Thursday, June 11, 2009

Three At My Skirt… Who Do I Pick?


Dear Agatha,


I have three lovely fiancés who have all proposed marriage to me. The problem is, I don’t know whom to pick among them, as they are all ready to settle down.

Worried Girl.


Dear Worried Girl,

Three fiancés? The issue here is, are you ready to settle down? Do you understand what commitment is and settling down involves?

For that matter what do you understand by the word fiancé? What does relationship mean to you? Is it for you a jolly ride or something more responsible?

There is no way you will not be confused because you never had any idea of your ideal man in the first place. Whatever led you to keeping three men at the same time may hamper your ability to settle for the right man if you don’t first take time out to reflect on the qualities you want in a man and what would keep you faithful to one man.

You first have to grow the habit of faithfulness else you may end up being unable to keep your marriage vows to your husband. This is imperative because the ability to be faithful doesn’t grow on the tree overnight. It takes nurturing, perseverance, patience, understanding as well as determination to grow.

From your records, you clearly lack any of these attributes; so going into marriage with any of these men would not only destroy the faith of these men in other women but also give you a reputation you may not be proud of at the end of the day.

If you can sort out the problem you have with yourself, values and wants, it would be easier for you to know which of these men can make you absolutely happy.

Good luck.

Somebody Salvage My Life From This Mess?


Dear Agatha,


I wish to thank you for the wonderful works you have done in the lives of so many people. May God grant you more wisdom and continue to bless you.

I am 24 years old and a 300 Level Computer Science student in one of the higher institutions in Nigeria.

My problems started eight months ago when I lost my parents in a fatal motor accident. Ever since then I have been facing a lot of problems though I have two elder brothers but are totally irresponsible. They both do drugs and have between them wasted all our father’s investment within these few months. My elder brother sold one of my father’s houses I normally stay while on holidays two months ago with the promise to get me a smaller place of my own.

The man who bought the house has made the payment yet my brother isn’t saying anything about the house anymore, which has practically left me homeless during the holidays.

It isn’t as if I don’t have uncles and aunties I can stay with but due to the way our parents brought us up, I am not close to any of them, making it difficult for me to seek assistance from them.

However, the major challenge I am facing now has to do with the payment of my school fees. Without paying, I can’t sit for my examinations. All efforts to get the money from friends have proved abortive.

Flowing from my experience, I wonder why some people are simply unlucky or is it just me? Does it mean I won’t be a graduate like my friends because I no longer have money?

My worst nightmare has to do with the woman I once thought loved me as much as I loved her. Since I can no-longer foot her bills she called off our relationship without a second thought for my feelings and my obvious need of her.

Why are girls all after money and not true love? Right now I feel I am alone in this world. To be honest with you, I am really getting tired of praying without any positive change in my current status.

I urgently need a saviour and I am willing to do anything in return. I also need someone to love and call my own, to stand by me until all these is over.

Alvin.


Dear Alvin,

What do you want the most now: someone to love or help with your education? There is no way anyone would consider you a serious young man in need of help with his education if you are also questing for the love of a woman.

In your condition, the two don’t go together; one has to be pegged for the other to flourish.

The reality of your situation demands you set new priorities totally different from the ones you had when your parents were alive to support you. Despite having elder brothers ahead of you, you are all alone hence must learn to be better focused on what you actually need and not what you think you need.

The truth is nobody would be willing to bet on a man who believes in mixing pleasure with business. Any girl now would be a distraction and a huge burden on whatever you are able to make. The situation demands you focusing more squarely on seeing how you can graduate first before any other thing.

Your situation calls for self-discipline and denial. It also calls for learning to develop yourself through looking inwards for answers to your problems. The truth about all these is that you may not get a helping hand anywhere. If that happens, what do you intend to do? Vacate your dreams of becoming a graduate and being someone profitable to the society in future?

That your parents died suddenly doesn’t mean your own dreams too have to die with them. God invests so much in all of us to allow that to happen.

Don’t forget, before you were born, He had you wired with all the things you need to survive through storms, rains and shines. What you should do is to look at your God given manual that is if you know where to look at, you would discover that in you He created software to think care of this period in your life. He knew your parents would die when they did and that your brothers would behave precisely as they are behaving.

God doesn’t leave us without plenty of alternative routes to take us out of the abyss. Your help may not come from others but from your own resolve to make it with or without help from anybody.

Your cue is to examine what you are good at. Even if anyone is going to offer help, he or she must know your abilities as a person. The person may not be asking for collateral or repayment but assurances that you will judiciously make use of the opportunity given.

What is it that you can do better than others? Do you have the boldness and right attitude to make things work for you? Do you come with the drive that rejects ‘no’ and only recognises ‘yes’ even the night at its darkest? Do you have the faith to achieve the impossible?

Weeping or lamenting your situation would not change things neither is getting too desperate. Learn to be calm always no matter how harsh the weather condition is. Desperation would only open you to fatal mistakes while self-control enables you to objectively weigh all the options without caving in to the problems.

In the alternative, what can you do on your own? If you weren’t born into a privileged family wouldn’t you have survived?

The difference between our failure and success is determination. And one way to have this determination is to have a dream. Once you know what you want, getting there won’t be a problem because even if you fail and fall on the way, the joy of getting to the trophy makes the journey enjoyable.

Think of a business you can do to sustain yourself while at school. A lot of children from humble home survive by trading in either new or second hand clothes, selling recharge cards, doing menial jobs or other humble and honest things to survive.

Once you are not proud and able to adjust to the reality of your situation without considering the reactions of your friends to your new lifestyle, you will laugh at last.

Hard work doesn’t kill but pride does. One thing you should never forget in life is nobody cares about the happiness of another person. If you don’t learn to listen to yourself, make your own judgement and take decisions designed to help you become a success story, nobody will. Most people are only good at laughing and discouraging others from being happy.

Let them call you names, focus on the end result of your dreams and you will see how these same people flock to you after you have succeeded.

If you didn’t know how to pray until now, begin to do so. If you never had a relationship with God, take the step of faith towards His throne of grace and mercy. He will find you accommodation as well as your other needs.

If it’s any assurance, we all go through dry and hungry days in the wilderness of life. Those who are today world leaders have their spell of wilderness experiences.

Good luck.