He won’t wait till wedding night to have sex…

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,  
I am a graduate presently working here in Lagos. Please, I have an issue with my boyfriend. We have been dating for over a year now and through out our relationship he has been demanding for sex but I refused. He said he has no option than to look for another girl who will satisfy him sexually.
Since then we have been having issues. We do love each other but I don’t want to have sex with him until our wedding night just as I don’t want to get pregnant outside wedlock.
From the way I see things, he isn’t ready for marriage even though he is working.
I have tried to make him understand but he is proving difficult on this matter. Please advise me. What do I do? I don’t know the importance of sex in a relationship. 
Felicity



Dear Felicity,
Insist on what you believe in. When a man advertises sex as being of too much importance to him than the happiness of the woman in his life wisdom demands of the woman to be careful.
As a woman you have more to lose if he sleeps with you and at the end of the day he claims to find better pleasure in the arms of another woman. Sex shouldn’t be the reason a man and woman go into a relationship. There are numerous reasons and benefits more enduring than sex. These are the things that transform sex from a cheap and readily available thing to something special.
If marriage is what he wants from you, he shouldn’t market sex as his major interest. He should be more interested in discovering the nature and attributes of the woman he wishes to spend the rest of his life with. Quality sex can be taught anytime in one’s life, but not so for those things that make a marriage a haven of peace and happiness.
Telling you he would look for another lady who would satisfy him sexually should sound a note of warning to you. What assurances do you have that if you give him your body, he won’t find another reason to justify his interest in looking beyond you for pleasure? This kind of man would always find a reason to do whatever he wants to do.
The question you should ask him is whether he is interest in you! If truly he is interested in marrying you, he should be able to wait. Sex should be the icing on the cake on your wedding night.
However, you need to explain things better to him especially if he isn’t meeting you a virgin. Since you have already given your body to another man, he may think you are out to deceive him hence his insistence you give him right of way.
To assure him of your sincerity and fidelity, you have to give him strong reasons you changed your mind about being intimate with a man. You may not like his insistence but in his shoes too you would also feel the same way and deal with the doubts your refusal is creating in his mind.
If you were a virgin, it would be easier for him to understand but not when you have been intimate with a man before. If you really love him, plead with him for understanding and patience in this relationship.
Tell him you understand how he feels but would be honoured if he expresses understanding for your new position on premarital sex.
But he insists on having his way stick to what you know works for you.
The importance of sex can only come to full realisation in marriage because that is where God designed it to be. Sex is a special gift from God, given to married couples to cement, communicate and build a foundation of love and trust.
In addition it is to ensure continuity of life. It is a covenant between man and woman, the only thing that marries the souls and spirits of the couple. Because it is a covenant of love between a man and woman, when done with the wrong person it comes with some spiritual implications as the wrong person can always insist on a right of say in the other person’s life. This is why some people find it difficult to find a partner after leaving a particular relationship.
Although it is becoming increasingly difficult to abstain from sex in a world that celebrates sexual liberty, yet the best option remains the old time principle of waiting until the wedding night.