Dear Agatha,
The first thing I do everyday is to go to Daily Independent’s Website to read your helpful and inspirational column, providing answers to the many difficult questions put across by all of us.
I want to thank you so much for the advice you gave to Tutu whose boyfriend has decided to remain a mom’s boy, even at 44. I read it as if I was the one going through the pains and I began to weep for her, I am serious! I just pray she didn't abort the baby as you advised her because it may indeed be her last chance. As the saying goes “Heaven helps those who help themselves.”
Just imagine, I have been looking for a child for about eight years now, and here is someone older than I do who though finds it easy to get pregnant but whose man keeps asking for abortion due to his mother’s position on having baby outside wedlock.
I just don’t understand this life. Here, I am trying to get pregnant eight years after marriage while another one finds it so easy to be pregnant but her man wouldn’t want it.
You see I am really tired of these mothers who use the mystery and power of their womb against unwanted child.
I know I will become a mother someday too and pray that I would resist the temptation to use my maternal powers to hurt my child. It is callous and evil of mothers to use their advantageous position to deal with their children. It is plain evil.
Agatha, look at my story for instance, one which you are very familiar with. My mother dumped me at a very tender age. Then people thought she was either ashamed of her act or felt my father wasn’t good to her then. However, all these sympathetic thoughts evaporated into thin air when she got pregnant for another man in less than a year. She wasn’t done. Three years after, she got pregnant for her third man and went on to fourth man. What do you call such a mother? What sort of mother do you call mine?
After seven children for different men she now lives with a man 16 younger to her in a house I rented for her. At least, the mother of Tutu’s fiancé cared for her children when her husband died. Mine didn’t care for me at all.
To my mother, I am just like a cursed child but she still expects me to pick her bills as well as all the other children she bore. When I show reluctance or not in a position to meet her several demands, she poisons me with venom so much so accusing fingers are being pointed at her for my childlessness.
Whenever I listen to beautiful eulogies and testimonials on the outstanding qualities of mothers and how important they are to their children, I cannot but weep at my misfortune, having a mother that doesn’t care.
I have been taking care of myself since I grew up. I have fallen into the hands of really bad friends in Lagos, but God saved me from their devilish lifestyles all because of the type of mother I have.
I have been fortunate; at least, I have never taken drugs, alcohol or indulged in any peer pressured social vices because of the training I got from my dad and my guardians. Despite my challenges with my mother, I sometimes sit back to thank God because of His mercies over my life.
Agatha, tell me why do I have to do anything with a woman who has vowed to destroy me because she carried me in the mystery of her womb for nine months?
I honestly thank God I never sucked her breast for one day, otherwise by now I would be completely good for nothing.
Aunty Agatha, I am really tired, just hoping that my story will change this year for the best as well as the likes of Tutu with mothers or mothers-in-law who are determined to cause pains in their lives.
Princess.
Dear Princess,
Thanks for sharing your experience with Tutu and the rest of us. I am sure God will intervene too in your matter very soon.
Having a not too perfect mother can be very challenging as well as painful but when one’s trust is put entirely in God, the situation can be managed in such a way that it would not affect the child negatively.
There is no denying the mystery of the mother’s womb, but such powers can only be exercised if the mother is on the right track and if the child knows what to do.
No matter how much your mother has hurt you, play your role whenever called upon to do so in whatever measure you can afford. Mothers too are human beings hence don’t expect all of them to be perfect in manner. Having treated your letter before, I am aware of the issues involved in your case. And I still insist, your mother’s case should be treated with caution since all the men of God you have consulted pointed her as the cause of your barrenness. Also, you have been given visions to that effect yourself. We all cannot have wonderful, caring and loving mothers.
There are some mothers who are worse than the devil. Being your mother, she knows you more than you know yourself. She has all your history in her hands irrespective of whether or not you sulked her breast. She bore the pains of bringing you into this world. She saw you first, and experienced your first cry.
It is for these reasons, you must be extra careful in how you deal with her. The bloodline is the worst kind of battle to fight because she forms part of your foundation. Without her body, you won’t be alive today. So, if for nothing else, but for this reason learn to be wise on issues concerning her. God didn’t make a mistake using her to incubate you.
If you refuse to pray for her deliverance, you would continue to be her victim and might never have the chance of being happy in life. Like we learnt from Tutu’s story, a mother determined to have her way can be unreasonable, blind and deaf to everything and anything around her.
When a mother’s passion is involved, her passion makes enemy of anybody including her own children who dare to stand against her. If you come to the realisation that the elasticity of a woman’s womb can work for and against her child in the same capacity, children with disagreeable mothers would learn not to take things for granted because the other side of love is called hatred.
Just like one mother is ready to go the extra mile to protect and ensure the well-being of her children, another is just as ready to go the same length if not further to destroy that child. This is because any woman can be a parent, but not all women can be maternal. Your mother, from what you have described is a parent, she isn’t maternal and nothing you do or don’t do can bring about any maternal feelings on her part towards you. So you just have to make do with what you have as well as learn to depend on God, since He remains the only true and most loving parent we would ever have in life.
Therefore, dwelling too much on why she doesn’t like you or determines to see you in constant pains would only end up hurting you the more. Trust me, certain things are best ignored in life.
While you don’t have to go out of your way to ensure you meet all her demands, you must give the little you can afford for posterity sake. Your consideration for her would speak up for you if she decides to go too far with you.
Like I said before, when God’s time comes for you to be a mother, you will, because there is yet to be any power in heaven or earth that can stop the words of God from manifesting in your life. Once you are at peace with Him and recognise Him in that special way a child does a loving and caring parent. All He needs to move in an extraordinary way in your life is for you to learn to trust Him implicitly.
That you are frequent in church or its activities doesn’t count as being faithful to God. In everyway, you have to constantly show that you trust and belief in His words more than those of the pastors or the fears of your mother’s behaviour.
Pray and look up to Him and not to your pastors. Even if your mother is the devil incarnate, once God stands firm in your favour, there is nothing she can do about you again.
Good luck.
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