With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I have a girlfriend who is excessively jealous. Her jealousy is so profound that she instantly imagines unfaithfulness on my part when I do as much as exchange greetings with any of my female colleagues. My problem now is how to make her develop confidence in me. She practically hits the roof if an unknown person calls me and goes to the ridiculous extent of calling the person to ask about the identity of the caller.
How do I get to discuss the problem I am having with her as well plans for her? Please help me.
Anyisteve.
Dear Anyisteve,
Begin by finding out the real reason behind her insecurity. Most often than not, jealous feelings take root from past experiences. What were hers? It is important she talks about her past or why she thinks you are cheating on her.
Again her insecurity may come from her own personal assessment of herself. Again this has root in a past experience, may be an unkind remark by an ill-mannered person or an unbalanced upbringing.
If her jealousy has to do with a misplaced trust in her former relationship, in addition to making it clear that you and whosoever hurt her are different persons, tell her all over again why you want to be with her. Look for all the wonderful qualities she has to underscore your need of her in your life.
But be careful you don’t get carried away to the point of promising her unachievable things. Stick to reality. She either learns to accept you for who you are or give in to the powers of her past to deny her a good place in the future.
This is one issue you cannot afford to treat with levity because it has the ability to consume you both later in future. It would get to a point, her consuming jealousy would make it impossible for you to relate with all the females, including your colleagues, friends, cousins or childhood friends you knew before you met her.
Once it gets to this stage, it would rob you not only of your freedom of expression but also inhibits you from having a relationship with even your friends all of whom would also be fingered by her of trying to get you hooked with other women.
This is one emotion that cripples relationship as well as a huge threat to the peaceful and harmonious relationship with every other person.
Can you cope knowing that each time you open your mouth to speak or show concern to another woman, hell awaits you at home?
This is the reason you must do everything to make her understand that she must begin to see things from your perspective, must learn to bury whatever wrong or imbalances she suffered in the past.
If her problem has to do with her past, the attitude of her parents, you must make her understand that she is now her own person and able to change whatever tradition her parents have entrenched. If this is the case, you must strive to give her the confidence she lost by constantly reminding her that she is special, comes with God given gifts nobody can duplicate or can equal. You have to help her build her confidence from the very beginning starting from her physical beauty. Every woman likes to think she is very beautiful. Compliment her on her looks, paying particular attention to her special feature; your endless compliments coupled with the sincerity, which you say would convince her of your love as well as give her confidence to cope with your other relationships.
Whatever may be the reason for her insecurity, it has to be addressed with both boldness and sincerity.
Good luck.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Despite her frolicking with married men I still want her
With Auntie Agatha , gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com , Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I am in my 20s in love with a girl I cherish so much. Her dream has always been to be with me and for me to graduate from school. I have graduated while she is yet to secure admission.
After my graduation, we start having problems. For instance, when I travelled, my friend told me he saw her with a married man whose wife went after them to create a scene.
When I got this report, I sent her a text message requesting her to explain what on earth she was doing with a married man.
In her reply to me, she denied the story and accused me of listening to gossips from friends. She then told me it was best we went our different ways because she was fed up with gossips.
When her reply came, I thought it was a joke, because we have both invested too much in the relationship of almost three years to let it go down the drain in that manner.
For a week, I begged her to forgive me for listening to friend and I also made a promise that it would never happen again. She still insisted she was leaving me for good.
I even went to beg her personally over the matter but she insisted on leaving me. I sincerely don’t know what to do again. I know I was wrong in listening to my friends, but I don’t think I deserve this.
I know she has been dating married men all along; we have even quarrelled over it repeatedly but it has not stopped me from falling deeply in love with her.
A lot of people who know her think she is dating these married men because of money, but I don’t think so. Yes, I know the money she gets from them she uses it to buy things for herself, but I disagree with the thinking that she loves money.
Even if it is because of money, I still love her and don’t know how to get her to come back.
Please help me because if the information reaching me were anything to go by, she would soon be leaving for school. I want her back before she leaves for school.
Sweet 16.
Dear Sweet 16,
If you are in the know about her and her married boyfriends, why did you bother about what your friend told you? Why did you have to send her a text message accusing her of a situation you are already aware of?
