Dear Agatha,
The impact of your counselling in the lives of people cannot be over-emphasised, to say the least would be an understatement. My question: what are the dangers, pitfalls that could affect inter-racial marriage in a society like ours, and how workable is it considering the socio cultural differences of the society. Your response would be highly appreciated.
Worried Man.
Dear Worried Man,
The major challenge is usually that of understanding the custom of the other person. It is not just mixed marriages that have this challenge every marriage comes with its fair share of this problem. Being basically from different families, values and outlooks are bound to be different. This is why a profound time of courtship is necessary for couples to understand and appreciate their different upbringings. To succeed, the partners must first appreciate that their differences is desirable to their existence, the reason they are together in the first place.
Diversity makes life all the more interesting since it provides us with the opportunity of learning new things about the world we live. To enjoy a relationship in its total essence is to invest time studying and appreciating your partner. When you love someone, attempts should be made at integrating the essence of that person. There is no way, a relationship can never work without either parties going the extra mile at making it work at all cost.
Usually there are no dangers in any relationship except the ones created by our own limitations and unwillingness to let go of our own values, beliefs and conclusions on issues. If we all come to the point of appreciating that there is nothing or position in life that is static, the many problems we daily inflict on our relationships would not occur at all. That one person does something different from what we are used to doesn’t make it abominable, provided it doesn’t conflict with the laws of God and the land.
If going into an inter-racial marriage, apply the principle of fairness. Be receptive to suggestions because what is right to you may be wrong to the other person’s culture. There is always a point of agreement in every situation that is what couples, irrespective of where they are from, creed or colour should always strive for. Nobody is perfect, mistakes are normal hence must be handled with humility, patience and understanding because the shoe could be on the other leg the next time.
Impatience and stubborn rigidity more often than not is what destroys relationships beyond redemption. If you are honest with your abilities to cope and are equally willing to bend backwards to accommodate your differences, you don’t have much to fear going into this kind of relationship. Committing the relationship to the hands of God is one sure way of making it work despite whatever differences.
Good luck.
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