Dear Agatha,
This life is full of mysteries. It is funny how we lavish time and emotions on someone who doesn’t even appreciate it; while countless others who would appreciate are ignored.
I am 28 years of age. I have four men in my life. Three of them would do anything to have me in their lives and when I mean I have, I am not referring to sexual relationship but intentions to marry me. I have spent couples of nights with each of the guys and none of them forced me to have sex when I turned down their advances for it. They displayed respect for my wish not to have sex.
The fourth guy is the one I love the most. I love him with a passion even I cannot understand. My love for him drives me nuts but the irony of it is that he appears not to feel the same way as I feel for him. Although he claims to love, he keeps pleading for time. I don’t know how long I would have to wait for him to be ready.
Unlike the other three guys, I have never visited the fourth guy in his house. This is because I don’t want to have sex with any man until my wedding night. I am not a virgin but I have had enough of sexual activities and wish to continue only with the man I end up marrying.
The issue now, how do I tell these other guys I don’t love them and that they should go? I don’t want to hurt them but at the same time, I don’t want to keep them waiting endlessly what would never be.
I have fabricated lots of lies about myself that should make them run as fast as their legs can carry them from me but they simply refused to let go of me.
I am sad because the guy I love appears not to appreciate how much I love him. Even though I am not good at running after men, I took my fate in my hands last month to declare my love for him.
Although I made up my mind not to continue to hurt myself after my declaration to him, it has been difficult to get him out of my system.
He calls me once in a while but that is as far as it goes.
I sort spiritual help in three different places and in all these places; I was told he is the man God has chosen for me.
Although I have since moved on with my life, I still can’t help wondering why it is so difficult for me to fall in love with any of these other guys. Why do I have to love somebody that doesn’t feel the way I feel? I am not only confused, but also sick of life.
Please help me.
Lola.
Dear Lola,
Life is really a funny game, a jigsaw of so many complications, intrigues as well as complexities. It is never a straight line, and more often than not, doesn’t even give a normal answer to a simple problem that requires a one-plus-one equals two kind of calculation.
Life requires absolute wisdom to function at full capacity. While I don’t support you dancing with all the four men, the truth remains that if you give yourself time to study any of the other three, you may come to realise that one of them might make you happier than the one who seems to be consuming your soul and life.
You are simply refusing to consider any of these men because of your burning passion for this other man. The danger of loving without reason is what makes the one who is doing all the loving reasons without thinking.
Yes, our chemistry is meant to work perfectly with certain people than others; this chemistry should make us incapable of thinking our options out carefully. These other guys must have something strong to have made you gone to their home to sleep on their beds with the confidence of coming out the next day without you being compromised.
This didn’t happen due to your refusal to have sex with them, you escaped because they have huge respect for your person. You are indeed one lucky lady to have three honourable men at your beck and call.
So don’t misuse the opportunity. This isn’t a matter for spiritualists to handle. As a matter of fact, you don’t have any business with them because they are not God and don’t know how He has patterned your life. If you were wise, you would depend solely on God because it is a matter best handled by God since He has the master plan in His hands.
You are unable to reason and clear your head of the emotional confusion because the number of men in your life is too much. There is no way you would not be confused if you have to divide your time and emotions among four men.
Which of them has your least requirement? Having dated all four; you must know those among them you don’t want to spend your life with. Once you know, remove them from your list to make your choice very easy.
The moment your mind is made up, don’t delay to tell them your decision because to keep them waiting, hoping for something you know would not happen, would hurt them more than you telling them the truth now.
Yes, they would be disappointed but at least it would free them to pursue their own dreams with another woman. What isn’t right is you moving on with your own life and keeping them waiting indefinitely all because you claim not to want to hurt them.
If your decision is to do away with all of them, be bold enough to face it. What matters at the end of the day is having a clear vision of what you want from life.
It all boils down to submitting to God and allowing Him to chart your path in life.
In times of massive confusion like this; don’t go anywhere or allow the vision of others make the decision for you. We all come with the ability and mercy to talk to God directly on issues affecting us. On your knees, ask God to point you at the man of his choice. Because He has all our hearts in His palms, if your fourth boyfriend is His choice, He would bring him to you, something nobody can ever do for you even if they are gifted the powers to see visions.
But to have Him help you, you have to make peace with God by forsaking all the things that would make His job difficult.
Don’t worry, with time, God would make right everything that is wrong.
Good luck.
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