at him you too should be able to decode what he thinking and key into it. Both of you should be able to draw each other out, make the right connection in a crowd of millions of people without saying a word. With looks, a couple can make love. It is called mental lovemaking. This is the whole essence of lovemaking as opposed to what he gets from you now. Sex is animalistic while lovemaking is opium for the soul.
There is no way you can combine the power of lovemaking with sex if you are not ready to experiment and be adventurous. You must be ready to follow the lead of your husband as well as your own basic instincts. Just as the newly born infant instinctively knows where to direct the mouth to for food, so also is the knowledge of sex natural to the human mind. Everything you want to know about sex is etched deep inside of your mind. Your problem is that you allowed your reservations and disdain for sexual adventures rob you of your natural instincts.
When next you are with your husband, allow him to take you along with him. Don’t resist him, flow with him to wherever he wants to take you. This way you become elastic in his hands, he is able to manipulate you to the satisfaction of both of you.
If you allow yourself go, you won’t have to worry about the discomfort of the positions he likes or how to achieve these seemingly impossible positions.
By the time you are through with the study of his body, it would be easier for you too to add spices of your own to it. Once you are able to flow nicely with him, he would soon forget the other woman.
Aid the moments with secrets of your own aimed at personalizing you in his mind forever. Get yourself a nice perfume, one that is distinct, that his memory will store as you, buy cozy and sinfully cut nightgowns, don’t be shy he is your man so don’t hold anything back in winning and keeping him firmly at your side. Add excitements by taking your intimacy outside the bedroom to other areas in the house. Don’t be timid to be his woman in every way. If you don’t get your groove from him, who will you do it with? He can go out, you cannot; so do what you have to do to make both of you happy
Your former efforts didn’t achieve much because they lacked imagination and excitement he is looking for. For someone like your husband to be impressed it has to be a full scale package. You have to come out like the full grown woman you are and use what you have to get back what is yours.
It isn’t in all matters that prayers work. When it comes to the issue of sex, you have to be practical. Without you taking the steps that should be taken, there is nothing prayers can achieve. It won’t stop your husband from craving for fulfillment from his wife, stop his imagination from wanting more from the woman he married, and prevent his hormones from being on the overdrive.
It is his right to demand for quality sex from his wife. If God didn’t think it important in the first place, He wouldn’t have given it as a gift to married couples. So whatever religious thing you have against enjoying sex, bury it and move your sex life out of the sphere of spiritualism. The importance of sex lies in our gender, male and female. We need it to ensure the continuity of the world. And for humans, it isn’t just a story of assisting continuation of the world; it is a case of balancing the emotional stability of man. A good sex life produces the right frame of mind and mood for man to accomplish more.
An emotionally stable mind is a mind of great achievement.
As you have found out through your own mistakes, there are always women out there willing to give unconditionally what a man isn’t getting from his home. When a woman marries, pretences of being holier than the Pope should be dropped. Her mission is not to decorate her husband’s bed but to make it enjoyable for him and herself. Once a woman is married, no one expects excuses from her; she is expected to know what her mission is in her husband’s house as well as the knowledge to ensure she stays in there.
The solution to your man’s misbehavior is for you to take the right step in making him happy. That a woman has a child or children for a man isn’t enough reason that he won’t misbehave.
He has to be completely happy with everything around him for him to stay faithful and quality lovemaking is a very strong reason.
Prayers can only work after you have taken the practical step to recovery and not before.
Good luck.

Girls won’t let me be

Girls won’t let me be

With Auntie Agatha , gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
I must thank you for allowing us share our problems with you. I am 23 years old. I lost my parents 12 years ago. After their death, I suffered seriously as nothing was left for me and my three younger ones. My father’s family members took away everything.
To the glory of God, today I am an undergraduate and lacking in nothing. Now, ladies, some who know my rag-to-rich story, are all flocking around me. Different ladies daily call me on the phone and some making the bold demand of wanting to marry me.
Now, I don’t know what to do with them. I want to concentrate on enhancing my life and also helping my siblings. But these ladies are disturbing me and acting as distractions for me. Please help me. What should I do with them?
Joel.
Dear Joel,
Only the wise knows how to marry the heritage of the past with the development of the future. What you make of today would either justify your experiences of the past or make mockery of whatever lessons the past offered you in its wisdom.
That you are able to overcome the pains, disappointments and insensitivity of the past is commendable but what lessons did you come out with? If your experiences are positively etched, you would know that this isn’t the season to allow yourself be sucked into the adventure of female temptations.
At 23, you still have a long way to go in life. God has been merciful to you; allow His grace to become a legacy by remaining focused on the right path. Money is a visitor and spirit. It only has respect for those who invest it well. Just as suddenly as it comes, it can go if not properly managed. This is why you must be careful on how you handle success because it has a very short and fragile lifespan.
Women will never go out of fashion for any man who has the ink of success and scent of money. But your time of premium labour, when you have the intellect, drive and energy to run around is now. Don’t fritter it by the attention you are getting from these women.
Pause do think and ponder over this; close your eyes, imagine you without the success you are now. How many of these women do you think would still be interested in you? If that is too far fetched, your past is more practical. When you were down, how many of these girls looked your way?
What you are experiencing is a classic example of how success attracts. Many of these girls want to identify with you, not because they feel anything deep and sincere for you but for the simple reason that you have enough of what they want. Be careful, they are fair weather friends. Once they notice a clearer cloud, they would dump you like hot potatoes.
The best you can do for yourself and siblings is to help them become somebody in life. A tree doesn’t make a forest. If you don’t help stabilize your siblings, they will continue to be a problem to you in future. Overtime, resentment would set in and that would be the beginning of enmity between you and your siblings especially when they feel you had and refused to give them as much as they wanted.
By helping to establish their feet in life, you free yourself from long financial obligations to them. You would have taught them to fish rather than giving them fish whenever they come to you.
This should be your concern now. Apart from enhancing them educationally, if you have more than enough, ask them what kinds of businesses they want to go into. This, is to make assurances doubly sure that they have the right kind of base. Besides, your example is what they would pattern their lives after.
Being younger than you, they have the tendency to be influenced by anything you do. So, be careful of the kind of example you give them.
As for the girls, make it clear to them through your actions as well as words those things that are important to you now. Whenever they call to ask for a date, tell them that as a man you like making the first move and that for now, you are too busy with your studies and business to have time for a woman in your life. If you had been paying attention to them before, cut down drastically on the time you have for them.
And when the stubborn ones insist on your attention, turn it into an academic session, a sort of study group. By the time you do this twice, the message would have been communicated without you saying any word. A fun-seeking woman would not appreciate such a scenario and would promptly label you boring.
Importantly, you need the grace of God not to fall into temptations. So never leave the presence of God. The right woman would eventually come; the kind that would help preserve your testimony.
Good luck.