Wednesday, February 10, 2010

(Upcoming) Events


What? Just Before Valentine

When? February 13, 2010 @4pm

Where? Auditorium of the Leadership Center, 30A Coker Road, Ilupeju, Lagos.


Guest Speaker: Dr. Chris Williams


An initiative of Daily Independent Newspapers; this year’s edition is supported by Singles Mingle and ACE Nigeria.



Still Want Her Despite Cheap Blackmail By Her Aunty


Dear Agatha, 

The way God has been using you to build so many troubled relationships and also save some homes from collapsing is so wonderful. 

My prayer for you is that God will continue to give you more wisdom so that you will be a blessing to our generation. 

I need your urgent advice on this issue. There is this girl I knew when she was in secondary school living with her aunty in Lagos. She later relocated to Ile-Ife when she gained admission to the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. 

We are both from the same local government in Edo State, but not the same village. I can speak her language very well, because I did my nursery, primary and secondary schools education in her village. 

We were neighbours in Lagos before I also moved. When we first met she was about 14 years of age so I refused to disclose my intentions to her.

She is now 24 while I am 30. In December last year, I made known my intentions to marry her to her aunty who advised I should personally tell her niece. I did as advised. She agreed to my proposal. We spent the Christmas period together. 

But I noticed she was never too happy and when I make references to her aunty she behaves coldly. She even warned me not to involve her aunty in our relationship. I had to explain that I decided to involve her aunty to demonstrate my seriousness with her. 

There was a day I called her in school and her phone was switched off. Having told me before the incident that she had stomach problem, in panic, I had to call her aunty to share my worries with her. My girlfriend called later when she saw my missed calls, confirmed my fears that she was indeed hospitalised following the severity of the stomachache. 

Again when I told her of the calls I made to her aunty, she wasn’t too pleased. The next day at night, her aunty beeped me and since I didn’t have enough credit, I told her I would call her the next day, a promise I kept. Explaining her reason for beeping me, she said she didn’t want to be blamed later in life for concealing such important information from me. She told me my girlfriend’s church doesn’t support the girls to marry outside the fold of the church. And that one of her daughters who is close to my girlfriend informed her that she was already dating a man in the church. She therefore told me to discontinue the relationship because my girlfriend was only interested in my money, and that I would end up regretting my relationship with her.

Agatha, I don’t want to hurt this lady, who for all I know may be innocent of what her aunty said. I am worried, she may be out to ruin whatever chance of happiness my girlfriend has with me, and that her motive may have been prompted by jealousy.

When I told my girlfriend that we would be going to see her mother during my annual leave, she couldn’t contain her happiness at my intentions.  

Agatha, what do I do? I plan to wed her at the end of this year because I love this girl or do I take to what her aunty said? 

Okojie.


Dear Okojie, 

Your decision would be based on your knowledge of this woman’s character. From your own observations, you noticed your girlfriend doesn’t appear to have a pleasant relationship with the aunty.

Have you tried to find out what the issues are between them? If she stayed with this woman as far back as her secondary school days, it is a relationship you must be careful to balance with delicate consciousness. The reason being, this woman, irrespective of the nature of their relationship now, will always be a force in your girlfriend’s life. 

Whether for good or for bad, she has some level of influence on how things work for her. So to protect your girlfriend, if this woman’s motive is bad is to hear from her first before investigating the authenticity of her story. 

This is because when there is a dispute between two persons, each would always try to claim to be the just party. As long as the aunty didn’t employ diabolical means to destroy her, your girlfriend should for the sake of the uncertainty of tomorrow go and make peace with her.

This is necessary because she occupies a sensitive position in her life, a position she can use in destroying her, just like she trying to do with you. 

If you weren’t in love with her and reasonable, this aunty of hers would have succeeded in destroying her completely since not many men have the patience to do what you are doing, asking for advise. 

Whether she likes it or not, the simple fact that she grew up with this woman makes her a good point of reference to her character. A lot of people would not bother with a third opinion of who she is once this woman has given her opinion of her. After all, nobody can know the quality of a skin more than the clothes covering it.

There are two tribes of people in the world, the good and bad. We all have natives of these two tribes in our families. There is no avoiding them especially if they are members of one’s family. Learning how to live with the bad ones is one of the greatest lessons of wisdom in the world. 

This woman is too close for her to avoid, therefore insist on accompany her to visit her and plead for forgiveness even if your girlfriend feels blameless.

In the interest of the peace you are trying to negotiate, don’t tell her anything about what the woman said of her; sincerely, there is a need for you to investigate that too.

This has nothing to do with lack of trust in her, but because a seed of doubt has been sowed in your mind, for the sake of the future both of you are trying to build as well as to provide you with additional evidences concerning the true nature of her aunty, offer to accompany her to her church on one of the Sundays.

Also encourage her through your own story to talk about her past. By talking about your past relationships, you unwittingly give her the much needed boost to talk about her own too. The essence of this is to build trust and confidence into the relationship.

