Dear Agatha,
God continue to bless you for using you to solve so many people’s problems.
I am a girl of 23 years of age, and still a virgin. Without sounding immodest, I have good character as well as qualities in me. This is evident in the number of men who daily want my hand in marriage. I have consistently turned down their requests, because I don't love any of them. You can imagine a man in his 40's and some that are not financially grounded coming to ask for my hand in marriage.
I am looking out for a man who is compatible with me and knows what I want. Fortunately these men were all directed by people whom though I don't know but spoke highly of me. Some of these people have always desired to be friends with me.
What is bothering me now is this particular guy who insists on marrying me, but I am not interested in him. One of the things I have against him is his immaturity. He takes too much for granted.
After turning down his numerous requests to take me out on a date, I finally agreed, unaware of his plans to force me into sleeping with him.
When we got there, I discovered it was a hotel. While in the room, he tried to force me into sleeping with him. When I refused, he threatened that if I don’t agree to marry him, he would get me pregnant.
Since that incident, I have been avoiding him. I want to know if I am still on the right path with God by refusing to greet him.
Oluchi
Dear Oluchi,
Something tells me you are being stingy with the truth. Besides, so many things don’t fall into place in your story, which makes me wonder at the purpose of your letter.
In the first place, at 23, you are not naïve to know that when a man and woman go into the bedroom alone anything can happen, including rape. When a man takes a woman to the hotel, pays for a room, what do you think he has in mind? A tea party? Are you saying you didn’t know anything when you allowed him to walk you into a hotel and go into a room with him?
Frankly, if he had raped you, nobody would have believed your story, because you would have had a hard time convincing anybody that of your own freewill you went into a hotel room with a man, sat on the same bed with him without you suspecting his motive.
At the point you both entered into the hotel, why didn’t you insist on going back to your house? Why did you follow a man whom you are not interest in having anything to do with into a hotel room? I think you should learn to be very truthful with yourself to avoid the greater calamity of being deceived. The worst kind of tragedy that can befall a woman in particular is that of her self-deception. Be bold enough to admit your own faults to yourself instead of trying to pretend to be who you are not.
A young girl grounded in the ways of God would never in the first place accompany any man into a hotel room. Immediately, she discovers the man is taking her into a hotel, she would insist on being taking back because such a place is not where a young lady should be seen. After all, there are so many eateries where a man can entertain his date.
That you went into the place with him without protest shows your claim to be righteous is suspicious. Righteousness is not what we claim to be, but what we project ourselves to be. It is not an after thought, but something we do effortlessly as well as everyday. Righteousness is like the air we breathe or the food we eat. It comes naturally. What you should ask yourself is where you are right in giving him, the green light only to protect at the last moment? A food that is forbidden should not be toyed with in the first place. You knew you weren’t interested in him, but elected to go into a hotel room with him. What impression did you think he got from that action?
Rather than keep malice with him for something you called upon yourself, you should apologise to him for leading him on. He must be a decent man to have allowed you go without forcing his wishes on you. Not all men can be counted on to do such a gentlemanly thing in a hotel room where no one would condemn him for taking the liberty of what you offer. Learning to say sorry and asking for forgiveness is what endears us to God.
As a young girl just starting out in life, it would do you a lot of good to be very honest about your values, so you don’t end up with nothing at the end of the day. Nobody would blame you if along the line you have made one or two mistakes. It is part of everyday living, but to claim to be who you are not is what irritates as well as attracts condemnation.
Another thing you should avoid is immodesty. Allow people to blow your trumpet, because pride goes before fall.
Good luck.
God continue to bless you for using you to solve so many people’s problems.
I am a girl of 23 years of age, and still a virgin. Without sounding immodest, I have good character as well as qualities in me. This is evident in the number of men who daily want my hand in marriage. I have consistently turned down their requests, because I don't love any of them. You can imagine a man in his 40's and some that are not financially grounded coming to ask for my hand in marriage.
I am looking out for a man who is compatible with me and knows what I want. Fortunately these men were all directed by people whom though I don't know but spoke highly of me. Some of these people have always desired to be friends with me.
What is bothering me now is this particular guy who insists on marrying me, but I am not interested in him. One of the things I have against him is his immaturity. He takes too much for granted.
After turning down his numerous requests to take me out on a date, I finally agreed, unaware of his plans to force me into sleeping with him.
When we got there, I discovered it was a hotel. While in the room, he tried to force me into sleeping with him. When I refused, he threatened that if I don’t agree to marry him, he would get me pregnant.
Since that incident, I have been avoiding him. I want to know if I am still on the right path with God by refusing to greet him.
Oluchi
Dear Oluchi,
Something tells me you are being stingy with the truth. Besides, so many things don’t fall into place in your story, which makes me wonder at the purpose of your letter.
In the first place, at 23, you are not naïve to know that when a man and woman go into the bedroom alone anything can happen, including rape. When a man takes a woman to the hotel, pays for a room, what do you think he has in mind? A tea party? Are you saying you didn’t know anything when you allowed him to walk you into a hotel and go into a room with him?
Frankly, if he had raped you, nobody would have believed your story, because you would have had a hard time convincing anybody that of your own freewill you went into a hotel room with a man, sat on the same bed with him without you suspecting his motive.
At the point you both entered into the hotel, why didn’t you insist on going back to your house? Why did you follow a man whom you are not interest in having anything to do with into a hotel room? I think you should learn to be very truthful with yourself to avoid the greater calamity of being deceived. The worst kind of tragedy that can befall a woman in particular is that of her self-deception. Be bold enough to admit your own faults to yourself instead of trying to pretend to be who you are not.
A young girl grounded in the ways of God would never in the first place accompany any man into a hotel room. Immediately, she discovers the man is taking her into a hotel, she would insist on being taking back because such a place is not where a young lady should be seen. After all, there are so many eateries where a man can entertain his date.
That you went into the place with him without protest shows your claim to be righteous is suspicious. Righteousness is not what we claim to be, but what we project ourselves to be. It is not an after thought, but something we do effortlessly as well as everyday. Righteousness is like the air we breathe or the food we eat. It comes naturally. What you should ask yourself is where you are right in giving him, the green light only to protect at the last moment? A food that is forbidden should not be toyed with in the first place. You knew you weren’t interested in him, but elected to go into a hotel room with him. What impression did you think he got from that action?
Rather than keep malice with him for something you called upon yourself, you should apologise to him for leading him on. He must be a decent man to have allowed you go without forcing his wishes on you. Not all men can be counted on to do such a gentlemanly thing in a hotel room where no one would condemn him for taking the liberty of what you offer. Learning to say sorry and asking for forgiveness is what endears us to God.
As a young girl just starting out in life, it would do you a lot of good to be very honest about your values, so you don’t end up with nothing at the end of the day. Nobody would blame you if along the line you have made one or two mistakes. It is part of everyday living, but to claim to be who you are not is what irritates as well as attracts condemnation.
Another thing you should avoid is immodesty. Allow people to blow your trumpet, because pride goes before fall.
Good luck.
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