Dear Agatha,
There is this man of God I am dating, who before we started expressed his desire to marry me. Recently, I went to his house and found another lady with him. Shocked, I demanded for explanations and knowledge of the number of women in his life.
As if what he did isn’t enough, he told me there were several other women in his life. I was taken aback by this and felt very hurt at his attitude, because I happened to love him with all my heart.
Not up to a week after the bombshell, he called to say he wasn’t interested in marrying me anymore, and that we should limit our relationship to mere friendship.
Agatha, the thing is that I want him in my life. I love him too much to let go. What can I do to have him back?
Dora.
Dear Dora,
There is nothing you can do to keep a man who isn’t interested in having you in his life. You may love him but it is apparent he doesn’t feel the same way about you.
A man in love with his woman will not openly advertise the existence of another woman in his life let alone allowing another one near his house.
Besides, this is one man you cannot trust with your life if you really want peace in life. If, as a man of God, he engages in multiple relationships, what assurances do you have that if you marry him, he would treat you well and stay faithful to his vows?
If as a man of God, he is unable to stay faithful to the things of God, manifest the essence of God in his life, there is no way he can ever give you the respect you deserve in his life.
Rather than bemoan the death of this relationship, you should thank God for showing you the nature of the man you planned to marry. Much as you love him and want to be his wife, given the kind of man he is, there is no way you would ever be happy with him for a husband. As a matter of fact, you should be happy you discovered the kind of man he is before going into it else you would have been forced by both religious and societal sentiments to endure a marriage that you are not happy with. Being a man of God, nobody would consider your happiness as much as the consideration the society would expect you to give to the success of his ministry.
If you insist on leaving, you would be labelled a bad woman who wants to destroy the ministry of her husband. This is why you should not attempt to do anything that would force this relationship to continue.
For a man to make a woman happy, he must have regards for her person and feelings. Letting you meet another woman in his house and telling you to your face that there are still other women, portrays him as a man who doesn’t care about your feelings at all, as well as one who is selfish and irresponsible.
Deep down, is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Who would always put his interest far and above yours?
Don’t sound desperate or frustrated that you must have a man who has clearly shown that he is not good enough for you as a husband. You may think you love him now, but a time would come when your love alone cannot sustain the two of you. Overtime what you think you feel for him will fade and be replaced with hatred for the way he is treating you.
Besides, he has told you to go, making it very clear that you are the least among important persons to him. Go with the remaining dignity you have. If this man is yours, he would definitely come back to beg you to come back into his life.
The important thing now is for you to reconcile with God by allowing Him supremacy over your life. The fact that he is a man of God should warn you against taking people on face value.
When you go into another relationship, care should be taken by you to look at the more fundamental things about him. For instance who is he is most important than what he is. Anybody can claim to be anything, including being an angel but what should matter most to you is who he really is.
It is whom a person is that makes the difference in life. It is the ‘who’ you get to live with not the what. Therefore, be on the look out for the important things that would make you life a whole new meaning from what you are used to. Relationships are meant to bring out the best in us and not take us through the worst of life.
Asking God for help as well as a willingness to be completely trusting in Him and His ways would help you a great deal in moving you forward from the position you seem very adamant to give up.
Good luck.
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