Doubt if she takes our altar dream serious…

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I want to thank God for using you as a blessing to this generation especially the young people like me who have learnt a lot from your daily counsels.
There is this lady I met last year through my cousin; I like her because she happens to be my kind of girl.
I proposed we should start a relationship that will lead to marriage. She accepted the proposal and added we should pray about it. But I don’t understand her character and we are not staying in the same area. She schools in Abia State while I am staying in Port Harcourt. She finds it difficult to call even when I send her airtime, and even when she sees my missed calls, she never calls or beeps back.
I am the only one who calls her. Please I need your candid advice on how to handle her because I like her so much that I would not like to miss her.
Worried Man.


Dear Worried Man,
You are right. There is the need for both of you to acquire a profound understanding of each other’s character and attitude before you venture into marriage.
Unfortunately, not many young persons appreciate that there is more to marriage than falling in love. Between falling in love and staying married requires understanding, patience and wisdom.
All these come first from the knowledge of each other the couple is coming into the marriage with.
Despite leaving in separate towns and states, both of you can still make out time to study each other. One of such ways is for you to pay her surprised visits. Come into town without prior notice, book into a hotel for the number of days you intend spending there.
Call her thereafter to know what she is doing and where she is. Such visits will reveal a lot of things into her way of life as well as her person. Spending sometime with her on those visits shall also reveal a lot of things about her temperaments and values.
It would also enable her discover your weak points as well as your strong points.
You could also arrange to spend time together during your holidays. This would offer both of you the chance to know what you are both going into. Being together doesn’t mean you have to make love. This is one thing that will never go away but once the chance of knowing each presents itself and it is properly explored, the couple stands a chance of having an enduring relationship
We all have different attitudes to the issue of telephone usage. While some don’t mind making all the calls, others think it is import as well as a demonstration of one’s love.
However one thing is important, effective communication in a relationship. Without it, a relationship risks running under ground. This is especially important as both of you don’t reside in the same town. This is the angle you should harp on. Chances are she would listen better if she knows that whatever you share appreciates with effective communication and that with the availability of mobile phones relationships need not suffer from lack of communications.
Keep explaining to her that you are worried about her lukewarm attitude to daily communications between the two of you. Ask her pointedly how she would feel if you also adopt the attitude of not calling or talking to her?
However you have to prepare your mind that you would always be the one calling her because with people like her, it might take awhile for them to change their attitude towards effective communications in a relationship.
The success of a relationship is dependent on the amount of sacrifices one of the parties is willing to make. In this case, you are the one who has to make the most sacrifice for this relationship to work. I appreciate the pains and disappointments laced with this kind of sacrifice but when one wants something, the person must be prepared to go the extra mile.
A lot depends on how much you want this woman in your life as well as your conviction that she is special to you.
There is no relationship without its time of planting. On her part, she could also be studying you in terms of how much you are willing to invest in the relationship. If it is any consolation, old and trusted relationships too also go through this kind of challenge.
For both of you to get to that point of complete oneness, you must find time to come together to discuss your fears as well as dreams for the future. Through this effort you would know if you are both on the same page or not. One thing is to give commitment to be in a relationship, another thing is to ensure both parties are properly focused on what they each want from each other as well as the relationship.
It is only then you can confidently pursue a life together.

Good luck.