Dear Agatha,
Thanks a lot for the succour you daily give to many lives. God will bless you bountifully, I pray.
I am a young girl of 20 in a relationship of just six months old. Things have been going on well until three months ago when things changed dramatically between us. From calling me twice a week, he appears not to care if I exist any more.
The only time he remembers me is when he wants to have sex. It is only then he calls me to come over to him. In January he informed me that he wasn't feeling fine so I went over to his house to see him only to discover that he wasn't in. When I called him he told he went for a club meeting and that he was sorry that I didn't meet him at home.
He travelled in February and till now he hasn't deemed it fit to give a call. Something tells me there is another girl in his life.
Please help me. Should I continue with this relationship or quit? I so much love this man but don't know how to confront him over his wild behaviour?
Jenifer.
Dear Jenifer,
How much premium do you place on yourself as a woman, especially a young girl of 20 with a whole life ahead of her?
If at this age, you have allowed yourself to be turned into a sex machine by a man who obviously has little or no regard for you, doesn't care about you and isn't interested in you beyond the thrills you give him in the bedroom, I shudder to think of the extend you would go when the clocks start ticking 30. Three out of six months, he has already had his fill of you! It calls to question the quality of your morality.
Ideally, six months into a relationship, he should still be struggling to make you trust him, not the other way round.
You are better off without this man. He isn't worthy of you. Give yourself some self-respect and allow him out of your life.
You really don't need such men in your life at all. It is imperative you focus more on the worth of your life vis-a-vis consolidating your educational drive, building up your dreams along the line of economic fulfillment as a woman as well as giving yourself the time to think of the type of marriage you want and the man who fits into the dream.
Chances are if you continue along the path you have chosen now, you may end up very frustrated later in life because there is more of his type out there. Each of them would come to take what you have to offer. This type of men don't marry girls like you, they just have them for the fun of it and go ahead to marry decent girls when they are ready to settle down.
They also don't have scruples and would always find one reason or the other to come back when on heat. Don't be a dumpsite for any man to off load his desire.
Clean up your act for the sake of posterity so that when he comes back he would meet a different, decent and responsible girl, one who in later years he would regret treating with disdain.
You are still a very fresh flower which men should naturally run after, and that you are the one questing after a man at your age leaves so much to be desired as well as call to question the type of life you want for yourself.
There is nothing anybody can do for you anymore. Your life is squarely in your palms. You have the choice to ruin it now or mend it in such a way, the man who ends up marrying you would be so proud of the woman you are.
Begin by ignoring him. From my experience, I understand all the passion of the youth, the rose-coloured tint life has at your age, the inordinate need to be free from rules and explore the timelessness of the whole wide wall. Trust me, the intoxication of the youth if not managed with wisdom leads to very fatal end. I am sure you don't want to end up being mocked by everybody, including the men who come to find fulfillment in your bosom.
There is nothing as demeaning to a woman's image to be viewed only as a mere object of pleasure. The world respects a woman who can stand on her own, has the determination to face the challenges of life without letting down her virtues.
By the time you are through with refurbishing your age for the better, you will be surprised at the quality of men that would queue at your door for your hands in marriage.
They won't dare to push sex as their main interest in you because by then you would be too valuable an asset to any man.
This is the time for you to plant, when you have the zeal, imagination and clarity of mind to think your best thoughts as well as plan your best investment options. Anyone who fritters away his or her youthful years, especially the 20s might never make it in life. If all that concerns you now were only on a man who cares no hoot about you, when would your own life concern you? When would you have the time to think of your life, of what you want to be in life and the many ways possible you intend getting there?
Your age still provides you with many workable alternatives. As you grow older, the choices get slimmer daily. If in your 20s, you allow yourself to be so disgracefully treated by a man, what would you do by the time you are in your 30s, when the choices of men get very limited? Take an advertorial to beg men to come to accept you into their lives?
If you don't learn how to give respect to your body now, no man would ever give you one. Men respond and treat a woman according to the signals she is transmitting. Granted some men might read for selfish reasons read the signal wrongly but they do get the clearer message from the picture quality the woman presents of herself.
Give yourself time to grow positively spiritually, emotionally and physically before getting into things that are not important.
This is not saying you can't have a boyfriend but learn to be responsible and focused. The only tools you need are a clear vision and determination to do things differently as well as remain faithful to yourself. Once you do this and cap it with a closer relationship with God, your happiness would mount as a young lady.
Good luck.
Posts