Indeed, she has every right to be angry with you having put you in the know about the situation from the very beginning. Your anger would have been justified if you didn’t know.
When a man makes up his mind to date a woman like your girlfriend, he must develop the accompanying guts and temperament to manage his feelings as well as the opinion of his friends and family on the matter.
This is because you are the only one with the right reasons regarding the decision to continue with the relationship. You are the one who knows the challenges you have been through with her, is intimate with her other values and understands her reasons for doing what she does.
Frankly, her reason or yours for that matter may not hold water with anyone but the decision to love her or not lies squarely on your shoulders.
Regardless of what others think of her, the honesty behind her telling you is what you should have considered before sending her that text. A lot of girls would have denied doing it, let alone admit it openly to you.
This is why she is angry and refusing to come back to you. She is feeling bad that she has been very sincere with you; you could still listen to gossips about her. She believes that the level of trust between you should have been sufficient for you not to join others in questioning her motives or decisions.
Forget the propriety of her behaviour. You were wrong because you either trust what she tells you or not. Telling you the truth is to give you the sole choice of accepting her as she is or leaving her to live her life the way she pleases.
The choice you took involves learning to trust her words and reasons for loving you. If you focus on her values or what others say about her, you may not have the strength to go. That you have been together for close to three years means there is a special feeling between the two of you, one that requires she in particular take a closer look at her lifestyle vis-à-vis her life generally.
She is still out there because you haven’t been able to summon the courage to confront her reason. She is unwilling to come back to you because you are showing a character, hardness she didn’t know you had.
All these while you allowed her determined the directions of the relationship, due perhaps to fear or guts to protest.
The guts you require to stand by her is, also what you need to take charge. She either submits to your feelings for her or allow you be, so that you can move ahead with your life.
Granted you know all about her, but deep down is that enough for you? Is this the kind of relationship you want from this woman?
Your reactions to what your friend told you is a warning that you might not be able to continue with her for too long. It brings out the extra emotional stamina you are putting into making it work against all odds.
Doubtless you love her, but this is one classic situation where love isn’t enough. You need more than your feelings for her to carry on.
Before crying over refusal to come back to you, think deeply because this whole thing might simply be a blessing in disguise; to force your eyes opened on critical matters concerning your life since you are approaching a very critical stage in your life.
This is the time for you to begin to take your affairs more seriously. What would you like to change about the relationship if she comes back on her own? Despite your love for her, I am sure there are situations you would like to change about the relationship and her attitude. What if she gets pregnant; would you not from time to time doubt the paternity of the baby especially when the child acts contrary to what you want or expect?
Since the decision to leave was hers, let her be. If she were yours she would come back on your terms and conditions that would put you in charge of the relationship.
You need first to master the act of being a man before talking about relationship. She may not have hidden her weakness from you but a relationship takes more to survive. She has to learn to let go if she truly wants you in her life.
Because your whole life is involved, make the effort of inviting God into your affairs. It is important.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
I am in my 20s in love with a girl I cherish so much. Her dream has always been to be with me and for me to graduate from school. I have graduated while she is yet to secure admission.
After my graduation, we start having problems. For instance, when I travelled, my friend told me he saw her with a married man whose wife went after them to create a scene.
When I got this report, I sent her a text message requesting her to explain what on earth she was doing with a married man.
In her reply to me, she denied the story and accused me of listening to gossips from friends. She then told me it was best we went our different ways because she was fed up with gossips.
When her reply came, I thought it was a joke, because we have both invested too much in the relationship of almost three years to let it go down the drain in that manner.
For a week, I begged her to forgive me for listening to friend and I also made a promise that it would never happen again. She still insisted she was leaving me for good.
I even went to beg her personally over the matter but she insisted on leaving me. I sincerely don’t know what to do again. I know I was wrong in listening to my friends, but I don’t think I deserve this.
I know she has been dating married men all along; we have even quarrelled over it repeatedly but it has not stopped me from falling deeply in love with her.
A lot of people who know her think she is dating these married men because of money, but I don’t think so. Yes, I know the money she gets from them she uses it to buy things for herself, but I disagree with the thinking that she loves money.
Even if it is because of money, I still love her and don’t know how to get her to come back.
