Her commitment comes piecemeal…

Dear Agatha,

I really have to commend you for your invaluable pieces of advice to people.
I’m in deep love with an 18-year-old virgin who also speaks of her undying love for me.
We have not had or discussed sexual intercourse since we met nine months ago. We even don’t have any intention of exploring that side of our relationship until our wedding night as we plan to settle down.
But my biggest upset is her nonchalant attitude. She appears not to show concern for anything about me, but whenever I confront her she will feel bad and apologise.
The recent one that baffled me most was when she asked me to call her by midnight knowing full well I don’t make night calls yet I obliged her all the same.   I woke up at around 12:50 am to call her. It took her time to pick my call and when she finely did, we got talking and suddenly she slept off and I kept quiet on phone. 

A number called her while I was still on with her, she kept me on hold and out of annoyance I terminated my call. When I tried to call her back she was still on with the other caller and she refused to pick my call. About 10 to 15 minutes later, I called and was told the number wasn’t reachable. Since then I have refused to pick or call her.
So what could be her problem? Is that she still lacks the maturity needed to hold relationship or just pretending not to show too much commitment in this relationship?  Or do you think this could be her habit?
Please I need to know because I intend to settle down with this girl in no distance time.
Confused Guy.

Dear Confused Guy,

Although you didn’t give your age but if you want something permanent with this girl, you have to learn to be patient as well as tolerant of her age.

At 18, she is far from the kind of commitment you obviously demand of her. She is just emerging from her larva and getting set for the excitement of being young and beautiful as well as in demand.

You just have to learn to compete with other interests in her life; get used to other men calling her while you are on the line. She is currently like a trophy every man is interested in winning and keeping.

She is majorly still being controlled by her hormones and may not be able to explain reasons behind some of her actions.  Frankly, you have to first ask yourself this vital question. How much of this can you tolerate? How deep are your feelings for her? I ask these questions because your answers would go a long way in determining the future of this relationship.

At this stage, you are the one who would have to work the hardest to sustain this relationship; not because she may not truly like you in a very special way but is confused by the avalanche of male attractions and incentives some may offer her. To neutralize the opposition, you have to learn to play the game her way. From the incident you narrated, if you don’t call her in the night, another person would. Obviously the caller that dislodged you is a regular so know the time of the night to call. 

Try to find out when her sleep is very light in the night so that you both can talk if that would make her feel happy and give you a chance to feature in her life. You must appreciate the fact that it is a fad among the young to make night calls. They see it as an in-thing, something to brag about, a generation thing and anyone who isn’t into night calls as being old fashioned. You may not like it but humour her to demonstrate your willingness of meet her half way as well as the kind of sacrifices you putting at her disposal.

Also, try to understand the line of her communication. She may have slept off because your conversation was boring. If it was exciting, not matter how sleepy she was, she would immediately tune into what you are saying; so find out what excites her as a person and people her age generally.  You have to engage her interest in a topic she finds irresistible before closing the curtains on your own interest. This way, you would have ensured she is wide awake to hear what you have to say to her.  Accept one salient fact, you cannot stop her feeling the way she does; therefore the wise thing is to key into her way of life to keep her interest. This is the sacrifice any man wishing to date a teenager must be ready make.

You also have to learn to absorb a lot at this initial stage until you earn her trust. 

For now, she needs you more as a friend and not as a future partner you want to be to her. To push your agenda is to make her run as fast as her teenage legs can carry. Learn to be that special friend for now. She would eventually grow that maturity required to make a man happy but for now, she is still between being a child and a woman. Good luck.