Dear Agatha.
I thank you for your effort concerning both the old and young in this country and the great job you are doing for the society.
Agatha, I have a big problem and I don’t know what to do. My mother was never married to my father. They met in school and had me. When I was 16, I got pregnant for this guy. I had two children by him. During my second pregnancy, he impregnated another lady.
As a result, we now live apart. The most painful thing is he took my one-year old son to his father in his village in Anang, Ikot Ekpene. Because I was still breastfeeding the baby at the time he took it away, the baby refused to eat and it became sick. The baby eventually died in their village. I wasn’t told. I only learned about it through my cousin when I travelled to my hometown.
Agatha, at just 18, my life seems to have stopped. Even though one of my children is dead, I am a mother two times over.
I don’t know what to do. I seem to be toeing my mother’s footsteps, but the difference between my mother and I is that she has my brother and I as compensation.
Agatha, what is happening to us?
Princess.
Dear Princess,
Your mother is the cause of all that is happening to you. Having gone through the experience of single motherhood, she should have done everything humanly possible to prevent her own daughter from doing the same. She should have protected you from the same situations and vices that made her have you and your brother outside wedlock and at the age she did.
She certainly failed in her duties towards you. Being a girl, she should have sat you down when she noticed the changes in your body to tell you about the danger of going all the way with a man. At 16, when you became pregnant with your first child, you had no business sleeping with men.
Even if the first pregnancy was a mistake, she should have ensured the second one didn’t happen by giving you all the love, care and attention you needed to bounce back from the first mistake. Had she offered to take the child, encouraged you to go back to school or whatever it was that you were doing before you got pregnant, this unpleasant situation in your life could have been avoided.
However it is never too late to pick up the shattered pieces of your life if you so wish. We all make mistakes in life but the difference between success and failure is our ability to transform the mistake into strength. There is no greater teacher or drive than experience.
From the ashes of your nasty and unpleasant experiences, you now have the drive you never had to make something meaningful out of this life. Even if life seems a bit of a mess now, the experience must have left you more determined to avoid the mistakes of your mother and the ones you made. You now know how to protect a daughter from falling from grace to grass if you are sensible and a good student of history.
From your mistakes, you now know when to demonstrate love, care and attention to your child. You now know it is the duty of mothers to set standards for their children especially their daughters. That no matter the difficult situation a mother finds herself, it is incumbent on a woman to set the standards for her daughters and to always protect their ways with prayers.
Since you have realised that something is wrong with the way your mother brought you up and that you are suffering this problem because of her mistakes, seek the face of God immediately to break the curse your mother has invited into your family. Ask God to direct you to a powerful deliverance minister of God who would help you stop it from being a foundational problem among your daughters.
Losing a child is one of the worst experiences a woman can go through. It is painful and agonising but there is nothing you can do to bring back that child. What has happened has, you can’t change that. From now, be determined to give your surviving child the best. Go and get a job to support yourself and the child. Ensure the child is
protected from all the negative exposures you experienced. Instill in the child the ways of the Lord and make the Bible his or her best book.
The danger of allowing this situation overwhelm you is, you may never be able to rise again. So be strong for yourself and your surviving child. Trust God not to allow what befell you happen again in your lineage.
If there is a way you can help your mother realise her mistake, don’t hesitate. And please don’t hold any grudge against her. You just have to find it within you to forgive her and put the all the mistakes of the past behind you if you really want to be rid of these problems. You don’t walk with God with bitterness in your heart and life.
Always remember that you went though what happened for a reason. God never allows things happen to use without His own reason. Lean and learn from Him always.
Good luck.
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