My Dream Girl Off With Another Guy…Any True Love?

Dear Agatha,

I am writing this in serious pains because the girl I prayed about and convinced as being the right woman for me has opted for another guy.

I am really confused by all these and wondered if true love really exists. I love this girl to my marrows and those around me can testify to my love for her.

I am above 25 years of age, just finished from the university and awaiting my National Youth Service Corps posting.

Agatha, help me because I can’t think straight and cannot handle this situation on my own.

James V.

 

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Dear James V,

Isn’t obvious from what has happened that she can’t be the right woman for you and that you must have misinterpreted the content of the answers to your prayers?

Often, when we pray with a motive which we are determined to have, we tend to deafen our ears to the right answers. At that point rather than accept what the Holy Spirit is transmitting, we begin to impute logic and reason as to why the answers must go our way.

One thing is to desire something; another thing is for one’s desires to have the blessings and support of God. Often times, His wills and ways don’t agree with what we want because He has the authority and powers to see thousand light years far more than we would ever be. Being our creator, He knows everything about us than we do. He knows what is always best for us and those He has assigned the task of helping us to achieve those things He has planned for us.

On our own authority we are nothing but a heap of sand and raw clay. From nothing He made us what and who we are. So I am sure if you had listened to the right words from the Holy Spirit, accepted His leading, you won’t be experiencing this emotional pains and aches.

The solution is for you to go back to your source and helper of all ages. That woman you think is perfect may at the end of the day become your doom which is why He helped eased her out of your life the way He did when you refused to listen to Him.

Frankly, count yourself lucky because many men who made the same mistake you were about to make are today wishing they could turn back the hands of the clock. Unlike you, God allowed them to go ahead with their mistakes only for them to realise what costly choice they have made moments after they sign the dotted lines.

Even though you ignored His instructions for you, He had to find another way of enforcing His right choice for you because from the beginning you called on Him. His words are more precious to Him than His name.

Rather than cry over what was never meant to be, celebrate the essence of God in your life and affairs. To appreciate what He has done, do a little bit of investigations within the marriages you know and you would be surprised at how the wrong choice of a partner can completely derail a person for life.

Marriage doesn’t strive only on sentiments but on hard facts about life itself because it encompasses the body, spirit and soul. No institution in life has that power to touch and influence the three essences of man. When one gets married to the right or wrong person; so many things change in that person’s life forever. If the partner is the right one, the soul and spirit are positively enhanced for success as well as for supernatural breakthroughs but if the choice is a wrong one, the damage to one’s soul, spirit as well the physical appearance is permanent.

A lot of couples having affairs outside their homes didn’t intend to but wrong choices of partners forced them into the hands of others in quest of happiness which have eluded them in their marriages. Is that what you want later in life and in your marriage? When the heart seeks emotional happiness it can do anything to achieve it. In your interest, allow the will of God to prevail because it is the only way you can be happy.

Rather than dwell on what would have been, go back to God in prayers, this time, listen patiently to what He is telling you as well as take the instructions on how to go about it. What you entrust into His hands never go bad because He is never too early, too late but always on time to meet our every needs.

When the time comes for you to meet your ideal woman, He would tell you but you have to know what you want from life as well as in a woman to avoid making another mistake.

Good luck. 

She Loves Me But Her Ex Won’t Let Go

Dear Agatha,

I am a 19 year old SSS III student in love with an 18 year old 200 Level undergraduate. She is also in love with me but her first boyfriend won’t let go of her.

I am confused as well as scared. I don’t want her for any sexual relationship because of the fear of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) as well as HIV/AIDS. But I love her so much. I don’t know how to handle my love for her as well as the threat of her first boyfriend.

Ebideke. 

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Dear Ebideke,

In the first instance your educational differences makes your relationship grossly imbalanced. If you are still in your final year in secondary while she is already in her 200 level, to be frank, there is no way this relationship would work because the indices don’t favour you at all.

For instance by the time you are struggling to pass your most basic examination in life, she would be preparing to go into her third year at the university and if things work out for you, you will be in your first year while she is in her final year.

And by the time she is ready to settle down, you would still be struggling to pass your examinations at the university which means you will not be in a position to marry for a long time.

So you see there is no way, if the pressures on her are mounting she would not consider another man. If you were the one in her current position, the situation would have been more acceptable and the likelihood of both of you staying together more realistic but as things are now, your chances with her are very slim.

Sincerely the inevitable would still happen if her first boyfriend is in a better position to fulfill her dreams as time goes on. So many indices go into the making of a perfect relationship. Beyond the feelings some criteria make for a successful relationship. Those indices clearly don’t favour you because you are not even sure of making all your papers at a go or getting admission into the university at your first trial.

While not totally dismissing the remote possibility of both of you pulling this through; it is almost impossible because even if she desires it, age, situation, reality, family pressures as well as peer influences are monstrous challenges ahead of both of you.

Besides, what gives you the impression that she is in love with you? Did she say that or you assume it based on her friendly disposition?

At any rate, what is important now is for you to concentrate more on reading to pass your examinations excellently well. This, to me, is the major challenge and task before you, not whether this woman is in love with you or not, or the fact that her first boyfriend is stopping a romance from happening between the two of you.

Even if she wants to risk the challenge of going ahead with you, she needs extra assurances that you would one day make the life she seems to be poised for. If you fail to pass your most important examination in life, not only does your chance with her die but so also with your dreams with quality women because being the man, you must be in a position to adequately provide for your family even if the woman would offer her support.

There is nothing as gratifying for a man to begin from an early age to prepare for the future. The future you hope for can only happen if you know how to prioritise the important things now. As it is now what can you offer her in terms of hope? How would you feel in the company of her friends who like her are undergraduates? What would be the meeting point when they are discussing about life in the university and you are still discussing how to pass your Senior Secondary School examinations? What would you be talking about when they are discussing writing their projects and you are struggling to write your Joint Admission and Matriculations examinations? How would you feel when she is off for her NYSC programme and you are still talking about registration into the school and your department? Honestly, this is a very tall order for you.

This has nothing to do with pride or arrogance but naked reality. She would continue to entertain her first boyfriend because you offer no better alternative after all.

Having this girl in your life now isn’t as important as setting for yourself through sound education the right foundation to excel in life. Believe me, by the time you are up there, you won’t lack the attention of women even when you don’t want.

In précis, stop worrying about her and this relationship and concentrate on passing your examinations. It is most important that this clearly imbalanced relationship you have gotten yourself entangled in, the girl and her ex-boyfriend should not be your concern for now. Your future first!

Good luck.