Friday, January 23, 2009

How Do I Grow Hills On My Flat Chest?


Dear Agatha,


I am 15 years of age and fully grown. But my worry is that I still have a very flat chest. Not even the tiny kind of breast which would have made me at least appear like a woman and happy, not having anything at all.

My mates daily make fun of my lack, making me so ashamed of myself. I am absolutely worried. Please tell me how to develop my breasts because I can't continue like this.

Worried Girl.




Dear Worried Girl,


Some of us are late developers while others begin to manifest all their feminine features very early. While some have it even as early as 10 years of age, others don't get close to them throughout their lifetime.

The answer to your problem is in your genes. We all come wired with different genes because of our different genealogies. If your gene is made up of women who are not generously endowed with breasts; don't expect to have big breasts because no woman in your family has it.

The trick is to always strive to be happy with the choice God made for one. Don't forget He has fore-knowledge of you as well as your ability and capacity. Hence He designed us to suit the things we can endure as well cope with.

Desirous as big breasts are, they are not without disadvantages. The truth about life is that no grass is ever greener at the other side, rather it is simply a case of greedy minds always craving for things other people have.

The size of a woman's breasts doesn't affect her ability to breast-feed or produce enough milk for her child. As a matter of fact, women with smaller breasts have been known to produce more milk than those with excessively big ones.

Therefore don't allow the meanness or insensitivity of your friends make you lose confidence in yourself as a woman. If you look at those laughing at you closely, they also have a deficiency, though may not be as obvious as the one you think you have but nevertheless makes them also less perfect.

We all come with one sort of shortcoming or the other. Believe me, not even the so called beauty queens come without a defect. The trick about life is not to allow anybody put you down on account of the perceived advantage that person deludes him or herself of having over you.

The danger of allowing others affect you with their negativism about life as well as the way you view the important things in life is the loss of independence. If you keep allowing them get at you, there is no way you would ever be able to appreciate the inherent beauty and attributes God has given you. Sometimes when people make fun of us, it is only because they don't want us to get better than them. These people you call friends don't have your interest in mind because if they were good friends, they would be the one protecting you from such mockery and taunts. Friends offer unconditional protection; don't laugh at the advantage they have over each other.

If they were your friends, they would point you at the extremely good qualities you have been given by God which they don't have. Just like we come with defects; so also we come with special qualities, hard to find in any other person. You will only find out what makes so unique when you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Frankly, if you don't stop allowing what your friends are saying affect you, you may never recover the confidence to face and live life fully.

At 15, your life is too tenderly young, full and vibrant to allow this affect it. You must, deep into your innermost self, discover the strength of your character to be able to confront this.

Remember nobody has the ability to love you the way you want to be loved. You are the only one who knows how you want to be treated and how delicate you are. So don't begin this early in life to allow anybody determine how you feel about yourself or how you values things concerning you.

The next time this group of persons gather to make fun of you, tell them that not having prominent breasts like them doesn't make you less of a woman and that you are quite satisfied with what God has given you.

Granted, you may not be happy with what you have but telling them that you are and acting it would get them to stop noticing it and making fun of you. They persist in their act because they know it hurts you and makes you less confidence of yourself. It is a ploy rivals use to get their opponents off their tracks.

There are a lot of men out there who aren't breast freaks, who prefer the person inside the body than what the woman looks like physically.

To have an edge over your friends, use this opportunity of their attitude to develop your inner person with the sole aim of making yourself so exquisite inside of you so much so you would not only affect people who come across you positively but able to see through the deficiency of those around you to the potentials inside them.

Use this experience to reach out to other young persons around you to realise whom they are and not what others think or want them to be.

You may not know it yet, but God is about to do something explosive with you; that which would make these your friends livid with jealousy.

You can only get there if you refuse to be affected by the way you look or what your friends say.

Besides, at 15, you are still growing your features. Your breasts may have been programmed to grow last. But whether or not they grow as big as you desire or remain as they are, develop the confidence to face life the way you are because God doesn't make mistakes in His choices for us.

Ask people with excessively big breasts and they would tell you the burden as well as stress they daily go through finding the right bras as well as clothes that fit.

Unlike you, many of your friends cannot go braless or wear some of those attractive clothes that can only sit well on women with very small breasts.

There is always a flip side to every issue under the sun. Unless you have the maturity to handle life, happiness will always be far from you. So go out and celebrate the gift of God in your life by refusing to be put down by anybody.

As for your friends, move away from them and look for a new set, who see beyond your physical look to the hidden talent buried inside of you. These are the type of friends we all need to be whom God wants us to be. So pray these friends out of your way and ask for better replacement. As a teenager, you need people to help you focus on the necessities of life, not frivolities. You need friends who would ensure you don't make costly mistakes, ones young persons like you are constantly in danger of making. You need motivational friends not demoralising ones that are illiterates in the principle of friendship.

Good luck.

Save Me From Surplus Lust For Girls


Dear Agatha,


I am a young Nigeria through with University education and National Youth Service Corps (NYSC).


When I entered the university, I made up my mind not to pursue women. But my problem started in third year when I began to manifest likeness for any girl I see.


Now I am through with school but the ghost of my past has continued to hunt me. What should I do? I want to be responsible not only to myself but to the society at large. Please help me.


ND.




Dear ND,


The first step towards the realisation of your desire is what you have done, appreciating that certain things are wrong with the way you do things.


Responsibility comes from her desire to do that which is right. Having come to the conclusions that moving from one woman to the other isn't doing your image any good, what you need next is to have the concomitant determination not to be tempted by these girls.


As a man, there is nothing wrong in you appreciating a girl, liking her and falling in love, but your intentions must be pure not the kind that makes you inconsiderate and selfish.


You can only be counted as being responsible if you are accountable for every action you take. The moment you learn to owe up to your actions, accept mistakes as well as show enough sense of dignity to apologise when you are wrong; you are deemed to be responsible.


Honesty makes the world a better place. When one is honest about a relationship from the beginning, nobody would get hurt.


At every point in time always let people especially the ones you have an intimacy with know where you stand on a particular issue. In life there is no such thing as not having an opinion. Not having an opinion in critical matters is an act of cowardice. You must never be afraid to air your opinion on any subject that deserves an opinion.


Begin by being honest with little things so that bigger and greater things can be entrusted to you.


Good luck.