Please help me because if the information reaching me were anything to go by, she would soon be leaving for school. I want her back before she leaves for school.
Sweet 16.
Dear Sweet 16,
If you are in the know about her and her married boyfriends, why did you bother about what your friend told you? Why did you have to send her a text message accusing her of a situation you are already aware of?
Indeed, she has every right to be angry with you having put you in the know about the situation from the very beginning. Your anger would have been justified if you didn’t know.
When a man makes up his mind to date a woman like your girlfriend, he must develop the accompanying guts and temperament to manage his feelings as well as the opinion of his friends and family on the matter.
This is because you are the only one with the right reasons regarding the decision to continue with the relationship. You are the one who knows the challenges you have been through with her, is intimate with her other values and understands her reasons for doing what she does.
Frankly, her reason or yours for that matter may not hold water with anyone but the decision to love her or not lies squarely on your shoulders.
Regardless of what others think of her, the honesty behind her telling you is what you should have considered before sending her that text. A lot of girls would have denied doing it, let alone admit it openly to you.
This is why she is angry and refusing to come back to you. She is feeling bad that she has been very sincere with you; you could still listen to gossips about her. She believes that the level of trust between you should have been sufficient for you not to join others in questioning her motives or decisions.
Forget the propriety of her behaviour. You were wrong because you either trust what she tells you or not. Telling you the truth is to give you the sole choice of accepting her as she is or leaving her to live her life the way she pleases.
The choice you took involves learning to trust her words and reasons for loving you. If you focus on her values or what others say about her, you may not have the strength to go. That you have been together for close to three years means there is a special feeling between the two of you, one that requires she in particular take a closer look at her lifestyle vis-à-vis her life generally.
She is still out there because you haven’t been able to summon the courage to confront her reason. She is unwilling to come back to you because you are showing a character, hardness she didn’t know you had.
All these while you allowed her determined the directions of the relationship, due perhaps to fear or guts to protest.
The guts you require to stand by her is, also what you need to take charge. She either submits to your feelings for her or allow you be, so that you can move ahead with your life.
Granted you know all about her, but deep down is that enough for you? Is this the kind of relationship you want from this woman?
Your reactions to what your friend told you is a warning that you might not be able to continue with her for too long. It brings out the extra emotional stamina you are putting into making it work against all odds.
Doubtless you love her, but this is one classic situation where love isn’t enough. You need more than your feelings for her to carry on.
Before crying over refusal to come back to you, think deeply because this whole thing might simply be a blessing in disguise; to force your eyes opened on critical matters concerning your life since you are approaching a very critical stage in your life.
This is the time for you to begin to take your affairs more seriously. What would you like to change about the relationship if she comes back on her own? Despite your love for her, I am sure there are situations you would like to change about the relationship and her attitude. What if she gets pregnant; would you not from time to time doubt the paternity of the baby especially when the child acts contrary to what you want or expect?
Since the decision to leave was hers, let her be. If she were yours she would come back on your terms and conditions that would put you in charge of the relationship.
You need first to master the act of being a man before talking about relationship. She may not have hidden her weakness from you but a relationship takes more to survive. She has to learn to let go if she truly wants you in her life.
Because your whole life is involved, make the effort of inviting God into your affairs. It is important.
Good luck.
My plan to marry a police woman makes my brother kicks
With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I am in a relationship that is currently about two years of age. The girl in question is the same girl I intend to marry. I have taken her to my place and I have gone to see her people as well. Our traditional marriage ceremony is coming very soon.
The problem I have is that my elder brother does not like the girl I want to marry because of her profession. She is a police officer. Although my brother isn’t supporting me financially or offering any moral help his attitude is affecting me all the same.
Please how do I handle this?
Mr. J.
Dear Mr. J,
What is wrong in being a police officer? Since when did being a police person become a consideration in the process of marriage?
You are the one marrying this lady, not your brother. You are the one who will live with her and as long as you are comfortable about what she does for a living, don’t listen to what any other person has to say.
As your elder brother, he has a right to an opinion but that is as far as it goes. When it comes to the issue of marriage; it is a personal thing because the choice is one you must have to live with for the rest of your life.
For you to come this far with this woman; you must have found priceless qualities in her; ones you may never find in another woman; ones that in later years would give you the happiness you deserve in life.
