How do I concentrate on my studies?

Dear Agatha,

I am 15 years of age. There is this boy I have feelings for. I know it isn’t love; just my hormones playing up. 

Please how can I control my hormones so I can concentrate on my education?

Debby.

Dear Debby,

You are right to be apprehensive because at 15, you not only risk your present but your future as well if you get into trouble dating a boy.

You are at that delicate age when most young girls begin to crave for their first emotional experiences. It is that pencil thin line that divides failure from success; stability from instability in one’s life. Available statistics put the ages of women that became mothers during their teenage years at between 15 and 17.

If this is anything to go by, is the period in a young girl’s life when she has to be extra careful by avoiding commitment to any boy or man.

Right now, there are too many things happening inside your body that you have no control over. This is in addition to the expectations of everybody for you. As a young girl, your parents are already planning how to help you succeed in life; the reason you are in school.

The society too is already planning the hope of a better tomorrow into your dreams.

Your friends are also including you into their future plans. Everywhere you turn to, everyone is expecting you to graduate and get a good job as well as a husband.

This is why you must not give any boy the opportunity to punctuate your dreams in life. You have too much going for you as a young and promising girl.

At your age, the hormones can really be a problem. This is because you are still developing and acquiring all that you need to be a complete woman. Until you are ready for the consequences of sex or relationships, you are still a working progress in the hands of Mother Nature who is preparing your body for its future functions.

The easiest way for a young girl to get derailed in life is get involved with men or boys out of season. At 15, you lack the technique and knowledge of self control. As a result of the predominance of the hormones cascading your entire system, you risk making costly mistakes that you may never be able to overcome in life.

So many young girls that fell under the influence of their hormones ended up becoming premature mothers and school drop outs. Not every girl makes a come back in life after that mistake. While some parents are forgiving; others are not. They simply allow the girl live with the choice she has made and the consequences. How would you feel seeing your friends making successes out of their lives while you are busy tending to a child whose father has gone ahead with his education or worst still one whose father denied responsibility?

Boys will always come with different promises because you are just like that beautiful and promising young butterfly that has just emerged from the larva. Every boy and man sees in you a fresh beauty as well as innocence. The attention can be intoxicating but not if you see them as predators; who after getting what they want from their prey, leave her used and empty.

Men will always be part of your life so don’t hurry into any relationship. If this boy wants, you, let him wait until you are mature and in full control and understanding of your emotions.

Besides, there are so many kinds of emotions often mistaken for love. At 15, it can be a crush; something that makes your heart squeeze with some excitement. What this means is that you are a normal female and not that you are ready for a relationship. This is a process that prepares you for the more mature emotions later in life; when you know that a certain kind of man has the powers to make you weak on your knees while nothing happens when you are with even the more handsome man on earth.

What you feel is a lesson by Mother Nature to help you understand the dynamism of the human adults.

The lesson here is to study him with a view of knowing what kinds of men tug at your heart. The idea here is to know how to avoid being too close to these kind of men until you are old enough for the challenges of a relationship.

What this stage is teaching you is; while you can afford to relax in the company of certain kind of men, you cannot afford to take the risk of being too close to men like the one you have feelings for to prevent a situation you cannot help. This is amplified by the simple fact that despite not being too keen on him, you still find yourself pulling towards him.

The fragility of your resistant power makes it possible for this kind of man or any man for that matter to persuade you to do something you didn’t plan on doing. This is why you must generally never allow yourself to trust any man sufficiently to be alone with him.

Having this boy in your life now would make him get close to you. A harmless kiss when nobody is watching could result into a full scale action that might just derail you forever.

Don’t get me wrong; what you feel is perfectly normal but you must stay clear of him for the sake of the very bright future you desire and which is ahead of you.

The woman’s body was designed by God to bear the evidences of the act of a man and woman hence  He puts the responsibility of choice on the shoulders of the woman. Unfortunately, when the hormones are heavily on parade; they make such wise decision difficult to make. If older women who should know are still falling prey to the ways of men; how much more you, a child who lacks deep comprehension of what the whole thing is?

Please, keep him, for now, at a distance by concentrating more on your studies. Make your education your major concern for now.

Good luck.

-Share a with Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Can I break this oath?

Dear Agatha, 

I have been a follower of the heartwarming advices you render to the helpless; meaning I’m your greatest fan and I’d really say it’s
encouraging.