Going to her church is to help you have a better perspective into her persons. When an issue like this comes up, it is always best to depend on what you know because a lot of things might have been told out of mischief. If indeed she has a boyfriend, going to her church, would reveal that fact. 

Marriage is more than a wedding ceremony. It takes planning, prayers, dedication, passion, patience, tolerance, caring and understanding. You must make out time for both of you to get to know each other well. Granted, you have known her since her secondary school days, but some things might have changed at some point that you don’t know. 

It is always best for intending couple to make out time to study each other sufficiently to know what they are going into. It helps to make the initial years of two strangers coming together to build a home, more tolerable. 

Above all, both of you should learn to pray and commit your marriage plans to the hands of God, being the only one who can unravel and do the impossible.

Good luck. 

Just Before Valentine

Dear Readers,

The second edition of Just Before Valentine with Auntie Agatha, would come up on February 13, by 4p.m. in the auditorium of the Leadership Centre, 30A Coker Road. Ilupeju, Lagos, having Dr. Chris Williams as Guest Speaker.

An initiative of Daily Independent Newspapers; this year’s edition is supported by Singles Mingle and ACE Nigeria. 

Too Hard For Him To Stay Sex-free…

Dear Agatha
I’m a lady of 22 years of age, dating a guy who is always demanding for sex whenever I visit him. I’m a virgin and not ready to sleep with him. But he requested I give him permission to look for another girl that will only satisfy his sexual urge, a request I have obliged him because I love him so much. 

Agatha, I need your help, because I don’t want to fall into wrong hands.
Funke.


Dear Agatha, 

Sincerely, this isn’t the kind of man you need in your life. What if you were both married and unable to have sex with him for sometime due to medical reasons, would he demand you grant him permission to sleep around? 

You must really love him to have agreed to such odd proposal, but the truth is, this man is only asking for open permission to do what he has been doing behind you. If he were the one unwilling to have sex with you for the same reasons you are giving, would he give you permission to sleep with another man until he is ready? 

Love comes with responsibilities and plenty of sacrifices. If he is unable to make the sacrifices for you now, when will he do it? Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by him. Whether you give him permission to sleep with another girl or not, it doesn’t insure your relationship with him. A man or woman determined to play around, break the partner’s heart will do what he or she wants to do irrespective of the quality of understanding and efforts the other person is putting into the relationship.

What you should ask yourself is the quantity of sex that will ever be enough to keep a man like him faithful? Is the permission you are giving him just allows him to sleep with a particular girl or with several? What would be the status of that other girl in his life, his bedmate or standby girlfriend? What if in the process of sleeping with her, he falls in love, what would be yours gain? Have you also thought about the health implications? How many times is he expected to go to this lady for sex? What if he desires it when you want his company or she for that matter? Unless he wants to sleep with a commercial sex worker, some sorts of feelings and pre-sex agreement must be involved before getting to the real thing.  There are so many things you must consider before agreeing to something that is bound to end in pains for you. 

No one can explain the sexual chemistry or potency of it between a particular man and woman. Once the chemistry is right, reasons are often thrown into the winds. For now, it may appear a neat package, a way out of all the sexual pressures he is putting on you, but the truth is that anything can happen a naked man and woman. Don’t forget while they are together, locked in the aged long dance of intimacy, new agreement can be brokered between the two, making invaluable whatever power you think you have over him.

He wants your virginity at the same time the freedom to sow his wild oats where he pleases. Choices have to be made here. You, have to make up your mind on what is most important to you, if your virginity is what you want most, then look for a man who agrees with you in its totality because frankly, without the right man by your side, supporting you to keep your most prized gift as a woman, you will end up capitulating to fear of losing the man you think you love rather than to the reason of your own mind. In a way, you are the problem in this relationship because you simply told him what you desired, without bothering to discuss and negotiate the terms of your coming together properly. You should have factored his feelings into it. No one-sided relationship has ever been known to survive. Just as you expect him to understand your reason, you should also understand his and work out a way of maintaining a fair balance. 

If he has been sexually active, it may not be that easy for him to abstain from like it is for you who hasn’t tasted the pleasure of the flesh. To therefore get him to support you, it must come from deep within him because that is the only way he would have the determination and strength to fight off the desires that will come from time to time to taunt him. 

Rather than encourage him to sleep with another woman, you should find ways to make him see things from your angle, especially if it is premised on religious and health grounds.  More often than not, when a man is presented with superior argument by a woman he buys it. As a woman, you should be able to convince this man on the need for him to imbibe the good you see in your actions. By teaching him to focus less on sex and invest his time in other areas of a relationship, you are helping to lay the right foundation for his marital happiness. Go to God in prayers to help out in making the right decision.

Good luck. 


Just Before Valentine
Dear Readers,

The second edition of Just Before Valentine with Auntie Agatha, would come up on February 13, by 4p.m. in the auditorium of the Leadership Centre, 30A Coker Road. Ilupeju, Lagos, having Dr. Chris Williams as Guest Speaker.

An initiative of Daily Independent Newspapers; this year’s edition is supported by Singles Mingle and ACE Nigeria.