I’m Too Timid To Ask Her Out…

Dear Agatha,

I must say a very big thank you for the good job you are doing. God will continue to bless you for this good job of yours. Please keep it up.

My problem, there is this girl I like so much, but afraid to ask her out.

We actually started as chat mates on phone before we became good friends. I have visited her at her house and we are so close that I cannot sleep at night without saying or sending her a goodnight message. I have asked her and she said she does not have a relationship and I believe her. Yet I am still scared of asking her out for fear that she might turn me down for reasons I do not even now.

Agatha, I am too involved now and love this girl so much. Please help me.

Confused Lover.

---

Dear Confused Lover,

Don’t be. It is the duty of the man to ask and the woman to either accept or decline. Being friends, you have an advantage others don’t have. At least, your friendship with her has armed you with some knowledge about her. If nothing, you must by now have inkling into her temperament, things she likes and what she doesn’t like.

For her to have told you she is without any relationship in her life means you won’t be stepping on any toe if you ask her out.

The good place to start is to ask why she has no boyfriend. Listen to her reasons before probing further into what she likes the most in her man. Give her all the chance to talk about herself and likes before telling her your own views about your ideal woman. End it by telling her she fits perfectly into the image of your ideal woman and that you would appreciate if she gives you the chance to be more than a friend to her.

Make her understand that nothing much would change because you enjoy so much being her friend. That the only thing that would change is your commitment to each other, which makes it forbidden to both of you to date other persons.

The fear of rejection would arise if you have other things in mind except friendship. Her rejection as well annoyance would come if she thinks you are trying to take advantage of her friendship with you to insult her integrity. Once she knows that your feeling for her isn’t out of disrespect, but something real and wonderful, even if she lacks the same sentiments for you, she will never cease to be your friend. Especially if she has the maturity to understand that such feelings are necessary attributes of life.

The danger of you not trying is to have someone snatch her right under your nose, while you look on. By that time you will only have your dreams to hold on to and the painful memories of regrets.

Which would be more painful, have her taken away from you due to fear of rejection or have her reject you, but with the satisfaction that you at least tried?

Fear is meant to be conquered, so go to her and tell her what you feel. The worst she can do is to say no, not condemn you to life imprisonment or death for doing what men are supposed to do.

Good luck.

Her Snoring Sends Me On Permanent Night Duty

Dear Agatha,

I am a specialist nurse in one of the leading hospitals in Victoria, Australia.

My wife and I have been married for six years and our marriage is blessed with two lovely kids. My main problem is my wife snoring habit. It has became a big trouble for me, I am a light sleeper and most nights I only have may be two to three hours of sleep because of her snoring.

Over the years, I have woken her up on several nights to change her breathing position to control the loud noise, but it will only work for few minutes before it starts again.

I have tried earplug but never feel comfortable with it and on few occasions that I have to relocate to the guest room, she didn’t like the idea. Now I have technically taken to night duty to allow me the opportunity to sleep during the day and only face my trouble again when I have my off day. She has been asking me when I am going to stop night duty, I know she senses that my night duty is deliberate because I am not obliged to if I don’t really want to being a senior clinician at the hospital.

What do I do?

Tade.

---

Dear Tade,

Signing up for permanent night duty won’t help or make the problem vanish rather, it would only destroy your home and marriage. Very soon your wife may begin to think you are having an affair, a trend that would spell disaster to your home.

The best thing is for you to tell her why you have resigned yourself to permanent night at work. She may not have full appreciation of how her snoring habit affect you but telling her it is the reason you now spend the night at work would help her device an acceptable approach that would keep you at home every night.

Being in the medical field, you know there is nothing effective that can cure or stop snoring. Therefore you both must come up with an acceptable mid-solution aimed at preserving your marriage as well as sanity within it. This is the point you both have to make sacrifices for the sake of your children because any attempt by either of you to do a sole job of this or make a rigid position could spell doom on your marriage and consequently affect your children.

In resolving this matter, it is important you put the interest of the children above yourselves.

Because you have to be on alert, at all time in your profession, you need sleep, quality one for that matter. Therefore, if you have tried everything, none of which worked, it is best you give in to reality. The reality here is that she snores and you need sleep to function. Since you cannot put up with the noise, one of your options is to consider separate rooms.

Having separate rooms ensure you get to sleep as peacefully as you like while she has the satisfaction of having you in the house. The extra room is only to serve as your escape room, not your marital room in the night when the noise from her snoring becomes too much for you to put up with.

Your clothes and personal effects stay in your main room, meaning until you are ready to sleep and then on those nights she needs your company or you need hers, you get to pay the sacrifice of putting up with her snoring.

You may be sailing your marriage into troubled waters, unless you are both ready to make the necessary adjustment to suit the demands of a situation.

So, talk to her and let her see how much her snoring is affecting you. Once you make her understand precisely what you are going through by the noise she makes at night, she won’t complain too much about you sleeping in the guest room.

Good luck.

Re: Before Her Brags Set Me Against Our Family

Click here for the original article and comment(s)