Wednesday, March 9, 2011

He wants me to leave if…

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

My boyfriend is behaving strangely. I am honestly getting fed up with him because I cannot place my fingers on what the matter is really.

He has told me severally that it is over between us; lacks respect for me, insults my family at will and above all lacks the courtesy to apologise yet he expects me to always tell him I am sorry whenever I offend him.

I have tried correcting him on this habit but he insists if I am not pleased with his character, I have the liberty to leave him for another guy. I am really confused because he has done so much and I don’t want to be an ingrate but he has changed so much from the person I used to know. I guess he is tired of the relationship.

Please advise me.

Bunmi.




Dear Bunmi,

It’s obvious that your once ideal man is tired of the relationship. Having told you severally that he wants you out of his life without you taking the hint to leave him alone, he decided to act it so you would know he is serious.

His behaviour would continue to depreciate until you are forced to do as he said.

This is deliberate. He is pushing you to the limit of your resistance knowing that when he insults you, your family members, treats you with no respect at all, your pride would eventually compel you into quitting the relationship.

You have done enough staying; at this stage nobody, he least of all, can accuse you of being an ingrate. The longer you stay with a man who is clearly not interested in how he treats you or the amount of insults he packs into his dealings with you as long as he gets what he wants the more ridicule you bring to yourself.

That he has lost every shed of respect for you is underscored by the inclusion of your family in the dispensation of his menu of insult.

It also points to something you may have done to him. Can you pinpoint the exact point he changed from loving to cruelty? Was there something he kept complaining about in your person or character but which you simply ignored?

Knowing where you went wrong would help prevent a re-occurrence in your future relationships. A lot of times certain things we count as being unimportant are the very things that end up torpedoing our happiness in life.

There is no way his change would have been so dramatic without your help. Even if you are unable to tell anybody how you conducted this relationship to this pitiable position, do yourself a world of good by admitting to your mistakes as well as limitations as a person.

Even if he takes you back by a stroke of miracle, if you don’t change your attitude, the same thing would happen all over again so it is in your interest you also examine your own faults with a view of helping yourself find happiness later in life.

If you remember the exact point he began to change, the events that characterised that period, his reactions to the issues as well as your own response, you will come to a realisation of what the problem could be.

But for now, step aside. By giving him some breathing space, he would have time to think and perhaps come to appreciate your position in his life. Allow him to miss you a little bit. You can be sure, if he is yours, God will find a way of bringing the two of you together again but if he isn’t, it is a clarion call for you to move and find better happiness elsewhere.

For something beautiful to grow in life, something has to die first. If your present relationship is the seed that would herald your new life, so be it.

Good luck.