This man may be your brother but he has no right to stand between you and happiness especially if the reasons are as flimsy as the one he is advertising. You are not going to be living with her uniform but the woman wearing the uniform. This is the point you should communicate to your elder brother.
Tell him that beyond the uniform of her profession is a woman who has all it takes to make you eternally happy. Marriage has no uniform, creed, colour, and tribe, beyond being rewarding and beneficial emotionally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually fulfilling to the two people involved.
If his fears are based on her paramilitary training and the possibility of her refusal to submit herself to your authority in the home front; for whatever it is worth; assure him that you don’t intend playing the hen-pecked husband and that her uniform is only relevant outside your home.
I suspect his discomfort with her has to do with your ability to manage the intimidation her uniform presents. Being an elder brother who perhaps has more knowledge of your limitations as a person, he is simply concerned. On this premise, humour him by explaining your need for this woman in your life as well as you capacity to head your home.
If after this, he persists in his attitude ignore him and go ahead with your plans to marry this woman.
However, in your interest, don’t discuss this with your woman because your woman may never be able to forgive your brother or forget the fact that he tried to stop you from marrying her. She may never be able to bring herself to treat him with all the respect he deserves as your elder brother; an attitude if not managed well may bring about a permanent crack in the quality of friendship between you and your brother.
Managing a home and maintaining a balance in the relationships between you, your family as well as friends entails tremendous wisdom and craft. If you tell your woman about your brother’s disapproval of her, you may be forfeiting the opportunity of assuring your brother of your ability to control your home.
Besides, telling her may also pit her against other family members who may want to rally behind your brother if she insults him.
If you are sure of the choice you made and that your elder’s brother opposition isn’t premised on something more fundamental; please go ahead and secure your own happiness.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
I am in a relationship that is currently about two years of age. The girl in question is the same girl I intend to marry. I have taken her to my place and I have gone to see her people as well. Our traditional marriage ceremony is coming very soon.
The problem I have is that my elder brother does not like the girl I want to marry because of her profession. She is a police officer. Although my brother isn’t supporting me financially or offering any moral help his attitude is affecting me all the same.
Please how do I handle this?
Mr. J.
Dear Mr. J,
What is wrong in being a police officer? Since when did being a police person become a consideration in the process of marriage?
You are the one marrying this lady, not your brother. You are the one who will live with her and as long as you are comfortable about what she does for a living, don’t listen to what any other person has to say.
As your elder brother, he has a right to an opinion but that is as far as it goes. When it comes to the issue of marriage; it is a personal thing because the choice is one you must have to live with for the rest of your life.
For you to come this far with this woman; you must have found priceless qualities in her; ones you may never find in another woman; ones that in later years would give you the happiness you deserve in life.
This man may be your brother but he has no right to stand between you and happiness especially if the reasons are as flimsy as the one he is advertising. You are not going to be living with her uniform but the woman wearing the uniform. This is the point you should communicate to your elder brother.
Tell him that beyond the uniform of her profession is a woman who has all it takes to make you eternally happy. Marriage has no uniform, creed, colour, and tribe, beyond being rewarding and beneficial emotionally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually fulfilling to the two people involved.
If his fears are based on her paramilitary training and the possibility of her refusal to submit herself to your authority in the home front; for whatever it is worth; assure him that you don’t intend playing the hen-pecked husband and that her uniform is only relevant outside your home.
I suspect his discomfort with her has to do with your ability to manage the intimidation her uniform presents. Being an elder brother who perhaps has more knowledge of your limitations as a person, he is simply concerned. On this premise, humour him by explaining your need for this woman in your life as well as you capacity to head your home.
If after this, he persists in his attitude ignore him and go ahead with your plans to marry this woman.
However, in your interest, don’t discuss this with your woman because your woman may never be able to forgive your brother or forget the fact that he tried to stop you from marrying her. She may never be able to bring herself to treat him with all the respect he deserves as your elder brother; an attitude if not managed well may bring about a permanent crack in the quality of friendship between you and your brother.
Managing a home and maintaining a balance in the relationships between you, your family as well as friends entails tremendous wisdom and craft. If you tell your woman about your brother’s disapproval of her, you may be forfeiting the opportunity of assuring your brother of your ability to control your home.
