Father Married New Wife, My Asian Biz Goes Comatose…

Dear Agatha,

I am 27 years old and a Nigerian citizen residing in South East Asia. I left the country over six years ago seeking greener pasture abroad. During my first two years here, life was so terrible that I considered going back home because Africans weren’t considered for employments. 

Out of a desire to survive, I started an illegal hawking business, but was constantly being arrested by the Police. But they always let me off the hook because my babyish features which I used to my advantage.

By the end of the year 2005, things changed and God intervened and I joined what almost everybody is doing here, Internet scam. And I started to make some money out of it.

I got married to a native of the country; we have two children, a boy and a girl. Since things were moving smoothly for me, I decided to come back to Nigeria to construct boreholes for my whole village as we lacked water in my village. 

In addition, I started the construction of my personal house. Before I left for South East Asia, I wasn’t in a good relationship with my father because he married a second wife. He actually disowned my sisters and me. I am the only male from my mother.  

We suffered a lot at his hands. He even took us to oracle to take an oath that he will never eat anything or take anything that comes from us and also that nobody will block the way of the other’s match towards progress. We all agreed any defaulter would face the punishment of the oracle. 

He left to share his property among the children of his second wife without giving my sisters and I anything. In addition to the house I am building, I also bought a 4-room apartment at Onitsha, a mansion in my village as well as a nice jeep.

But everything changed for me when I came back to Asia. I started experiencing different kinds of problems, which got worse each day. It climaxed in me being detained in Police custody for 12 days while my wife also spent four days. All these were new experiences. 

Back home, I learnt my father was very sick; which I am sure has its root on the oath we took. He had told the oracle he would never take anything from any of us or try to block our progress in life. Severally, my father has openly tried to block my progress and has even eaten my food and taken a lot of things from me.

Agatha, I am confused. I have been praying and fasting since these problems started. The two shops I have here have since folded, because they have suddenly become unproductive. My wife and children have gone back to their village to stay with her parents. I decided to stay alone in the city trying to survive, but everything I put my hands on these days seems to be against me. I started to search for matured female friends, Asians at least to be helping in the settlement of my monthly bills. But before any woman here can do anything for any man she demands for sex. I don’t want to hurt my wife whom I love so much because she is kind, caring, hardworking and honest. 

I feel guilty telling her lies about the nature of my friendship with these women, but I don’t have any choice, as I don’t know where my problems are coming from. 

Up till now, my account is still frozen with a lot of money in it because of the illegal business I am doing. It baffles me because my kind of business is what everybody is doing here, yet they are free and still in business. Nobody wants to do business with me any more. 

I don’t know how to say it again, but I do believe you will understand my situation and advise me on what I should do to get family and I back on track. I have been reading about you and how you have helped other people with their problems, I believe you can also help me out.

Sean.

Dear Sean, 

Have you heard about the law of Karma? You don’t plant rice and expect to reap mangos. If you are involved in defrauding people of their money and things, it follows that one day; the natural laws of justice would demands for its pound of flesh. 

Irrespective of whatever diabolical thing your father is doing, your line of business is wrong and has caused so many innocent people tears and pains. None of those people you have defrauded will ever pray for your success or applaud what you are doing to them.

Like every person who has been unjustly robbed of his or her hard earned money, they will invoke whatever powers they serve to deal with you. You may have defrauded the wrong person, a person who has the covenant of God in full operation over his or her life. Defrauding these kinds of person only does one thing, trouble for their tormentors.

Granted, your father or people in your family may have done one or two things following your extravagant spending to invoke some powers against you, but your kind of business also left room for these powers to way you down easily.

There is no way God will answer any of your prayers if you continue in your kind of business. That you are using the money to help your community doesn’t make it right at all or excuse you from the judgement of God. He is too just to be deceived by bribes of giving part of your proceeds to the community. 

That everybody is doing it and getting away with it also isn’t an excuse. You are not just anybody and may lack the grace those people have to do things right. Besides, God also uses situation like what you are experiencing to stop His people from doom. It is only your account that is frozen now, be careful you don’t lose your entire freedom and life in this. 

Before you lose the love of your wife and the right to see your children, why not consider changing your line of business. Surely, not every immigrant in that country is involved in an illegal business; there must be some legitimate things you can do which though may not attract the kind of returns you get from the shady deals you do, but comes with the peace and everlasting blessings of God. Playing a toy-boy to elderly rich women to pay your bills isn’t right either. If it were, you would not be hiding the fact that you are sexually involved with these women from your wife. Think of the disappointment and pains you would cause her if she ever finds out that you have turned to a gigolo simply because you are unable to do an honest job.

Look around you, what can you do? Begin small; there is no success story without a humble beginning somewhere. No matter how advanced or chocked an economy is there is always a chance for someone with the right kind of insight to make it. 

If pride is your problem, why not think of coming back to the country to begin again with the investments you have made here? 