I took a blood oath with a girl for my own selfish reasons. Though I
have feelings for her but if you ask me, I’d say she has little feelings for me.
Since taking the oath,  I’m no longer myself, I isolate myself from all my good female
friends. This has resulted into calls for thorough investigation into what is
going on. 

My hands are always on my cheek whenever I’m alone.

The oath was made between the both of us. No native doctor was there. The razor blade we used; is still with me.

Please Ma, I want to know if the oath is potent without a native doctor. If it is, please assist me on what to do.
Victor.

Dear Victor,

An oath is an oath irrespective of whether or not there was the presence of a third party.

To help you understand the subject of oath taking; lets look at the agreement between a man and woman. The major covenant is the decision of the two of them to have a relationship. Without this initial oath between the two of them to spend their lives together, there would be no exchange of wedding vows that the world witness.

Irrespective of whatever method you people employ to agree on an issue; it becomes binding.

In the process of meeting a woman or man, we enter unknowingly into different kinds of oaths. The idea of having sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend is itself a covenant which also requires certain kinds of prayers to neutralize should the relationship go askew.

The reason for this is simple; in the process of making love, life generating fluids get exchanged by the couple; the reason sex outside marriage is both a spiritual and physical gamble. Sex with a cursed or wrong person can complicate and destroy the other person’s life because of this exchange. For a man particularly, having sex with the wrong woman can put him under her complete control unless God intervenes on behalf of the man.

Adding a blood oath to your relationship with a woman or man; makes it more binding because in the spiritual realm, blood signifies life.

By taking a blood oath, you have unwittingly bounded your life with hers forever since there is no way you can both separate the blood you each sucked from the other person’s finger.

It is also strange that you took the oath knowing that you aren’t totally into each other. It is like betting away your peace of mind as well as future.

Already, having sex with her puts you in a precarious position; to add a blood oath to it, is ringing yourself into a very difficult corner; one you will need the special grace of God to survive.

To be candid, spiritually, you have armed this girl with every weapon to deal with you. If she is from the wrong stock, there is no telling the kinds of attacks you will experience should you decide to break up with her.

As it is now, that oath you took with her is a life acceptance of her person in your life; an assurance that you will always be hers and by her side; an iron-cast commitment to her.

Deep in her mind, she has ended her search for the right man since you went beyond oral commitment to something more assuring- a blood oath. Not even the exchange of marital vows can be as strong as the oath you took with her.  On this is the new anchor of your relationship; her renewed hope of a happy ending between the two of you.

Against this background; if you really hope to get out of this emotional gulf you have inadvertently placed yourself in, talk to her.

First sound her out; pick her brains on her views about the relationship, plans for the future as well as what she thinks about the blood oath.

From this point, you have to be very careful how you proceed with her and how you handle this situation.

Sounding her out, shall give you a complete picture into her feelings as well as her thoughts concerning the future of the relationship. This way, you will know what to say and how to present the issue to her.

At this crucial point, what you need is to come out with the truth. To do otherwise would only further complicate things in your lives.

If she isn’t into you as you claim; surely, she too maybe looking for a way out of the blunder both of you have committed.

By making an honest declaration that the reason for the oath was premised on selfish reasons and not a carefully thought at thing, you are giving her the open vista of the challenges that await both of you if you don’t come together to break it.

As much as possible; tell her about your unease, state of mind since the act and how wrong you think you in particular were to fathom such crazy idea.

This is the point you come out with the truth concerning your act. It could be you were scared of losing her to someone else; to ensure she remained yours for ever.

Whatever prompted you to ask for such highly spiritual covenant, she has a right to know.

Don’t lie about all the fears you had then and those you have now.

One of them, you must admit is the limitations it has placed on your socialization with members of the opposite sex. Let her know you feel very much like a prisoner to the oath.

No matter how bad she feels about the new development; she may not want to keep you tied to an oath against your will. If she is one woman who values her self worth and happiness, she will readily let go but if she isn’t you might have it very tough getting her to let go of you in which case, you have to pray ceaselessly to gain freedom from the prison you freely walked into.

Also, her attitude and reactions would also be moderated by what you intend to do with the relationship after the breaking of the oath. This is why you must be really clear and honest in all that you tell her.

If your reason is to let go of the relationship, don’t lie to her; be bold enough to tell her. the truth like I said before is, the sexual bond between a  man and woman equips the woman with the kind of spiritual power to deal with the man anytime she wishes. So, the issue here is not just about breaking the blood oath but about treating her with respect and sincerity.

