Dear Agatha,
This situation is a little bit tricky for me. My husband wants my 18-year-old daughter to marry the son of his business associate to cement a business deal.
According to my husband, the deal will change our lives forever and would afford my daughter the opportunity of travelling abroad since the man lives there.
The problem, the man in question is 40 years of age, has two wives here in
I have tried to persuade my husband against this arrangement but his mind is made up and he has vowed to deal with anybody who stands in his way. Not even his mother who tried to intervene on behalf of my daughter would he pay heed.
As part of the deal, his business partner has already given him a new jeep as well as a promise to transfer to him through my daughter one of his houses in Apapa.
Agatha, I am helpless because twice my daughter has tried to commit suicide but for the mercy of God. I have been warned in the church not to allow my daughter into the marriage because of the immense danger that awaits her.
His mother too gave my husband similar message but every warning has fallen on deaf ears.
Since meeting this man, my husband’s attitude has changed, so much so he doesn’t attend church services anymore. He goes out all night and comes back in the early hours of the morning with the explanation that he had to attend business meetings.
Initially, I thought it was another woman but with his insistence that my daughter marries a man old enough to be her father as his third wife is giving me goose pimples. I have this feeling that my daughter is being led to the sacrificial table.
To cap it all the man in question has not bothered to call my daughter once despite the fact that the wedding is expected to take place on October 25. Only his father and my husband are making all the arrangements. Strangely too is the fact that this man has no wife of his own staying with him, except for the two daughters-in-law. Two of his wives have passed on and the other two live outside his home with their children. When I pointed this out to my husband, he told me to mind my business.
I don’t know what to do or what has suddenly come over him to make him now more interested in wealth than his family or his religious beliefs.
Recently when the pastor came to talk to him about this, he told the man of God to leave his house and to forget he has a member in him or in his family.
Having followed your column passionately, you are my last hope because frankly I am down spiritually with all these problems.
Please help me because I have a strong premonition that might daughter’s life is in danger.
My mother has said I should bring the children to the village to stay with her. Is it wise? Please help me because I’m confused.
Funmilola.
Dear Funmilola,
A drastic situation demands drastic action not because they are the most reasonable but the most logical at the time.
If this situation demands you ferry the girl out of the house to protect her from the unknown danger lurking in the corner, don’t hesitate to do it. The powers controlling your husband will not make him see reasons until it is too late.
And this is certainly not the time for you to be confused or weary in the spirit. This is a time you need God the most.
You need to be strong for your husband and family. From all that you have said, it is obvious your husband is under certain influences beyond his control. These authorities are making him misbehave. For him to have driven the pastor out of his house speaks volume of what is happening to his spiritual life.
To be weary is to give in to these powers too and give up the peace and harmony of your family to them. No matter how heavily weighed down you are by this problem, pray you must because God is the only one that has all the powers in heaven and earth to defeat forces you and I as human beings cannot confront, let alone battle.
Also, your daughter should wake up and fight for her life. Attempting suicide is a very cowardly thing to do. It won’t get her father to listen to her nor would it change the cause of things. The only thing that can is to confront her situation with prayers.
Yes, whatever happens to her would affect you being her mother but she would suffer the major consequences. It is her life that is being toyed with. At 18, she isn’t too naive not to know what awaits her if this wedding goes through.
Let her join you in the praying herself out of this situation because this is the beginning of a foundational problem she and her children may never get out of.
Marriage itself is a covenant between two people and when the reason for it is shrouded in mystery as profound as the ones surrounding this one, it calls for real caution because once performed the covenant of oneness, inheritance of every other positive or negative covenants begin to work in the lives of the couples as an entity.
Whatever binds the wife or man with other agreements spill over to the other party. This is why you and your daughter must fight this through God Himself because if even she survives, like the other wives, she would never be able to live a normal life.
There is something wrong with a man who drives away his own wife and inherits his son’s wives.
Ordinarily, your husband should be worried about this man and the nature of his business but since he has chosen to ignore this important issue because of his own interest in the man’s wealth, he lacks the moral will to make a decision on this matter. You must therefore step into his shoes and protect him and the entire family by calling a family meeting outside him on how the situation can be managed.
Since his mother too is against his decision, it would be easy to rally your in-laws to support your decision to send your daughter away for now. Confront them with evidences of your fears, information about the man, his son and all the other women that have been married to either the man or his son. Even if they know about the change in your husband’s attitude, still recount everything to them for them to really appreciate the issues involved. Let the decision of where to send your daughter come from them because you need them to cushion whatever repercussion would come from the decision.
The girl in question is more of their daughter than yours hence the essence of gaining their support for your actions.
But before anything, go to God in prayers. He would show you how to go about it and please get the pastor and the entire church to stand in gap for you because the battle ahead might affect your own marriage as well.
It takes the grace of God to engage the devil in a duel of victory. So put on the armour of God to save your family from the cloud of doom that is gathering against its happiness and peace. Wealth without God’s blessing will not bring peace and joy. This is the point that is lost on your husband, which only God can give him the knowledge of.
Good luck.
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