Monday, January 19, 2009

Can Age Disparity Between My Boss And His Lover Do Any Good To Our Secret Date?


Dear Agatha,

I am in love with my boss who is in a relationship with a lady older than him. He has told me he can’t marry her because of their age differences. What do I do? Should I continue the relationship with him or end the relationship?

Worried Girl.


Dear Worried Girl,

Have you ever heard of the adage that says wise people don’t mix pleasure with work? To do that is to carry a burden that is too heavy for you.

What you should do is to stay clear of this relationship because it has all the tapings of danger. Getting involved with the boss is the worst kind of emotional disaster any woman can get herself. Not only does she risk losing her job if things go wrong but also her emotional stability in the process.

Whatever reasons he gave for quitting the relationship with his former girlfriend can also come up in your relationship. Unlike his previous girlfriend; your job would also go in the process. Think, can you cope with losing a boyfriend in addition to your job? Is the love of this man worth losing your security as well as your sanity?

If this man loves you, the first thing he should do is to help you get employment somewhere else. This is one condition he should meet if he you must date him. Let him understand that romance at one’s place of work breeds nothing but ill-wind especially if the persons involved are both employees. Even where the romance involves the owner of an establishment and an employee, a lot of emotional balancing has to be put in place to ensure that the romance doesn’t affect the foundation of the establishment. Romance not well managed and defined in a work place can bring down the most solid organisation to its knees.

This is because of the indiscipline that goes with romance makes even the sanest of us behaves irrationally to a development capable of compromising office discipline.

If you also love this man, you should not do anything that would compromise him. Even where both of you decide to keep the relationship private, something would happen that would make you especially show the world that you are in charge of his heart particularly in a situation where you suspect another woman is trying to steal him away from you.

Women being what we are always look for the slightest opportunity to showcase our advantage.

If you date this man would you be willing to subject yourself to his authority, refuse to take sides with him when he is taking decisions that are unpopular and against the people?

Would you allow him to run his department or place of work with fairness and equity to all concerned?

Another thing, which should bother you, is his other relationship. If he has any reason to discontinue with the other lady, he should be bold enough to tell her and not use you to edge her out.

Honesty is very important to the health and development of any relationship. If he has any reason to change his mind about marrying her, he should tell her so; not say it behind her. He must at one time or the other told her he would marry her. After all he knew she was older than him when he started dating her. Relationship is about responsibility. To leave her for a reason he knew existed isn’t right and responsible. It is simply an excuse to have a reason to dump her for you. When deceit and inconsideration is given chance to exist in a relationship, the results are problem and confusion.

This is why you must insist he first of all clears the mess he has created with the other woman. He can only be free to love you if he and the other woman have cleared up their differences. Even at this, both of them need sometime out before they can go into other relationship. This time out is to give both of them time to think of those things they would want in their next relationships.

For instance, he must know why he wants you to be his girlfriend and you must also know his intentions for you. One thing is to go into a relationship another thing is to know the reason for it and its direction.

Why does he want you? And why do you want him? Do you want him in your life because he is your boss and able to offer you some sorts of protection? Provide you with the platform to enhance your position in your place of work? At this important and nascent stage, you must know what you are going in for this early to avoid wrong notions as well as misinterpretations of your interests. It would give both of you clear insight of what to expect. You must address the challenges dating would present to both of you in your work place. To do this, you must adopt a realistic approach to all the issues at stake. For instance from the beginning you both must agree to what is acceptable to your different status in your work place as well as agree to the format your relationship must take while within the premises. All these must be clearly spelt out to avoid confusion as well as unintended pains arising from wrong reading of some situation. For instance you must know how to behave around him when you have company and how not to talk to him even when you don’t have company within the premises. Just as he must learn to trust your different relationships with other men and not begin to act like a bear with a sore head if you does as much as greet other men around you.

This type of relationship calls for extreme trust and faith in what you share since you would always be in the company of each other almost all day. It has to be something extra solid to survive this lack of space to breathe and be in the company of other friends un-policed.

Importantly you must pray before going into this relationship not because it is wrong to date but because it takes more to make it work.

Good luck.