Once you are truthful, you will get every support from her eventually even if at the beginning she appears uncooperative.

As for the question of whether a native doctor is required to break the oath, what for? It is bad enough that you had to resort to blood taking oath; don’t complicate your life with going to a native doctor to undo it. The two of you did it, the two of you should undo it on your own by asking for the forgiveness of God because of the blood and His mercy to overcome whatever repercussions your act might have provoked spiritually and physically.

Good luck.

Share a problem with Auntie Agatha on gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626

Is my baby sexually abused?

Dear Agatha,

Please I am confused with this issue; my baby boy is eight months old.

Recently he has developed a habit which my husband and I have noticed. He makes this movement as if he is having sex. When we lie him down on our chest he will be pressing his private part on the body of the person carrying him although he wears pampers often.

My question is, could it be that someone is molesting my baby? He started this about two months ago when my husband traveled to bring his 21 year old sister to help me with the baby; especially with bringing him from the day care centre as I work from Monday-Friday and come back at about 7.p.m.

I noticed she is not reliable at all; she lies as if it is a necessity she cannot do without. She acts a child, refusing to accept the fact that she is a young adult.

There was a day my baby was pulling at her cloths, crying and demanding she should breastfeed him. I was shocked at the development and demanded to know if she breast feeds him when I am not at home. She answered in the negative. I also observed that after that day, my baby didn’t behave that way with her again.

I don’t know how to ask her about this new development to avoid hurting her incase she is innocent. When my husband noticed this issue he cried and prayed against it and I also prayed about it.

And I am sure it is not from his crèche because the owner is a Christian who has an all female staff and they all stay together. He only stays alone with my sister in-law.

Should I ask her? I am confused.

Baby’s Mom.

Dear Baby’s Mon,

Doubtless this baby is being abused sexually by a close adult you given authority of your child to.

At eight months this baby though totally helpless and innocent, however has all his vitals functional. Like adults, he finds the same measure of satisfaction from whatever the person is doing to him hence wants more of it. This explains why his mind is stimulated towards sex whenever he is on the chest of someone.

Whosoever is abusing him, adopts that position so each time your baby is placed in that position, his brain immediately picks up the excitement he gets from that posture hence his involuntary movement to get the calm and fulfillment he gets from being in that position.

When it comes to child abuse you cannot afford to be too careful , trusting or cautious.

At eight months, your baby must not be left in the hands of those who will destroy him for life. The fact that he makes that movement each  time he is placed on the chest means, the violation is becoming indelible in his nascent memory. Unfortunately, the act of feeding and sex are etched in our memory from the time we are born; we are born with the inherent knowledge which is why nobody points the direction of the mother’s breast to a new born baby or teach a young child about the act of sex itself.

But nature shrouds the knowledge of sex to the age of puberty, to allow for the child to concentrate on the knowledge of other fundamental issues needed to equip the child for wholesome development in life. This is because Mother Nature is aware of the potency of sex; its power to obliterate the young mind who isn’t strong willed enough to resist its pull. This is why it locks the knowledge in time, to enable the young human or even animal for that matter, grow physically as well as emotionally for the consequences and responsibilities that go hand in hand with sex.

Therefore, to expose your baby to the conditions he currently is in; is to condemn him to a lifetime of sex slavery because childhood habits are the hardest to give up or destroy, which is why educationists warn parents to be mindful of what they say or do in the presence of a child. At this age, the soft ware side of your baby’s memory bank is still empty. If at eight months, sex and its technique are already taking up mega space, by the time the child is about two and a half year old, you don’t need anyone to tell you the kinds of things he would be doing.

First and foremost, you have to decide what is most important to you now; your job or the viability of your child to you, the family and nation. From all that you have said, this child needs urgent help.

The first help would be to withdraw him from all your child minders; the crèche and your sister-in-law. The fact that the crèche is owned by a Christian doesn’t mean he cannot be abused there neither can you rule out the possibility of your sister-in-law being the suspect here. What some of us profess to isn’t the picture of the person we really are. Some of us who parade ourselves as saints are indeed lions in sheep skin.

The issue is between your home and the crèche so take a vacation to unlock where it is coming from. Be around the baby as much as possible to immediately cut off the supply and stimulation of his erotic desires.

Also you must find ways of making him disconnect that position from sex. Being his mother, you can correct this impression by putting him firmly on your chest and gently tapping his bum whenever he makes such erotic movements. You will also need the help of his father to do this effectively. Between you two, sing him nursery rhymes, your favourite gospel songs to help him forget whatever has been done to him.