Besides, telling her may also pit her against other family members who may want to rally behind your brother if she insults him.
If you are sure of the choice you made and that your elder’s brother opposition isn’t premised on something more fundamental; please go ahead and secure your own happiness.
Good luck.
Can’t found her, now that I know she’s nice indeed
With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Please I need your help. My ex-girlfriend whom I thought was wrong for me turns out to be the right one for me.
Years ago, I left her because of her very nasty and unreasonable temperament. But after all my experiences, I have discovered that despite her fault, she still has the best conduct and character.
We lost contact many years ago. Her number I have seems no longer to be in use. A friend of mine, who recently saw her, six months ago, misplaced the number and address she gave him.
I am desperate to reach her. I don’t know where to search for her. I am really confused. What should I do?
Taror.
Dear Taror,
Acknowledging that she has qualities others don’t have is the first step.
This acknowledgment would give you the necessary drive to make you go the extra mile in your search for her. It has also eclipsed whatever doubts you have about your ability to manage her temper as well as other challenges that might come your way as a couple.
Your past experience has also made it possible for you to be very objective in your thinking and choices.
What you should do now is to begin your search from the very last place you both parted. She isn’t a needle or ghost that would vanish with her roots. Someone, somewhere must know something about her and her current address. How and where did you meet?
When you were dating, what friends do you have in common? Who were her very close friends and among your circle of friends, who was she closest to? Where did your friend run into her? If he doesn’t remember her precise address, she must have given an information that would lead to her whereabouts.
Go back to places and people she visited. Depending on how you treated her, you may not get the red carpet treatment from friends and family members that still have one or two things against you over the way you dumped her. If this is the case, be prepared to be patient, to continue to give them every assurance that this time around you are for real and know the value of this woman your heart yearns for.
If you allow yourself to be discouraged or get angry with some of the things they may say to you, you may never be able to meet her.
And if they have moved from their previous address, it can’t be so long ago that people in the area where she once lived won’t know anything about her or her family. Go there and ask questions about her in the neighbourhood.
Look for phone numbers of persons likely to have her contact. Plead with them to give you her number. Explain to them your new feelings for her as well as your desire to have her to yourself now.
Make sure you drop the hint of your regrets and belated realisation that she is the best thing that has happened to you in a long while.
She may have asked your friend not to give you her number because of the way you treated her. So go back to that friend to explain your new feelings for this woman. Tell this friend and your other friends all about your dreams of having her back in your life. Don’t be shy to let them know about your desperation and determination to have her in your life.
Being able to convince your friends to queue behind you means you won’t be the only one searching for her. Several others, who believe in your love for her would at the end of the day also join you in your search, thereby helping to widen the scope of your search and brightening your prospect of finding her.
And when you finally see her, don’t frighten her off by coming too strong. Don’t forget she may be in a relationship with a man she may have come to love and respect for being able to tolerate the defect you were not ready to put up with. If in a very serious relationship it might not be very easy getting her to jettison certainty for uncertainty.
So you must begin by being her friend first. She has to be convinced through your behaviour that you would not lead her on and abandon her to her fate again. Don’t forget she must have been hurt by the way you treated her in the past and may not show too much enthusiasm for having you back in her life even if she isn’t dating anybody.
Yes, your relationship stands to benefit tremendously from the experiences of the past, but she must be given enough time to properly weigh her options like you. Don’t forget there are certain things about your behaviour too that was bringing all the tempers. She has to be convinced too that just like you she would be able to cope with them as best as you have made up your mind to do with her own shortcomings.
The extreme is for you to take a shortcut to her. The idea is to take advantage of popular romantic programmes on radio, television or newspapers to reach her. Desperate situation requires desperate solutions. The extent of your need for her would determine how far you are prepared to go to get your message across.
This is your life so don’t waste too much time because this is what you don’t have in abundance. Being a woman, she may be at the point of taking an all-important decision, one she may be taking with some regrets and secret tears in her heart.
Your call or presence may be what would make the most difference in her life as well as yours.
By also praying and asking God to intervene on your behalf is another way of preventing her from saying yes to another man before you get to her. Tell God to help you keep her if she is the right woman for you.
