Does A Disdainful Lover Worth Dating?

Dear Agatha,
I am 19 years of age. I am currently having issues with my boyfriend who is in the habit of forcing me to sleep with him and looks down on me in the presence of his friends.
Do you think I should continue to date him or walk away?
Blessing.


Dear Blessing,
Frankly this is a needless question. If someone is forcing you to act against your will, treat you with disdain in the presence of his friends, you don’t need anybody to tell you to quit.
At 19, you are too young to allow anybody this kind of thing to happen to you. People don’t go into relationship just for the fun of it; we all go into relationships to be happy as well as have the support to actualise our own dreams. As a young girl who aspires for greater things in life, what would you say you have achieved in this relationship beyond the debasement of your person, dreams and ideas?
A man who is in love with the woman in his life wouldn’t force her into doing anything she doesn’t want to do. When a man forces a woman to have sex against her will, he is raping her. That he is known to you and your boyfriend doesn’t alter from the fact that he is inflicting a kind of psychological problem on. Don’t ever allow anybody give you less than what you deserve.
The danger of staying in this relationship is the risk of very low esteem of yourself and your inability to ever trust any man in your life. It is too much of a risk for any woman to take.
Don’t be afraid of how you are going to live without him; trust me you are better off without him. If you don’t leave him, the man destined to help you become a happy woman will not have the chance to come into your life. There is the possibility he is capitalising on an inherent fear he sees in you to further destroy you. whatever your fear or phobia is, do yourself a world of good by easing yourself out of this relationship as fast as you can before this guy destroys your self-esteem completely.
If he feels you are important to him, he would come back to you; this time on your own terms which would make the building of viable relationship between the two of you very possible. The truth is what you have now is a master-servant arrangement and not a relationship at all.
For now, it might be better for you to concentrate more on your studies instead of rushing into a relationship. Use the opportunity of you being in between a relationship to look inwards at yourself; it is obvious something isn’t exactly right somewhere. Ask yourself why you have consistently allowed this man treat you with disdain, intimidate and humiliate you as well as why you have put up with it.
Is it that you enjoy violent sex or the treatment he gives you? Were you at anytime in your life violated? Is he the first man in your life because women generally get too emotional about being the man who deflowered them?
Whatever the reasons are, it is important you realise that unless you purchase your respect, nobody would. Whatever dark secret your past may hold, bury them and move forward. We are all meant to go through some disappointments sometime or other in our life. These experiences are meant to sharpen us, give us a clearer and realistic approach to life generally.
The beauty of life is being able to pick up after a fall. You will find out that there is more to life than violent sex if you learn to concentrate more on finding out the good things God invested in you and how you can harness to His glory and general good of the society.
There is no way you can get to this point if you expose yourself, feelings and future to ill treatment. As it stands this guy has nothing to lose whereas, you have more than your present to lose. Gradually, his attitude would flow into your future making it almost impossible to enjoy normal intimacy with any man or have a trusting relationship.
The quality of relationship one is into determines the kind of life one would have. Without the succour, trust, friendship relationship offers, life can become meaningless or unexciting which makes it dangerous to entrust your life to someone who doesn’t value it at all.
In God’s time, you will find your own Adam provided you are kind on yourself by refusing to give the control of your life to this man and desire the best in life.
Good luck.

Lonely Heart

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