He is married but I still want him

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, My boyfriend is married but I love him all the same but he is hurting me by also dating other women. What can I do? Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, Stop denying the man’s wife the right to enjoy her marriage and man. If you are getting hurt on account of his relationships with other women, how do you think the wife feels by your own association with him? How do you think she feels when she wants her man, he isn’t there for her because he is with you? If you are feeling this bad as a girlfriend how would you feel if you were his wife; kill the women who are denying her of her rights as a wife and mother? Do you realise that you are not only denying her time with her husband but also the resources he would have spent on the family as well? Can you fathom the kind of needless sacrifices that woman is making to make up for the time and money he uses to maintain you? Have you ever sat to wonder at the injury, pains, and aches you are causing this woman? In her shoes, how would you feel; pray for the woman who making her work extra hard to maintain her home? Now that you know what it feels to be betrayed by someone you are in love with, allow this man be. Sometimes, God allows things to happen to point us at the right things to do. There is no way a man who is unfaithful to his wife will ever be faithful to a girlfriend. Whatever made him to go outside his marriage for fun are the same reasons he will continue to leave every woman has an affair with until he makes up his mind to be faithful to his vows. This man isn’t in love with you-that is why despite his many relationships he still goes back to the woman he is married to. He isnt the one that is hurting you rather you are the one who has exposed yourself to being hurt by him. The fact that he is married, unavailable to you means you don’t have a joint future, should have cautioned you against taking whatever promises he is making to you serious. Had he been single, your hurt would have been understandable but he isn’t, so why waste time in a relationship won’t value to your life in the long run? Before you get more hurt than you already are, take a walk away from it all. It would afford you the opportunity of meeting the real man for you. the more you hold on to him, the less your chances of becoming happy later in future and by the time you are ready to marry, the man you would have married would have become another woman’s husband. This man has nothing to lose rather you are the one who has more to lose if you continue with him. Men are hunters by nature and would always be excited by the sights of an available woman but it is the job of the woman to gate-keep her treasure to avoid disappointments, regrets and pains. If you are unwilling to do it for yourself, do it for the sake of this woman whose marriage is at stake. Good luck.

Who among them is right for me?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Thanks a lot for the right advice you give to people. You are a lifesaver and pray God will continue to bless you. Please I need your advice concerning my relationship. I am a young lady of 25 years of age. My major concern is how to know who would make the best husband among the three men asking for my hand in marriage? The second challenge is how to recognize true love as well as the qualities most important to look out for in a man. Furthermore, is it appropriate for a lady to be the one visiting the guy without the guy reciprocating the visit on account of certain excuses? Grace. Dear Grace, The realisation of who would make a good partner begins with own discovery. Without this, it becomes almost impossible to recognise that extra special thing in anyone coming for your hand in marriage or able to evaluate it in terms of long-term happiness. This is because what you don’t have, you cannot give. If you don’t have a dream, an idea of the real substance that would give you the kind of strength to generate the right amount of determination, it goes without saying your search would be limited to those perishable qualities. Before you can determine who is good for you, answer this question: how good are you to yourself? Have you been able to establish that important thing about yourself that would always give you happiness? Something any man coming into your life must help you hold on to if he desires the best of you? At times, love isn’t all that matters when deciding on who to spend the rest of one’s life with, other considerations go into it. A man may really be in love with his woman but lacks the right temperament to lead a home. Without the right kind of temperament, no matter how well a woman tries to deal with issues in her marriage, it soon becomes a struggle to stay with that kind of man. A man’s temperament envelops the kind of patience, support, respect, understanding and friendship he is willing to invest into making the marriage work. It also colours the way he would treat his wife both in private and public. A man that cannot handle his temperament is likely to act before he thinks, including beating the woman. Jealousy is one of the products of love. Can you withstand a man who loves you but lacks the power of self control? Can you stand the embarrassment of being questioned, suspected for doing nothing? Can you live with the fear of not knowing what to expect from your spouse if you have to work into the late hours? How long can you endure the insecurity of a jealous man? Can you stand a man who runs the home like a boss instead of a leader? Here it isn’t love that is the issue but being able to manage all the emotions love incite in a man. The secret strength of every relationship is the ability of the man to manage all the emotions that make love wholesome. Temperament is that inner quality that keeps giving marriage the precise radiance to stay fresh forever. Seasons come and go but that which cannot be affected by the devastation of time is who we really are inside of us; the real person and not the colour we are or the what we are. It is this quality that makes one person gloss over the failure or inability of others with sympathy and understanding while another person would choose to mock, insult or dehumanise that same person for the same slip. This is that something extra special you should look at in the men that are coming for your hand in marriage. By knowing what your limitations are as a person, it would be easy if you are truthful to yourself to come to an honest conclusions on which of these men can best manage that aspect of you successfully. Often time, young girls make the mistake of limiting their search lights in their quests for husband to the frivolities; such things as the man’s appearance, his social status, financial standing or connections are not the things that count at the end of the day. Out of all these men, who can you count on the most, the one that is likely to make the important sacrifices for you? Which of them has the stamina to deal with that side of you that others cannot cope with? There is a side to everyone of us even our parents find difficult to cope with. And of the three, who knows the face behind the mask of make-ups, can you look at the real you and not flinch? Can you manufacture a joke or he make you laugh when all you feel is like bringing down the entire world? Your answer is right before you as long as you are honest with yourself. True love is selfless-living in the body of the other person. True love puts the interest of the other person first, considers how an action would affect the other person first before doing it, is always willing to forgive and forget. A man who manufactures excuses not to reciprocate his girlfriend’s frequent visits to his home, is communicating his true feelings to the girl. Such a man prefers to allow his actions tell the story he is unwilling to say to the woman. No matter how busy a man is, if interested in a woman, he will make time out of no time to visit her. The excuse of not having time is given by both men and women to discourage an unwanted interest in the opposite sex. It is the nature of men to devote time to a woman they want desperately in their lives. Good luck.