Dear Agatha,
I am finished. I don’t know where to turn to or what to do anymore. The children I have devoted my entire life serving have decided to be the cause of my destruction.
Seventeen years ago, my husband and I went our different ways. Being such an irresponsible man, I took away with me the three children of the marriage. He didn’t bother to come after us, and no any member of his family did too. According to his mother, they would see how far I went with the training of the children. His mother never liked me from the very first moments she first saw me.
She didn’t hesitate to tell the son that I wasn’t the kind of wife she had in mind for him. Because I was already pregnant at the time, the son had no choice but to go ahead with the wedding plans we had both put in place.
On the day of our wedding the mother came in very late and didn’t bother to hide her displeasure at all. When it was time for her to take photographs with us, she announced to anyone who cared to listen that the marriage wouldn’t last. Hence needless for her to waste her time posing for photographs.
She gave me a very tough time all the way. She simply moved in with us; there was nothing I could do but to accept the situation since my husband appeared submissive to the mother in all things.
We had our children in quick succession, something the mother couldn’t complain about. Our first son arrived five months after our wedding, while our only daughter came 14 months after the birth of her brother. Our last child, also a boy came 13 months after the birth of his sister prompting the mother to ask if all I do is to lure my husband into bed to make babies.
After that only God knows what she told or did to her son, because his whole attitude changed towards me. He became very violent refusing to give us money for feeding.
It got so bad, I had to engage myself in petty trading at home since my mother-in-law refused to take charge of the children to enable me look for work.
When the suffering, violence and neglect became too much, friends and family members advised me to leave him.
I had to leave when his mother too joined in beating me.
Initially my elder sister offered us refuge, but when the pressures of fending for four mouths became too much for her, she gave us money to rent a place of our own, a mini flat as well as some money for me to begin trading with. I knew our presence was causing trouble between her and her husband.
But for her support, things would have been very tough for me because she took over the payment of our rent as well as providing funds for us whenever we needed anything. Being her only sibling, she never left me on my own.
For the 17 years we have been on our own, I have gone from one job to the other all for the purpose of ensuring my children never lacked.
And just when I thought I had done a good job of raising my children, I found out that my eldest son and daughter have been sleeping with each other to the point of the sister getting pregnant for her brother.
The worst of it all is the refusal of any doctor to perform an abortion on her. The two doctors we consulted said they couldn’t do it because it could jeopardize her life.
At the church, where the prophesy of her pregnancy first came, I was warned not to attempt aborting the pregnancy and not to reprimand my children because what happened was manipulated to humiliate me as well as terminate the lives of my daughter and son, who out of guilt at the death of his sister would also commit suicide. The funny thing is that they claim not to recollect how it all started and how often they do it. Already both of them are manifesting suicide tendencies. Last week, I caught my daughter with some drugs she had intended taking to end her life, while my son is ever so quiet I don’t know what to do to get through to him.
The issue now is how to face the world with the news that my daughter is pregnant for my son? What do I tell their father and his family who even though are responsible for this mess would still make me pay for it?
I don’t know where else to go Agatha!
Desperate Mother.
Dear Desperate Mother,
In times like this when the world seem to be dancing a macabre on what appears to be one’s grave of life, the only place to turn to is the house of God who in His wisdom sees, knows and does all things to please and honour His name.
There is no other place more assuring to be, but in His presence. Remember He can do all things and has the absolute authority over our situations as well as the unseen powers that fight us.
Remind Him that nothing in your situation or those that your children find themselves in would honour His name and that He should step in, in the only way He knows to wipe away your tears of pains and humiliation at this development.
This is the time to trust Him completely and not to take powers into your own hands. For this to have happened, it is either you went too far away from the presence of God or He is planning something to demonstrate His awesomeness to everyone concerned.
Either way, don’t ever leave His side, because this is the time you need Him more than ever before. It is also the time to get your pastor to stand in gap for you. He should join you in prayers of intercession as well as agreement.
I know how dreadful periods like this can be when it seems the world is against you. If you are not strong in the lord, this is the time one makes the most mistakes from the different advises that come your way. To help yourself stay under the authority of God, don’t discuss this with too many people.
The less pressure you put on these children as well as yourself the better for all concerned. This is to avoid the attendant talks and mockery that come with all these as well as the social condemnation your children would face if the news spread around. Since your daughter is already manifesting suicidal tendencies, chances are if she confronts rejection and mockery from those around her, she would do something more drastic. So keeping quiet about this is more for the protection of the sanity of your children. Talk only to those you know are concerned and are ready to offer you meaningful help.
For now, send your son to a trusted family member to cool off for a while, someone who will offer him quiet support without being harsh or condemning. His deadpan quietness is a sign that mentally, he isn’t stable and capable of doing anything dangerous to himself. The stage is far too gone for regrets because the act has been committed. As their mother, your concern should shift from your humiliation to how best you can navigate them from this whole mess.
At this point, nobody matters; your in-laws or husband can say or do what they like. At this critical point, what they do or say isn’t as important as helping your children spiritually and physically come out of this with the most minimal problems. This should be your major concern not people who abandoned you with the children for all these 17 years waiting for you to fail and fall so that they can laugh at you.
If you have the means, it might best to send him out of the country, away from his sister as well. Discuss this option with your elder sister. In sending him away, let him know, you are not condemning him but giving him an opportunity to begin life afresh without the burden of guilt and condemnation from the society. The good thing about youths is that they have a lot of time on their side, hence are able to get over issues like this quicker than the elderly ones. With prayers on your part, he will come to live a normal life again.
As for your daughter, if you still have a mother or a trusted aunty, send her there to quietly have the baby while you all consider the possibility of putting the baby up for adoption. Rather than keep a child you will never be happy with, that will always remind you of a time you want to forget, give the baby to a couple who really need it, who will grow the child as their own, who will be happy to have the child. It could be the purpose of God in all these. Ask God to personally direct you to the couple He wants you to give the baby to, because He works in ways you and I can’t see or understand.
Giving the baby up for adoption would not only give your daughter the chance to live a normal life again, but solve the problem of having to explain the identity of the child.
Spiritually, there is the need for both of your children to go through the process of deliverance to cleanse them from the spiritual implications of a brother and sister sleeping together.
And as a mother, there is the need for you to pay more attention spiritually and physically to the welfare of the children, because in a way, you also are to blame for this mess. You were too busy looking for money to have time for the children; else you would have seen the signs spiritually or physically.
As a mother, you are to stay on the alert for your children at all times.
Challenges with in-laws are best fought and achieved on the knees praying for God’s direction at all times.
Good luck.
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