Pastors say our marriage will end in doom...

Dear Agatha,

God will bless you and take you to a greater level in life. Please I need your advice on this issue confronting me.  

I am in a very serious relationship with a fair lady whom I know loves me so much too. But the problem now is that I have been told by three different pastors that I must never marry a fair lady, otherwise things will never work for me in life.

What surprises me most is that I have never discussed her issue with any of them.

I am just confused because she is the kind of woman I would have loved to marry. We share the same idea as well as feelings. She’s hardworking, creative loving and caring. Please help and readers too out there. 

Confused Man.

Dear Confused Man, 

There is the need for you to apply caution because obedience is better than sacrifice. Since three pastors at different times, without you consulting them told you the same thing, there is the need for you to go before God yourself to ask Him for confirmations and the way forward.

We all have access to God; depending on our level of faith and trust in the ways of God, He does reveal Himself to us. The thing is to know how to interpret the personal way God talks to us.

Often than not the answers and solutions to our problems are right before us; just that for so many of us, we lack the spiritual knowledge to understand the various signs God is using to transmit His message to us.

For some people, they have vivid dreams about what they ask, to some it comes in the mind of a silent and very gentle whisper, some it is intuition, a friend’s counsel, preaching on the radio, television or in the church, some come in the form of a text message from a friend or stranger and that gentle tug in the heart.

Since meeting this lady, what is your mind telling you? Not what you are telling yourself but what that invisible voice is ministering to you about the kind of woman that shall help you to build your life. To discover your personal communication key with God, you must go into prayers for God to reveal it to you.

At the point you are now, you must convince yourself that what these men of God are telling you is true to eradicate regrets later in your life. If you don’t have a personal encounter with God, experience Him yourself, the conviction to do as your pastors have said will always be met with either resistance or partial acceptance on your part. Going into marriage with such an attitude would only increase the several challenges that come with marriage and which at the end of the day could lead to general dissatisfaction with the choice you were forced to make. 

Hearing directly from God would give you the necessary confidence to give your marriage all it takes to make it work as well as open your heart to accepting the choice God has made for you.

What you should do is to come out and tell this lady what these different pastors have said. You have gotten to that crossroad where you cannot but come out with the truth. Let her have a clear understanding of the spiritual battle you are going through. Ask her to join you in prayers. If you are sincere and put the interest as well as will of God before your interests, He would surely settle both of you in ways you both didn’t envisage at all. 

Go into this prayer, not because of what these pastors said to you but like a child looking up to his father for help and guidance over an important matter as marriage. Be rest assured, it is one issue very close to His heart.

Good luck. 

She has penchant for uptown fun

Dear Agatha,

Please help me solve my problem. I am 22 years old in a relationship with a 20-year-old girl. It all started when she was taking her Senior Secondary School Certificate Examination. 

I love this girl with all my heart but she has never once told me she loves me. I took her out one day and she complained bitterly that I was disgracing her by going to the waiter to order for something twice.

According to her, I should have done it once. She is best described as a social butterfly and forever asking me to take her out to one of the latest and trendy places or the other. She tells me to send her credit, which I do always, and she hardly calls me with the credit I send her. When I ask her why she never calls, she tells me she doesn’t have money to buy credit. 

She hasn’t even told me she likes me. She has many male admirers. What do you suggest I do because I love her and want her for keeps?

Ogbuefi

Dear Ogbuefi,

This lady is far more experienced about life than you are, even at 22. Unless you are ready to do unorthodox things to sustain her lifestyle, there is no way you can ever please her financially. She has a cultured taste bud you don’t have as well as attitude whatever you make now cannot sustain.

You may love her but she doesn’t love you and appears to be tolerating your presence in her life due to lack of a better alternative. She is complaining about your behaviour because she isn’t exactly into you and hasn’t reconciled herself to you. 

Frankly, you need a woman to encourage you to self-actualisation, not one who is negative about you. This girl isn’t good for you, would not only make you lose confidence as a man but also as human being who has a destiny to fulfill on earth.

At every point in life, we need positive minded people around to give us the much needed encouragement to move on with our dreams; the kind of people that are matured enough to allow us to make our mistakes with the view of helping us discover through those mistakes our real strength. At 22, these are the kinds of people you need around you. The journey is only just beginning for you, therefore be sure you surround yourself with people who can help you grow, discover who you are as well as those willing to help develop you from dream to reality. 

The worst kind of mistake a man or woman can make is to be close to a person who isn’t ready to add value to his or her life. 

At 22, you are at that age when a serious minded youth plants for the days ahead. Are you in school or working? If you are in school, do concentrate more energy on your studies because at the end of the day, that is what would benefit you the most; get you the kind of woman you need in life.

The kind of love you have for this lady is the one that would eventually hurt you emotionally and psychologically. Respect begins from learning to support your partner in the little things that matter especially when in public. If she complains of your attitude in public, there is no telling the kind of things she would do later.

For this reason, allow her be. Refuse to continue to play the role of her credit-sending boyfriend. She would definitely come back if she has any feelings for you beyond the credit she gets.

Don’t allow the love you have for her make you stupid or appear incapable of existing without her. Much as I appreciate all that you are going through, it is always better to get hurt early in a relationship than wait for later when you would have invested so much into it. 

To help you get over the attendant pains that would follow this decision, concentrate more efforts on whatever you are doing and allow yourself enjoy the thrills and beauty of nature by going with some positive minded friends to tourists’ sites. 

These kind of places apart from helping to distract your mind from the pains within, also help one focus on the important things of life, those things we take for granted or don’t notice because of the other things we are involved in. 

When the time comes for you to deal with the complexity of the woman, God will send that special one who would give you all the support to grow into the kind of mind and man you dreamt you would be one day. 

You still have a long way to go to be ready for this kind of woman. It takes dedication on your work/studies, foresight, vision and determination to make it get you to the point of being ready. 

Good luck