Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Hope People Won’t Complain If I Marry My Stepbrother?

Hope People Won’t Complain If I Marry My Stepbrother?

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626            


Dear Agatha

I am 35 years of age and still single. None of the relationships I have entered into has ever lasted beyond three months in my entire life. The men always find one way or the other to dump me. I have since lost count of the many men I have dated all because I want to be married. 

Funny enough, these men usually don’t have any concrete reason for dumping me. 

However, last year I ran into my stepbrother. His father was married to my mother. He only stayed with us briefly before he left for the United States to further his studies. Being older than I am and his stay with us very short, we didn’t get to be friends so didn’t bother to keep touch. 

I didn’t even recognize him when I met him in my boss’ office. He was the one who did. His father and my mother died six and five years ago respectively.

We exchanged numbers so we could keep in touch. We both discovered we were both still single and looking for partners. One thing led to the other and he asked me out. I won’t pretend I don’t like him or lie about our intimacy. 

The issue now is, he is asking me to marry him, but is it right to marry him? Is it acceptable considering that his father was married to my mother? I am the only child of my mother just as he is the only one of his father. 

What do I do now, because I happen to love him so much, but scared of what people who knew our parents would say?

Ola.


Dear Ola, 

Even if it isn’t right for the two of you to marry, you both have already slept with each other. So, the issue of whether it is right to marry him or not is belated. 

From my investigations on the matter, there is nothing stopping both of you from marrying. Beyond the fact that your parents married each other, you and this boy are not related. You two are perfect strangers that circumstances brought together first when your parents married and later in life. 

To be successful in life, you must learn to be a little bit selfish because nobody loves you as much as you love yourself. Yes, you need the love and support of friends and others to succeed but when it comes to defining one’s happiness, learn to depend more on yourself.

People will always talk; as a matter of fact, this is what so many people do best. Talk about other people and in the process stop these people they are talking about from being happiness. Nobody ever gives another person happiness on a platter of gold. You must work towards achieving it on your own, so ignore whatever anybody is going to say and concentrate more on how much happiness and difference this man is going to make in your life.  What should concern you now is how much of this man you know. Irrespective of the challenges you have gone through in the past can you trust him with your life? It is important you do, because having waited this long, it will be most unfortunate to end up with the wrong partner. You must be clear about the ability of this man to keep you happy as well as your own preparedness to submit to him in the way God designed it from the beginning. 

This is why you must not concentrate too much effort on the physical side of the relationship. That is one aspect of a relationship that will always be there. In your interest, look deeper into him. Make sure there is no wife and children somewhere living abroad. Get to know everything about him, his temperament, attitude and character. Do you consider him dependable enough to stand by you when the challenges of the two of you living together come calling? You must be able to trust him at all time because that is the only time you can be loyal to him. 

In turn you have to learn to be caring, understanding, respectful, patient, honest, tolerant and very prayerful to overcome the challenges of your past. That you have had the numerous experiences of disappointment shows that you have some pressing spiritual matters to attend to. Aggregate all the mistakes you have made in your previous relationships to make this one better. 

Go to God in prayers to avoid carrying whatever is causing you these disappointments over into marriage. Let God Himself show you what to do and where to go for assistance. He only sees and knows the end from the beginning. If it is deliverance you need, He will show you the source of the problems to make your deliverance complete. 

Unless God intervenes, this kind of problem doesn’t just vanish. It goes away to manifest in another man. So before anything else, ensure you deal with it once and for all to prevent it overshadowing your happiness later in life.

Good luck.