By so doing, you help redirect his mind to a neutral love gear and how he can relax naturally. The gentle tap on its bum is to let him know that, what he wants isn’t good for him. Like I said earlier the day old baby is already equipped with all the vitals needed in life to get by in life. Some might argue that such taps violate the child’s right and another form of abuse but, at that age, the tap is to instill in the child the values of good and bad.

If you cannot resign immediately; please look for a daycare very close to your office so that you can keep an eye on him. Having him close to you would enable you go in to see him unannounced; it  will also solve the problem of leaving him with your sister-in-law unsupervised.

There is no reason you shouldn’t confront your sister-in-law with the information you have. If she is the one abusing the child, knowing that you are aware of the abuse will bring some fears into her. But that doesn’t mean you should continue to leave the baby with her.

Honestly, at the end of the day, if you don’t take a fast decision, you will have only yourself to blame. The irony of life is, while a man can begin again, the woman, can’t so; you should not treat this issue with kid gloves or bring in the sentiment of protecting your career at the detriment of your child.

If there is a time, this child needs your protection and assurance as his mother, it is now. Don’t neglect to do what you must do because child abuses are being done by those closest to the innocent children. It is better she is offended and you apologise than for your son to be damaged for life.

Frankly, this isn’t time for prayers but for actions. Prayers come in to help the child mend not to prevent the abuse from going on. What you and your husband need do now is take very urgent action and face the truth.

The outcome maybe unpalatable and very uncomfortable for you in terms of taking the child to and fro the crèche near your office but you would at the end of the day be protecting the hapless child from harm which is what parenting is all about.

A sacrifice has to be made by you and your husband for this child. You are debating the rightness of taking an action because he is a boy; if he were a girl, you won’t be debating whether to confront anybody or not; you would have since taken the needed step to protect your child from further abuse.

Good luck.

-Share your pro

My friend wants to claim ‘my son’

Dear Agatha,

I salute the special gift of God in your life. I am someone very close to you and have watched your growth since you were a child. I admire your courage in life. My pride stopped me from coming to you personally. Besides, this issue affects my first son, a close friend of yours.

This story happened in the 1960s. Then as a military officer, I moved around a lot. Not desirous of my moving my young family (my wife and daughter) around, I decided to leave them behind in Lagos, when official duties took me to Kano. I left them in the care of my childhood friend.

By the time I came back, she said she was already pregnant. The baby came prematurely. When the time of my leave was over, I still asked my best friend to continue to look after them.

While in Kano, I heard through the grapevine that my wife and my friend’s wife fought. The people who told me about this development claimed not to know why the fought. But a few weeks later, I got a letter from my sister asking me to vacate my family to Kano. She said there were rumours that my wife was dating my best friend.

I refused to believe her, but decided it was best for me to visit Lagos. I took some days off to come and investigate things myself. Though neither my friend nor wife mentioned any disagreement, my friend’s wife said I should take my wife and children along with me to my base. She said she didn’t want to be the reason for any misunderstanding between my friend and I. I assured her of my decision to come back for them within weeks. True to my promise, I did.

During the civil war, I lost touch with my friend. Since then attempts to get him proved abortive. I honestly thought he had died because he left Lagos to fight on the side of Biafra.

Although my first son is now married with a family of his son, something happened recently that is causing silent commotion in my life and home. My friend has come back to lay claims to the boy. Seeing him made me remember that thing that keeps nagging me about my son; the uncanny semblance to my old friend.

From what my friend is saying, he is his only surviving son just as he is mine. I lost my second son to an accident recently.

My wife has confessed to what she denied decades ago. My problem now is not even my wife or the fact that she had been unfaithful to me, but the issue of how to inform my son about his paternity. He is such a responsible young man and a good leader of my team.

Besides, I am not ready to let go too; even prepared to go to court over the issue. This is why I need your advice as well as the intervention of well-meaning Nigerians.

At 75, I have seen all there is to see about life; so my wife’s unfaithfulness doesn’t move me one bit. But I am very particular about the welfare and happiness of my children, and I am not ready to let go.

Papa.

Dear Papa,

He isn’t so young as not to understand the issues involved in all these. Painful and sad as the news will be to him, you must summon the courage to inform him. There is no way you can keep such fundamental information away from him.

Besides, it is best he gets to hear it from you than from another person. There is also no telling how far your friend is willing to go in the pursuit of getting back his child.

