At 28, I Have No Girl In My Life

Dear Agatha,

May the Almighty God continue to bless you for the good work you are doing. I am 28 year old and don’t even have a girlfriend. I have tried, but all in vain.

Uchenna.

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Dear Uchenna,

It takes courage and confidence to approach a woman. Just learn to be sure of what you want in your woman and look for a woman who has some of the features.

To get it right, look beyond the physical appearances to the inner qualities in a woman. Many a time, people concentrate more on what the person looks like than who the person really is. There are some people with beautiful features on the outside, but have ugly interiors. When it comes to conducting a successful relationship, it is whom we are on the inside that makes the whole lot of difference.

Another mistake you must never make is to tell a woman you are meeting for the first time that you love her. It is a great put off. Begin by offering to be her friend, nothing complicated or demanding. Give time the chance to berth it right.

A woman is more relaxed and accommodating when a man offers her friendship first. This way, she is able to be herself, enjoy the companionship as well as express herself without reservation. This way, a man gets the rare opportunity of observing her at close quarters and making up his mind.

There are a lot of issues to be discussed other than romance when a man and woman get together to be friends.

Also learn to be your natural self. It is important.

Good luck.

He Can’t Honour His Words On Premarital Sex

Dear Agatha,

I am 22 years of age and have been in this relationship for three years with a guy that introduced me to the Bible and taught me everything I know today about the ways of God.

When we started, he was very clear on his stance on premarital sex. Then he told me why we shouldn’t engage in it and how sex doesn’t demonstrate love.

But all these seem to have changed, as he is now demanding for sex. It all started this year. When the demand became too much, I allowed him to have a preview of my body, but didn’t allow him to sleep with me. I have tried unsuccessfully to convince him of the need to maintain the status quo, but he insists it is the only way I can show him I love him.

Agatha, I love him so much and would not want to lose him, but how can I stop him from making these sexual demands?

Angel.

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Dear Angel,

Stand your ground because this man isn’t real and is inconsistent. A man who preaches one thing this minute and does another thing the next cannot be trusted.
From the pressure he is now putting on you to have sex, it is obvious his intentions for you were never honourable, but done to gain your trust and understanding to enable him gain access into your heart.

With the unfolding drama playing itself out now, there is the need for you to be careful to avoid making one of the most painful mistakes many women make at your age.

It is either he waits until your wedding night to have sex with you or allow you be. Don’t fall for his emotional blackmail, because there is no telling with this kind of man. If he finds it so easy to jettison his biblical teachings for the pleasure of his desire for your body, there is nothing to stop him from leaving you after you have capitulated your body to him. He would always have a reason to justify whatever action he takes.

If you decide to stay with him, you will need the wisdom and help of God to cope with him because he appears to be very calculative and with such a man or person, you have to be on constant alert to prevent being caught unawares.

For now, avoid being in a private place with him, because he could force you to heed to him if he runs out of patience of pleading with you. He would definitely apologise later, but the harm would have been done. So, in your own interest, be careful.

Exposing your body to him was the height of temptation, something you must never do again unless you have made up your mind about going all the way. Even if he intended it as a test of your will, you failed because at that point he could have done anything with you and he won’t be found guilty. Don’t ever allow yourself to be pushed into a situation you don’t want. A man determined to stay with a woman would do so whether she gives in to his sexual advances or not. It is called respect for her. If this man has any deep feelings for you, he would endure the inconveniences placed on him by his desires. It is called sacrifices for the sake of love. It isn’t as if couples that decide to wait until their wedding night don’t feel the heat generated by a man and woman being in constant company of each other, but have developed the discipline and respect for each other to endure the situation.

It is this discipline your boyfriend should have brought to play as he started out preaching the Bible to you.

However, it is important you make use of this opportunity to evaluate your relationship. From what is happening, can you really say you know him, can vouch for him at all times? Do you still have the confidence you had in him as when you first started out? How would you rate your three years with him especially in the light of his present behaviour?

Perhaps now is the right time to confront him on his true nature. Challenge him to tell you what he really feels about sex. Tell him that having stayed with him for three years, you have what it takes to handle the truth about him. It is important you know the truth about him because without you having the true image of him, there is no way this relationship can move beyond this point.

You must know the real person behind the mask. It is apparent that you have little or no inkling about him at all. During the talk let him also know what your views are on the issue of premarital sex as well as your determination to stick to your resolution.

The talk will definitely help both of you move the relationship forward by giving you fresh perspective into your relationship.

Being the nature of men, there is little or nothing you can do to stop him from asking for sex. You can only keep resisting him until he gets the message that you are serious about it.

As for losing him, if he isn’t yours in the first place, there is little or nothing you can do to keep him. Even if you sleep with him everyday, he will still go away. So, there is no reason for you to be afraid of a situation you have no control over. Only God can do it for you, hence you should learn to trust him more because this situation could be working in your advantage.

Good luck.

My Only Man Engages In Multi-girl Deals

Dear Agatha,

Please I need your urgent help. I have a boyfriend whose friend told me that another girl has just given birth to a baby girl for him. I also found out that asides this girl, there is another girl he is sponsoring in school, whom he hopes to marry.

My major problem is that he is the only boyfriend I have, because I don’t believe in dating two men at a time. Please what do I do?

Udochi.

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Dear Udochi,

If your information concerning this man is anything to go by, I dare say you are wasting your precious time with him. Already, there are two women in his life, one he is sponsoring in school and the other, the mother of his child.

You don’t have a place in his life unless of course you want to tag along in his already emotionally crowded schedule.

There is nothing stopping you from quitting this relationship and finding another man. So the excuse that you are staying, because he is the only man in your life isn’t tenable at all. You are either staying, because you are afraid of letting go or think you may be unable to attract another man.

If you don’t have the confidence in yourself to move ahead when the signals are pointing at the wrong direction, you risk opening yourself up for more pains and disappointments.

While you should do the right thing by confronting him with the information you have to avoid falling victim to malicious intentions, be prepared to quit if the information you have is true. This is because you don’t have this man at all. Hence, you have nothing to lose, but a lot to gain by counting your losses now and moving on to better things in life.

Even if you decide to brave his deceit, can you endure the quality of his feelings towards you? Do you think you have his loyalty, love and support?

Do you think you can endure the attendant problems of having to fight two other women, who have more claims to him for a love you don’t even know if he has for you or you for him?

Your reason for being with him isn’t because you love him, but because he is the only man in your life. This isn’t enough reason for you to tie yourself down. Only love can give you the strength to fight for the survival of a difficult relationship. Without it you will have nothing, but very painful testimonies to give.

I am also worried about your lack of a clear focus for yourself. It is the drive you need to move ahead in life, to have the stamina to take quick decisions over matters such as this.

Besides, your stepping aside would give him the freedom to face his problems without undue pressures from you. If at the end of the day, God ordained both of you to be together, he would come back. But for now, it is in your interest to step aside and give yourself the chance to be happy.

Good luck.