Dying to know I still have his love…

with Auntie Agatha; email: gataedo@yahoo.com; agatha.edo@gamil.com; 08054500626

Dear Agatha,
My boyfriend works as a flight attendant in one of the airlines and anytime he goes on international flight, he doesn’t deem it fit to either call or send me a text or e-mails.

His last trip was for a month. He didn’t call me, even if it was once. Agatha I am freaking out, feeling insecure and I keep thinking he has dumped me. He has been gone since December 26, no calls or messages. I can’t reach him because he isn’t mobile.
I have tried all I can to re-establish contact, but he never replies any of my messages. The only one he replied was the one concerning his marriage to his ex-girlfriend. He replied to deny the speculations, assuring me he would never do such a thing to me.

Agatha, I have this strong feeling that he has dumped me and moved on. I tried to get back at him by sleeping with another man, but this hasn’t helped my situation. Each time I sleep with this other guy, I end up crying. I always loathe myself for doing it.

Help me Agatha. I want to know if he still loves me or not and if he is tired of the relationship. Your answer would help me come to the understanding of how to handle the break up when it eventually happens
I love him, but I am tired of waiting for him. I just need him to reply me and tell me everything thing is okay but this appears very impossible.
I don’t know what to do.
Please advise me!
Sylvia.

Dear Sylvia,

I don’t have a crystal ball to know if this boyfriend of yours is tired of you or otherwise. All I know is that there is still so much for both of you to know about life and each other.

Although you didn’t state for how long you have been dating, it is obvious you don’t know much about each other. You don’t understand his person, job, temperament, and attitude towards life or his person for that matter.

He also doesn’t appear to know what would keep you happy.

Furthermore, you also don’t know what you really want from life. If you did, you won’t be sleeping with another man at all, and crying each time you give him your body. The excuse that you are trying to get back at your boyfriend doesn’t hold water. In the first place, he isn’t even aware that you are cheating on him so he can’t get hurt that you are giving yourself cheaply to another man.

It is either you are giving your body to this man because you have feelings for him or you stop deceiving yourself and face the challenge of sorting things out with your boyfriend.

Secondly, you are the one whose body is being ravaged by another man. You are the one who would get hurt in the end, whose body is being used by this other man to satisfy his sexual urge. He has no liabilities whatsoever whereas you have more liabilities to carry as a woman.

Already you are a statistic in the number of women he has slept with, you are the one who would have to bear the burden of all the other women who may have infected him with a disease or spiritual problem. There is also the likelihood of you becoming pregnant without meaning to. And should your boyfriend come back today, what would you do about this guy? Do you think it would be so easy for you to get rid of him as you do a useless piece of paper?

Don’t forget he has emotions and may not be willing to let you go as fast as you want to?

What if he decides to make trouble for you with this other man? Believe me, at the end of the day, you would be counting more losses than gains if you don’t sit down and evaluate what precisely you want from life.

What if this man is more interested in you than your body? How do you think he would feel if he finds out that you have only been using him to satisfy your sexual desires?

Before you can blame your boyfriend for abandoning you, it is important you answer this question. What is the agreement between the two of you at the inception of the relationship? Many a time we mistake causal relationships for something more serious.

If there were no prior agreement between the two of you that this relationship is meant to last forever, it would be pointless waiting indefinitely for him. Besides, you must first ascertain through his e-mail addresses what is the problem really is with him. If he is a flight attendant, there is no way unless he is on transfer that he would be away for over three months on a routine flight engagement. Have you tried to ask him what he is doing in his present location for this long? Is he all right or having problems of some sort? You may not have his mobile line but you have his e-mail contacts. If he can reply your e-mail once he can also reply another one as long as the subject is one of concern and not nagging him on why he abandoned you.

If you love him as much as you say, whatever may be the nature of your relationship, learn to concentrate more on his well-being rather than the seemingly issue of his abandonment.

Send him a mail, which shows concern for his person and health. You can only be angry with someone who is healthy or has no complication whatsoever.

Once you are sure he is okay and is simply ignoring your mails, don’t wait for him to make the decision for you. Why not fast track it by telling him of your decision to find something else to do with your life instead of wasting it while waiting for a man who appears not to like you at all.

He is bound to react to this message if you mean anything to him. If he still ignores you, please move ahead with your life. Consider what you feel for this other guy you are sleeping with. Unless you are the kind of woman who doesn’t care who she sleeps with as long as she gets what she wants, this man must have some thing special for you to have agreed to be giving him your body. The thing is you may not realise what it is because of your feelings, which are still fixed on the other man.

But if you take the time out, you would see some special features you have never bothered with before.

If you think he is your kind of man, has a semblance of what you are looking for in a man, do give yourself a chance to get to know him. You don’t know what the future holds for you.

Allow yourself to be his friend. Get to know him beyond his body. Be interested in his mind, act, ambition, dreams and disposition. You may come to find him a better and more compassionate partner than your flight attendant boyfriend.

Just give yourself the chance to be happy.


Good luck.