You have the advantage of being the man who has nurtured him from birth. At his age, it is not a simple matter of his biology but of the many factors that add up to make him the man he currently is.

He is no longer a boy; a little child that cannot tell his right from his left. He is a man; one who has children and knows what responsibility is.

By now, he knows that no responsible man goes to bed with a married woman, let alone the wife of his best friend. Besides, why wait until now that he is all grown up and married? Would he have come if he didn’t lose all the other children? Is it right for him to come forward to claim the child of his best friend?

Your son knows what is good for him; knows that life is a complex mix of all tiny bits. Call him, man to man, and lay bare everything that has to do with your life from the beginning to your present time. Don’t hide anything from him; including all the gossip about his mother and your best friend.

Let him also know about the letter your sister wrote to you as well as your suspicions. The fact that you elected to ignore all these leading evidences point to your unconditional love for him. These are the things that will forever make the difference in his life.

For the sake of your son, don’t engage your old friend in any legal tussle. It will destroy the foundation of your home. Besides, the boy in question is a grown man. He is long past the age of consent. He is in a position to make his decision; decide who he recognises as his father and who not to accept. Therefore, it would be sheer waste of time for you to go to court on this account.

In addition, it will make the other children wonder at their relevance to you. Getting too emotional may make the others wonder at the real reason for your disappointment. They would naturally wonder if you would have fought bitterly to keep him if they were boys.

After talking to your son, arrange a meeting between them. Don’t make it appear to your friend as if you are desperate to hold on to him at all costs.

Also, it is important you give your boy the chance to exercise his freewill. Resist the urge to protect him from the unknown because the best of our intentions are most times misconstrued by the same people we seek to protect. You actually stand to lose more if you attempt to prevent both of them from meeting.

It is also absolutely important that you don’t give either of them the impression that you cannot do without your son. This will make you very vulnerable and subject to their manipulations. You have trained him; provided him with the opportunity to be the success he is now. Even if his father makes a claim to him, the years he spent in your home, heart and life can never be quantified hence cannot be taken away from you. Nothing can change that.

There is also the need to tell the other children about it. This is necessary to avoid the attendant confusion of hearing from a third party. Hearing it from you will water down whatever reactions that follow such shocking story. Further, it will help them resist mischievous elements within and outside the family who may want to manipulate this development to their favour.

It is also a way of assuring your children that you and their mother aren’t going your different ways. No matter how old a child is, the prospect of parents breaking up is usually traumatic. No child wants to go through the process of watching the parents go their different ways. Once they know it won’t affect your marriage to their mother, they will settle down to protect the family’s name.

But the moment you give the impression that their mother is going to lose her home on account of what happened over 50 years ago, not only will the children start trading blames, they will also begin to take sides with either you or their mother. Invariably, the family suffers disunity as a consequence.

In addition, you should really be interested in knowing what your former best friend has to say to your son as your son’s reaction to him. His reaction will give you a good insight to so many things concerning the future of your family long after you have joined your ancestors. Only God gives good children. We cannot make good children out of our children.

Perhaps, this is God’s way of opening your eyes to a nagging issue that had been bothering your mind for a long time. Ask God to give you the presence of mind to learn the lesson in it for you.

Good luck.

I don’t understand him any more

Dear Agatha,

I’m 21 years old. My relationship is two years old. Things went on smoothly when we started. He cared and took very good care of me. There was nothing I asked of him that he didn’t give me. However, all that changed recently. 

These days, he finds it difficult to part with his money so much so I have to fight him to give me money for my personal needs. It isn’t as if the money isn’t there but for reasons beyond me, he has changed dramatically.

These days when he makes a promise, you can bet, it is an empty one as he would never keep to it. Though he initially came to my parents to ask
for my hand in marriage, I turned down his request because I wanted to be sure of the kind of man I would be spending the rest of my life with. 

But what is
happening between us now is what I can’t define. 

Please advise me as I’m
confused and don’t know what to do.

 Julietlaz.

Dear Julietlaz,

Just as you have a right to ascertain the true nature of the man you intend spending the rest of your life with, so does this man.

He too might just be on a quest to determine the kinds of reactions to expect from you if he lacks the money or time to invest in your maintenance.

Frankly from your reactions, you have failed. There is no law on earth that says he must be responsible for your everyday need. Before you met him, you had a life of your own, took care of all the essentials you are now heaping on him as his responsibilities.

