Dear Agatha,
Please I need your help. I am a girl of 21years of age and still a virgin. There is this guy I met last year, whom I told of my desire to keep my virginity till my wedding night.
He accepted on the condition that he would still play with me. I reluctantly accepted, but he went too far. Even though he didn’t break his promise I couldn’t take it. So I left him.
We met again this year and after sensing his sincerity I decided to go back to him. Now we’re having the same problem we had last year. I am afraid if we continue like this, he might lose control one day and go all the way. Honestly, I don’t consider myself a virgin, because deep down I feel like a hypocrite. I don’t want to indulge in any form of sexual activity until I am married.
My friends are of the opinion that such men are rare, that it would be difficult to find a man who would allow my stand. Please, I need your advice, because I am losing focus.
Worried Baby.
Dear Worried Baby,
When a resolve is made, it is dangerous to bend, no matter how slightly. To bend is to make nonsense of the reason given for such resolve in the first place. And when it comes to the issue of no sex before marriage, it is always very honourable for the woman making the rules to be definite.
Telling him he can touch you gives him the blanket licence to misbehave. Sincerely, if he goes all the way, you cannot blame him for breaking your own resolve to remain a virgin until your wedding night.
Don’t forget he is a grown man, used to having sex and would react like every normal male who holds a woman in his arms in a secluded room. Men are by nature excited and stimulated by what they see and showing him the least sign of cooperation in the quietness of a room is enough incentive for him to forget whatever he told you before you walked into a room with him. What you are doing to him is too much of a temptation. Any woman who goes into the room with a man and says she doesn’t want him to go all the way is regarded as unserious and dishonest to herself. It is either you don’t allow him get too close to you or refuse to go with him without a chaperon into any lonely place.
Honestly you are tempting fate and he won’t be blamed if he loses self-will one day and does what you claim you don’t want him to do.
Therefore if serious about keeping that virginity of yours, don’t allow him touch your body at all, because you are also very capable of capitulating before you know what is happening to your body. It is a simple matter of him touching you in the right place and all self-control or promise you made to yourself would be forgotten in the heat and urgency of appeasing the huge ache inside of you. This is the reality of life.
No matter how much you want him in your life, you have to place what is important to you on the front burner. If your virginity is precious to you, then make it clear to him that he has the choice of either accepting your condition for him not to touch you at all or no game. When it comes to the issues of the heart, especially the knotty issue of sex, there are always no half measures or sentiments. It is either you want it or you don’t.
He has to key into what you want because it is your body and until the right man comes, you are your final gatekeeper. Therefore there are no compromise positions in matters like this. It is either he agrees whole-heartedly to the condition you are placing first or leaves you to wait patiently for the man who has value for your body.
Contrary to what your friends say, there are men who can actually have the self-control not to touch until their wedding night. It is a matter of these men knowing what they want from their women as well as the trust to want to wait. If this man is going to take you serious, you have to be bold enough to declare in implicit terms what you really want as well as what your real values are.
Your focus should remain on what you hope to achieve in life and marriage by your decision to remain a virgin until your wedding night. Once you have that implanted in your mind, it would be difficult for any man to get close to breaking you before your time is ripe. The thought of the look of appreciation and pride on your husband’s face on your wedding night should fuel your determination not to make the mistake of giving any man the chance to be too close for comfort.
Good luck.
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