Friday, July 10, 2009

She Dumped Me For My Boss… Now Back Begging


Dear Agatha,


I just want you to know that it shall always be well with you in Jesus name. Please just say amen to that.

The issue I am about to share with you has been on my mind for a while now. It started four years ago when I met my girlfriend. Then she was the best thing that happened to me. All my colleagues in the office loved her.

Things went on fine until last year, when her attitude began to change towards me. I discovered that she comes to my office even when she knows I won’t be in the office without telling me.

Severally, I have come back to the office to meet her on the laps of my boss.

When I queried her over the matter, she told me pointblank to quit if I can’t live with it. That it was her life and that she was at liberty to do what she wanted with it. Things got so bad between us that I decided to report the issue to her brother.

By the time the matter came into the open, she threatened me right in the presence of her brother that I would regret the move I made. She said my action would cost me my job. The next day, I lost my job. Five days after I lost my job, I was attacked in my house and received deep cut on my head as a result of the attack in addition to being beaten up seriously.

Not only did she succeed in turning my life into a mess but also unable to get decent employment. But God remained faithful in all these.

About three months ago, she got my new address and has signaled her interested to come back to me. Since that incident, it has been difficult for me to go into any relationship. I seem to have developed a phobia for women. I can’t walk up to a woman to express my feelings no matter what I feel for her.

I really want to settle down as soon as I get back on my feet in terms of finances. My former girlfriend has been putting so much pressure on me but I have told her she belongs to my past and that what happened came about for a reason.

Please, Agatha, I really need your help. Can you link me with any lady who wants to get married very soon? She must be a Christian and a born again. This is my number, 08076908285. Also I want to meet you in person, is that possible?

Paul.


Dear Paul,

Hiding behind the facade of a letter in the lonely heart column won’t solve the problem at hand. Before going into a new relationship, you must summon the needed courage to face the past squarely. How much did she hurt you? How much of your pride and trust as a man did she damage? Can you ever trust a woman again?

What about the hardship you have had to endure as a result of this? Do you think you can ever be able to forgive her for making you go through this period of lack?

These are issues a visit to your past would help resolve sufficiently. You must first give yourself the chance to heal from the disappointments and embarrassments you suffered from this episode to be able to move forward. Don’t forget it wasn’t just your ego as a man that was affected but the essence of your person. These are things you don’t forget in a hurry because they touch on the fundamental core of your existence as a person, particularly as a man. Don’t gloss over what happened to you to avoid you inflicting needless pains and aches on an innocent woman.

You must be absolutely sure you can trust again before falling in love. Granted it might not be so easy but if you refuse to let go of the memory of your past, the present and future may not be as enjoyable as you think.

To help you heal, there might be the need for you to give audience to your ex. When preparing for a next time, it is always better to arm yourself with all the information from the past to prevent making a similar mistake.

Despite having a wonderful relationship with her, there must have been something she didn’t like or you didn’t but were too interested in the relationship to do anything about.

For instance, you must know why she left you for the other man. In addition to his position of being your boss, what other thing motivated her to go into the relationship and why is she desirous of coming back into your life?

This is intended to help you understand her likes and women in general. It is also to help you view the past from a clearer perspective. When we know the mistakes we made in the past, it will help prevent greater tragedies in the future.

If there is anything this experience taught you, it is how to be a man. Life is a huge school. You must go through its different departments to be a complete person. Let her teach you through this dialogue the right signs to look out for when shopping for the right partner. By now, you must have realised that your assessments of her were entirely off the line. You need first to examine those things that are most important to you before approaching the next woman.

If you learn to look at the positive side of life, things will work better and brighter. Talking with her will make forgiveness easy as well as give you the freedom to move on with your life.

It is also not advisable for any man or woman to become desperate about marriage. Sincerely, being desperate about it makes it impossible for you to come up with the right choice of a partner. You risk the danger of making do with just any woman whether she has the right qualities to make you happy or not. This isn’t the time at all to make do with just anything because the choice you are about to make is the one who would stay with you forever. The one you plan to share everything and moment with. Simply because one woman disappointed you doesn’t mean you should sacrifice or compromise your happiness whatsoever.

Take your time to be friends with whosoever you meet. You are having problems approaching a woman because you have a one-point agenda to marry at all cost, whereas if you agree to be friends first the relationship will follow a natural pattern. Women get irritated when the first thing a man comes up at first meeting is declaration of love.

Importantly, learn to be more dependent on God for you to be able to make the right choice.

Good luck.