Dear Agatha,
First of all, I just want to personally thank you for the wonderful service unto humanity and to God Almighty. You are a saint from God who is here to correct, direct, and guide people. May God bless you?
I am in a relationship with the woman who happens to be my first love. We are both 26 years of age. We actually started dating in 2007.
Things were good between us until she got admission into the polytechnic when people started whispering into my ears of her activities.
Though to an extent I can vouch for her, knowing that she prefers male company to female company. I am, however, getting confused by all the tales I am hearing since I am interested in marrying her as soon as she finishes her Ordinary National Diploma (OND).
This is because each time I call her line, I never get through and when I ask why it has become difficult to get through to her, she says no electricity to charge the battery of her phone.
But I got really worried when she lied about the source of the credit she used in calling me. In response to my query she told me her friend transferred credit to her but when I called the number it was a male voice.
In her explanation she told me her friend used the man’s phone to transfer the credit since she couldn’t make it through her own phone.
What should I do about this lie? I am so confused.
Michael.
Dear Michael,Make out time to go to her school unannounced to find out things yourself. Already, the stories getting to you are beginning to affect your emotions and reasoning. To avoid condemning her for something she isn’t guilty of, go and verify the situation. It would help a great deal if you spend a weekend there.
You may find out that you are simply being paranoid about a situation that only exists in the minds of the people telling you the tales.
A lot of time when people carry tales, they are out for mischief. It could be that some of these men or women telling you stories about your woman have a personal agenda, which can only be executed if you both break up.
This is why you should be extra cautious and apply wisdom in the matter. A lot of couples who failed to apply wisdom in similar situation found out to their dismay after the harm had been done that they were played for fools by persons they thought were protecting their interests.
Besides, you know certain things about her, which these people telling tales about her don’t know. Some of those expressing concern and apprehension over her morals may be genuine but could be misreading the situation and viewing things from a completely different perspective. For instance, you have always known the side of her that favours male company to female, hence understands the nature of her friendship with these men whereas an outsider is bound to read a different meaning to her association with these men.
Your presence in the school would not only help douse this impression of her but also assist your friends in the school understand her better.
In addition, it would facilitate a better understanding and trust of the woman you hope to marry.
However, it is important you don’t give her or any of these friends the impression that you are affected by all the stories you are being fed with. She in particular must never know you are beginning to doubt her especially as there are no strong evidences to support your position.
All you have is just the feeling that she is cheating on you, nothing concrete. Even if she is, you need clear evidence of her act to confront and take a final decision. Issues like this require wisdom to resolve.
When you get there, give the impression the essence of your visit is to see her because you miss her so much. Don’t ever give her the slightest hint that your visit is pegged on suspicions. You may not be able to manage the consequences of being wrong. Not only would you have destroyed the trust of your two years together but put a huge question mark on your desire to spend your lives together.
Again you have to be careful if her attitude is not being influenced by the activities of your friends. She may have become disillusioned by all the negative reports your friends are giving you and have decided to end it to have some peace in her life.
Not everybody can handle the pressure of constantly be subjected to suspicions or have every action given a meaning different from what it actually is.
This is why you must also question the motive of your friends. Relationship is about two people not several persons. Once too many people are allowed free access into a relationship, given audience and considerations, problem of management is created.
Your friends as well as hers must give you both the chance to make your mistakes as normal couples do everyday.
On the issue of the credit, keep an open mind until you see her. Although it appears suspicious but give her the benefit of doubt until you are proven wrong.
Above all, have an open mind about issues. Dig into what you know of her to give you a clear perspective of how to go because if you depend on the circumstances of all that is happening now, you may not take the right decision.
God will help both of you make the right decision.
Good luck.
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