But before you do any of these, there is the need for you to make peace with God and your conscience. Once you give God a chance to come into your life, things would be a lot easier for you. He is the only one with the powers to neutralise the spiritual consequences and repercussions of the oath you took before the oracle. 

Don’t forget that you and your father both swore before the oracle not to exchange food and things. That you also went against the instruction of the oracle could also be the reason for your problems. Oaths are usually double-edged swords. While your father would suffer on account of his evil deeds, you will suffer from disobedience. You went against the instructions you willingly subjected yourself to, hence liable to the punishment. But like I said, only a true repentant heart can help you overcome the situation you have found yourself in. 

You ignorantly allowed yourself to be sucked into something you know nothing of by a father who not only denied your mother, but also disinherited you and your siblings. 

In your closet cry to God for forgiveness as well as help from the powers holding you captive. He works with the heart; if he sees your heart is sincere and determined to make a clean break from your past life and ways, He would step in. 

It is the only way you won’t lose your family and the little dignity you have left before your in-laws. 

As for your father, you also need to forgive him because the battle is the Lord’s. If he is truly guilty of being responsible for the challenges you are going through, by the time you reconcile with God, He will fight your battle.

Good Luck. 

She’s Off For Not Taking To Her Lectures On Better Bed Outings…

Dear Agatha,

I am in love with my girlfriend. Until recently, we made love without experiencing problems at all, but all that changed when on a certain night she started lecturing me on how to make love to her that will bring about a more satisfying companionship.  

She told me what she wanted me to do with her body, where to touch with my hands as well as lips. It was all so strange to me, because since we started making love she has never complained. When I told her I could not oblige her request, she was angry, and said if I could not satisfy her, she will quit. And true to her words she has never bothered to come back to visit me or pick my calls. 

Please, tell me what to do. Do I go back to her or let her be?

Peter.

                 

Dear Peter,   

In the first place what do you understand by love? What amount of sacrifices are you willing to put into perfecting your love? Love should be enduring, selfless, humble, patient, understanding, supportive, never keep records of wrongs and above all, must be sensitive to the feelings of the other person. 

You didn’t meet her a virgin, meaning she comes with packages of experiences and used to making love in a particular way. Before meeting you she must have experimented with other positions different from what you are used to. That she didn’t complain until that particular night doesn’t mean she was totally enjoying your ways, but decided to keep quiet to make you happy as well as not to give you the wrong impression about herself. 

She told you about her ways at the point she felt comfortable and confident about your feelings for her. She thought both of you have crossed the crucial points of doubts and misgivings, hence her decision to open up.  Your attitude and response to her, no doubt, left a bitter taste in her mouth, and called to question your level of maturity in handling such sensitive matters. Granted, she may have scared you with the diversity and intensity of menu, good sense ought to have told you to discuss options with her instead of throwing everything away.

Just like you, she has a right to satisfaction, a right to an input in how both of you relate in the bedroom. Because a relationship involves two persons, you should have at that point considered her requests by asking her some leading questions on the quality of your lovemaking, why she hasn’t said anything until now as well as your objections to some of the ideas based on limited experience in such areas. Good lovemaking comes from having an opened mind as well as trust. You reacted the way you did because you didn’t trust where the experience was coming from, hence you became suspicious of her though you didn’t categorically say so. 

But your reactions said it all. Not only did it convey shock, terror at the depth of her knowledge about sex, but robbed you of the confidence you have always marketed as a man.

Like most men, you recoiled at such an expansive knowledge from a woman. You instantly saw her under the banner of red and mercury lights, hence your refusal to even consider the ideas, let alone make love to her the way that would have made her happier than she has ever been. You simply didn’t like the fact that she has more experiences than you.

You mirror the typical male who thinks a woman has no right to make demands on how she wants to be made love to. Asking you to do it her way for once is because she thinks you have earned her trust to expose herself to you. 

Not only did you fail her, but also hurt her beyond measure when you rejected. This accounts for her decision to quit, because she knows if things are left the way they are between the two of you, she may be forced to look elsewhere for that satisfaction you are refusing to give her. 

As a matter of fact, you should have been happy at her request; because it meant she truly loved you else she wouldn’t have bothered. Some women would have continued playing the good girl with you while she went in search for her real fun elsewhere. That she didn’t want to do that is commendable.

Rejecting her also pictured you as a selfish man: one scared of change, an insensitive lover. When a man displays selfishness in the bedroom, it signals a man uncompromising and difficult to manage. Relationship is about compromises, something you appear to lack and unwilling to do. Change is necessary to grow a relationship. Her demand is a choice of change from what you are used to, to something new.

If you really love her, go back and plead for forgiveness as well as understanding of your position. Explain to her that shock made you behave the way you did and after careful considerations you are willing to consider what she told you. 

The best way to go about it is to munch a little at a time. Ask for her assistance as well as leadership where necessary. Remember there should be no ego or power tussle in the bedroom, because that is one place where couple can really let loose.

Good luck.