Monday, June 28, 2010

RE: My Adamant Online Lover Wants To Come Back

Dear Agatha,
I sincerely disagree with you on this one. Sometimes it seems you’re biased when it comes to issues where ladies misbehave or fail their men. The handwriting is so bold on the wall; this lady definitely has something to hide. And it’s not good enough to bring it out for Mr. Anxious Yankee to see or know. This kind of lady cannot be trusted. When will she change? When she settles down? Or will that be after five children for him?  A man and a woman who want to spend their lives together must be able to trust each other with their lives. This lady is not trustworthy. It’s as simple as that. No explanation is good enough for this disappointing failure on her part. As long as she wasn’t indisposed and hospitalised, one day out of thirty is a sacrifice she should be more than willing to make to visit her man, considering she was freely provided with all necessary logistics. This lady has something up her sleeve, why is she calling and sending him text messages now that he’s back in the USA?
In as much as time is of the essence for any woman and a distance relationship would not suite her too well, she wasn’t forced into it, she agreed to it on her own, she should have weighed the consequences of a distance relationship and possible outcomes before engaging in it. If she wasn’t willing to give the relationship the 120 per cent it required and making all the necessary sacrifices that a distance relationship would require, she should never have gotten into it in the first place. A distance relationship obviously requires a lot of extra work, sacrifice, dedication, commitment, faithfulness and loyalty from both parties involved, so that trust and love are not damaged.
And I’d like to ask. To what end do you say time is of the essence for a woman, is it as regards her productive years as a mother or her youth and physical beauty? I want to believe it’s not the latter, because it would be very bad if we judged our women by how beautiful or young they looked! And I want to believe you wouldn’t be encouraging that. Beauty is skin deep and true love does not look at age or youth!
I’m a regular reader of your column, I’ve read many articles people sent in to complain of still having feeling or cheating with an ex-lover while married. Sometime last week, a lady wrote to inform you she was in love with a married evangelist with children and he was obviously in love with her. These are scenarios that “might” lead to such situations, though not necessarily all the time. But we never can tell, we must be willing to safeguard our trust and credibility at all times in all situations in all relationships, this lady had failed woefully in this aspect, without even necessarily accusing her of anything, she has no excuse whatsoever that will be good enough.
The bottom line is that this lady has something to hide, she shouldn’t be given a chance to explain herself, Mr. Anxious Yankee as a lawyer should know that given all this time, she’s had enough time to fabricate a story, if she’d come upfront from the start like a relationship of this nature would require, it would have saved all these issues. If she had nothing to hide, she should have been there for him, for at least one of those days that he was here in Nigeria. The lady in question is not capable of a distance relationship and cannot be trusted; this action of hers is typical of an untrustworthy, dubious and wayward person. Trust is like virginity, once lost can never be regained, it’s like a broken egg, once broken can never be out back together. Personally, I think this relationship is over, if they stay together and get married, someday the skeletons in the cupboard will come to haunt the relationship!
Myke.


Dear Myke, 

Thanks for this mail. When I say time is of essence to a woman, I mean in terms of her reproductive years. Nature, you would agree with me, has pegged the reproductive years of the woman, whereas the man is more fortunate not to have such biological limitations. Beauty, to me, is what the person has inside and not what the person looks like.