Dear Agatha,
I am 17 while he is 19. I am a Roman Catholic while he is Sabbath. The issue now is that my parents dislike my boyfriend’s church with a passion but he loves me so much even though he sometimes lies to me. At a point I wanted to terminate the relationship but I decided against it when he threatened to place a curse on me and that the curse would be more severe if I make attempt to call him thereafter.
Out of fear, I withdrew my intentions to terminate the relationship since I didn’t want the repercussion of any curse on me. Even my brother who should ordinarily like him also dislikes him.
He has proposed marriage to me but I am scared of making the greatest mistake of my life. I am a virgin and my parents are desirous of me marrying a Christian. I am in desperate need of help, as I don’t know what to do anymore.
I cannot contain my sorrow anymore.
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
The issue here is not the reactions of your parents to his doctrine but his attitude to you and what you represent in his life. At 17 you are too young, so also is he at 19, to understand what you both are getting yourselves involved in. Love is like a naked life wire. Only the one with the most wisdom gets an easy passage through the dangers of a naked life wire. Both of you are still grossly ignorant about what you are both involved in.
A man who at this age has started threatening you with curses and other means to keep you by his side is certainly not one you should be considering having anything serious with because the signs are already ominous.
If he cares about you why would he threaten to place a curse on you and more if you attempt to get in touch with him? You went into the relationship of a free will so also can you leave relationship without fear of threat and curse if you so desire. He has no right to hold you to emotional ransom.
From all you have said, it is obvious that your parents concern is beyond the issue of church. At 17, relationship isn’t what should be on your mind but concentrating more on your future, education as well as laying down the positive plans that would enhance your life. Their disagreement is a blessing in disguise; to help you appreciate the important things in your life. Ask yourself what is important: your education or relationship with this man? Do you think this man would be able to stand by you when things go wrong later in life? Do you think his love would sufficiently see both of you through the challenges of life and marriage?
What type of marriage do you hope for with this boyfriend of yours? One contracted in love and peace or that done in force and blackmail? Sincerely what you need now is absolute concentration on your studies. I assure you that once you have the right attitude towards things concerning your future or life, getting the right man won’t be a problem at all.
That you are a Catholic and he a Sabbath shouldn’t bother you as much as you are allowing the matter. When the time comes for you to marry, such things would not be so much of a problem in the sense that you and the man you intend to marry would have the maturity to deal with such issues.
Then you would have the wisdom to put the important things first. At 17, the laws of the land put you under the authority of your parents; according to the laws of the land you lack the maturity and intelligence to take decisions in matters like this. At your age, the only rights you have are that of good education as well as life. This is why his threat to place you under some curses bothers you so much. Had you the intelligence and maturity, you would have known that such things cannot come to pass as long as you haven’t done anything to deserve a curse. No person can place a curse on you if God hasn’t done that. The Bible is clear on issues like this. Who God has not cursed, nobody can curse. His threat to curse you is baseless and completely lacking in foundation because your desire to leave him is legitimate, given the issues coming up in the relationship.
It would have been a different matter completely if both of you were happy together. From your account, it is apparent you are neither in love with him nor is he with you. For some strange reasons other than love, you found yourself agreeing to a relationship without actually sitting down to consider what is of value to both of you. Granted at your age, life is a ball of excitement but a lot of care must be taken to avoid making a mistake that would rob you of the essence of life itself since our choices have the power to either make or mar trends in our lives. Being a virgin, it is important you keep it for the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. To do otherwise is to short-charge yourself of some basic things in your marriage. Although being a virgin is no guarantee that you would have a successful marriage but it gives you in particular some privileges as well as assurances from your husband.
For instance, it erases doubts of morality that shrouds the woman who isn’t. To an extent your husband would be able to vouch for your moral integrity in the face of doubts whereas, he would think twice before standing up fearlessly to defend your honour if he doesn’t meet you intact.
It is of importance that a couple strives for fairness through trust and support at all times irrespective of the challenges that confront them.
If a person who is proposing marriage to you is at the same time threatening to place a curse on you, you need to be careful if you aren’t exchanging peace for sorrow. Whatever disagreement your are currently having with your parents over your different Christian doctrines would be nothing compared with living with a partner you are not happy at the end of the day or whose marital doctrine makes your religious difference appear like a child’s play. While your different religious doctrines can find a solution, it is almost impossible for a couple to find happiness together or in any endeavour in life if there is no peace at home.
These are more important variables in a relationship than what you are currently playing up. Your task is to stay focused on the things of God.
Good luck.
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