Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Wife Refused Me Sex For Five Months


Dear Agatha,


Are there any medical implications for a married man especially spiritual, whose wife refused him sex for up to five months?

Worried Man.


Dear Worried Man,

Why is your wife refusing to make love with you? Has she a medical condition? Has she recently gone through a very difficult labour, cesarean section or any major operation? Did she contact any sexually transmitted disease from you? Are you two going through a difficult period in your marriage?

The issue is not about you having any medical condition over her refusal to make love with you but clearing whatever may have caused the dislocation in your union.

Whatever may have necessitated a married woman to deny her husband her body for up to five months must be major to warrant the risk of putting her entire marriage on the line.

The spiritual implication would not come from her refusal but the issues that led to the present sexual impasse between the two of you. It also comes from unfair resolution of issues between a man and woman.

Did you cheat on her? What led to her decision not to share her body with you? There is no way she would have had the guts to embark on such a decision if things were normal between the two of you or she didn’t have a good enough medical reason.

If her reasons are medical, they would soon pass. All you have to do is to give her all the support she needs to heal properly. Ensure she keeps faithfully to her appointments with the doctor to help her heal in the right places.

Putting her under the pressure of sex may have adverse effect on her, a situation that could affect her future health as well as sexual relationship with you.

No spiritual consequences ever come from a woman refusing to have sex with her husband if necessitated on legitimate grounds. If there are any spiritual implications, it would be on the partner refusing to keep his or her side of the marital bargain. If your wife is deliberately leaving you in the cold for no just reason, she is the one that would suffer any consequences that come from such denial, not you.

But if her reason has anything to do with something terrible you may have done, like contacting a disease that originates from you having an extra marital affair. It would be difficult for such a woman to willingly submit to your advances until you assure her she that you won’t be having extended sex with all the other women you are involved with.

Even if the disease has been treated, assurances must be given her that her life isn’t at risk anytime she opens herself up to you and she is protected by you from every danger unfaithful men expose their women to.

Really, if this is the case, you need to beg for her forgiveness because almost all the sexually transmitted diseases can cause infertility in women if not detected early. Being married and having only her man in her life, a woman who has been infected by her husband may never find out her medical condition until it is too late.

Such is the high risk of danger unfaithful men put their wives through. Women who find themselves battling unavoidable medical condition occasioned by their husband’s unfaithfulness naturally feel bitter as well as resentful hence, may say one or two things in anger against their husbands, which often times causes the men inexplicable problems.

If this is what gave birth to the challenge between you and your woman, the right thing is for you to beg for her forgiveness to neutralise whatever spiritual problems she may have brought upon you.

Whatever the challenge is between the two of you, the marriage creed demands that you both discuss it.

Sex is a very important component of marriage. Without it, a lot of things go wrong in the marriage and between the couple. Apart from the purpose of procreation, it allows the couple to bond in friendship as well as spiritual harmony. Take it away, the couple loses one of the vital tools of communication within the framework of marriage because sex helps a couple to establish its peculiar form of communication unknown to a third party. This is why you and your wife must do everything humanly possible not to allow whatever may have brought about this situation to persist.

Your wife, outside health reasons has no right to withhold the pleasure of her body from you. Her decision isn’t a solution instead, it would complicate things between the two of you. This is what you should let her know. The danger of holding herself from you for too long is pushing you into the waiting hands of another woman. Five months is a long time for a married couple, who live together, who don’t have a medical problem to tackle not to have sex. Whatever her reasons, let her know she has punished you enough especially as her act would not undo the events of the past.

It is not just spiritual complications sex brings, it also causes emotional as well as physical disabilities within the home.

Be honest with each other. Discuss with dispassion whatever may have caused this problem and apportion appropriately the blame. If you are wrong, ask for forgiveness and support not to hurt her again.

Her continued stubbornness to hold on to her decision may have something to do with the way you responded or treated the issues that brought about this stalemate in your relationship. A change in your attitude could be all she is waiting for to resume her role as wife.

Due to the volatile nature and implication to your marriage of this issue, it might be necessary to involve your spiritual leader if she continues to hoard her body from you.

The essence of telling and inviting a third party is to help her especially talk about those things she can’t discuss with you. Also, to be told by the intervening person about the dangers her pains won’t let her consider.

You also need prayers as well as a special relationship with God to ensure your marriage stays on track.

Good luck.