In the first place, why do you think he has the money and is only refusing to give it to you? Did you force him all those times he took it upon himself to meet with your every demand? He did it because he wanted to and had the money to meet with your demands.

At 21, you are not too young to appreciate that there are times in one’s life things are not just working as expected; when money would take a flight to God knows where.

The fact that you need cream, soap and other personal needs but lacks the money to buy them for yourself, should have told you that this man may not have to give you now.

Besides, life is a picture of turns and bends. There is never a complete straight line in life.

For a girl who cannot buy her cream, you more than anyone else, should be able to show understanding in this kind of situation. If you can experience lack, what makes you think it impossible for him to also go through the same experience?

Furthermore, that he agreed to your demands at the beginning doesn’t make you his responsibility. He did those things to make you feel good as well as communicate his ability to care for you.

Don’t forget you are not yet his wife and even if you are his wife, a reasonable woman should not depend on her man completely for her every need. The economic situation in the country is such that a woman must find ways to be reasonably independent in terms of getting herself and children certain basic things outside her husband.

If a man has to shoulder the basic responsibility of buying your cream, soap, sanitary towels and make-up, how do you expect such a man to make progress in life or the confidence to pursue a relationship to its conclusion with you?

If at this early stage you have foisted on him this burden, one shudders to think of the kinds of responsibilities you would demand of him in the years to come.

This is one mistake capable of making a man reconsider his decision to marry a particular woman. To think, all you could do is fight him over his inability to provide for you is another major cause of concern.

The fact that you couldn’t reason with him, understand his situation and offer him useful suggestions or prayers to help him out of any situation that is making him incapable of doing those things he has been doing for you is enough to make any man beat a fast retreat. If indeed he is testing you, you have scored a resounding zero.

The sad truth about life is that both men and women live in the same society; just as it is difficult for a woman to make ends meet so also is it for the man. That God made it mandatory for the man to provide for his family doesn’t mean the woman must be insensitive and unreasonable in her demands.

A good marriage or relationship is one founded on understanding and appreciation of what the other has to offer. If at this nascent stage of this relationship, you have to fight him over his inability to provide for your needs, what kind of impression are you giving him about the future he plans to spend with you? What would happen in the future if he has profound financial challenges that require you to step in as the bread winner for a while? Given your kind of attitude, can this man depend on you? Can he move on with the assurances that he has a wife who will not add to his pressures in life?

The irony of life is, no matter how meticulously one plans for the future, there will always be a time when one’s finances would experience a certain kind of hiccup. This is why a man needs a woman who is resourceful, dependable and understanding. If you cannot understand and bear little challenges, would you be able to stand by this man in the days when money will dance its disappearing act?

It isn’t just enough to love a man when he has, but to offer him every deserving support when he is down and out. A woman who fights her man at the slightest sign of lack cannot be entrusted by the man to make him a good wife.

If you want this man in your life, you must first of all think of what you want from life itself. Truthfully, your current predicament has nothing to do with this man; rather it has all to do with what your values are and the reason you went into a relationship with him in the first place.

The mere fact that you fought him on account of his inability to meet with your demands highlights the kind of lifestyle you have adopted. This is perhaps the most unfortunate thing about all that is happening to you. Unwittingly, you have without saying anything, told him that you depend on men to buy your basic needs. No matter how much you try to erase this impression, your attitude would make it difficult for him to believe anything else.

Whether or not you both have a future together isn’t as important as you working on this aspect of your character. You need to disentomb whatever informed this attitude of yours if you want to stay married later in life. Don’t make yourself a liability to anybody; rather be an asset to a man who wants you for his wife. You don’t have to come from a comfortable background to grow respect and a worthy character in your abilities as a woman.

If you want this man, first go and apologise to him for your behavior. Tell him you are ready to change and that you would need his help to become a better you.

Find out what kinds of challenges he is passing through and offer him the little help you can.

Every man needs a supportive woman in his life to be happy. Listen to whatever he says are your fault. You may not entirely agree with all he has to say about you, but accept them with a view of using them as a guide towards self growth.

Because the journey ahead of you is one that is still far, learn to be truthful to yourself at all times, never judging people by your own limited and selfish standards but by God’s standards. Learn to be fair especially when it comes to issues of the heart. By pegging your every dream to the hem of God’s garment, you set yourself up for success and joy. If you really love this man, learn to endure with him.

And if the problem is, doubt concerning your sincerity with him, give him all the assurances that you love him and not his money.

Good luck.

-Share a problem with Auntie Agatha on gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626