But if by the time you get to her, she belongs exclusively to another man, just know that your realisation of other qualities is meant to help you focus deeper on those essentials you need in a woman. No experience happens without a lesson.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
Please I need your help. My ex-girlfriend whom I thought was wrong for me turns out to be the right one for me.
Years ago, I left her because of her very nasty and unreasonable temperament. But after all my experiences, I have discovered that despite her fault, she still has the best conduct and character.
We lost contact many years ago. Her number I have seems no longer to be in use. A friend of mine, who recently saw her, six months ago, misplaced the number and address she gave him.
I am desperate to reach her. I don’t know where to search for her. I am really confused. What should I do?
Taror.
Dear Taror,
Acknowledging that she has qualities others don’t have is the first step.
This acknowledgment would give you the necessary drive to make you go the extra mile in your search for her. It has also eclipsed whatever doubts you have about your ability to manage her temper as well as other challenges that might come your way as a couple.
Your past experience has also made it possible for you to be very objective in your thinking and choices.
What you should do now is to begin your search from the very last place you both parted. She isn’t a needle or ghost that would vanish with her roots. Someone, somewhere must know something about her and her current address. How and where did you meet?
When you were dating, what friends do you have in common? Who were her very close friends and among your circle of friends, who was she closest to? Where did your friend run into her? If he doesn’t remember her precise address, she must have given an information that would lead to her whereabouts.
Go back to places and people she visited. Depending on how you treated her, you may not get the red carpet treatment from friends and family members that still have one or two things against you over the way you dumped her. If this is the case, be prepared to be patient, to continue to give them every assurance that this time around you are for real and know the value of this woman your heart yearns for.
If you allow yourself to be discouraged or get angry with some of the things they may say to you, you may never be able to meet her.
And if they have moved from their previous address, it can’t be so long ago that people in the area where she once lived won’t know anything about her or her family. Go there and ask questions about her in the neighbourhood.
Look for phone numbers of persons likely to have her contact. Plead with them to give you her number. Explain to them your new feelings for her as well as your desire to have her to yourself now.
Make sure you drop the hint of your regrets and belated realisation that she is the best thing that has happened to you in a long while.
She may have asked your friend not to give you her number because of the way you treated her. So go back to that friend to explain your new feelings for this woman. Tell this friend and your other friends all about your dreams of having her back in your life. Don’t be shy to let them know about your desperation and determination to have her in your life.
Being able to convince your friends to queue behind you means you won’t be the only one searching for her. Several others, who believe in your love for her would at the end of the day also join you in your search, thereby helping to widen the scope of your search and brightening your prospect of finding her.
And when you finally see her, don’t frighten her off by coming too strong. Don’t forget she may be in a relationship with a man she may have come to love and respect for being able to tolerate the defect you were not ready to put up with. If in a very serious relationship it might not be very easy getting her to jettison certainty for uncertainty.
So you must begin by being her friend first. She has to be convinced through your behaviour that you would not lead her on and abandon her to her fate again. Don’t forget she must have been hurt by the way you treated her in the past and may not show too much enthusiasm for having you back in her life even if she isn’t dating anybody.
Yes, your relationship stands to benefit tremendously from the experiences of the past, but she must be given enough time to properly weigh her options like you. Don’t forget there are certain things about your behaviour too that was bringing all the tempers. She has to be convinced too that just like you she would be able to cope with them as best as you have made up your mind to do with her own shortcomings.
The extreme is for you to take a shortcut to her. The idea is to take advantage of popular romantic programmes on radio, television or newspapers to reach her. Desperate situation requires desperate solutions. The extent of your need for her would determine how far you are prepared to go to get your message across.
This is your life so don’t waste too much time because this is what you don’t have in abundance. Being a woman, she may be at the point of taking an all-important decision, one she may be taking with some regrets and secret tears in her heart.
Your call or presence may be what would make the most difference in her life as well as yours.
By also praying and asking God to intervene on your behalf is another way of preventing her from saying yes to another man before you get to her. Tell God to help you keep her if she is the right woman for you.
But if by the time you get to her, she belongs exclusively to another man, just know that your realisation of other qualities is meant to help you focus deeper on those essentials you need in a woman. No experience happens without a lesson.
Good luck.
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