Re: Erectile Dysfunction Denies Me Sexual Ecstacy

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Have Deep Love For Him But Too Swift To Exploit Me

Dear Agatha,

I met this guy last month and we hit it off immediately. He is my kind of guy; very light skinned, bulky, handsome, gorgeous, good mannered, intelligent, you name it. He is a complete replica of one man I loved so much but who turned out to be a married man. I had to let go of my dreams since I am not into dating married men. I naturally thought it was dream come true when I met this other man.

Even though his business wasn’t rosy at the time we met, I didn’t mind because the future was more my concern. However, I am becoming very uncomfortable with him. Barely a month into our relationship, he is already talking about handling some of my father's contracts; though he didn’t know who I was before we met.

He talked about him and I getting the small cuts when we handle 'daddy's jobs. Why is he talking about that so soon or am I being too sensitive? I know people marry even President's and the Dangote's daughters but one has to be careful. We've talked about marriage that was even the basis of our meeting through a family member who thinks we compliment each other especially since both of us didn’t have an existing relationship. I love him, quite a fantastic chap but I feel it’s too sudden to talk about such a thing. What do you think?

Worried Girl.

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Dear Worried Girl,

If a member of your family introduced you two, how come you are confident he wasn’t aware of your family’s status when he first met you? From his attitude and trend of his conversation, there is the need for you to be very careful, not just in discussing your family but in the way you relate to him. For now, keep the relationship between the two of you extremely light, no commitment on your side whatsoever. If you haven’t slept with him already, please ensure you don’t just as you shouldn’t be in a haste to marry him to prevent one of the worst decisions you could make in life.

This man may have the looks of your ideal man but his behavior so far suggests he may not have the right character or attitude towards you. To have suggested you and he rip off your dad is an indication, he may not have scruples at all and may only be using you to get to your father’s wealth and contacts. There is no way you can be sure you know what you feel for him, a month after meeting him. Quite alright he reminds you of the one man in your past you once fell in love with, it is not enough for you to be so convinced that this man has what it takes for you to entrust him with your love.

For now, it seems you are in love with the idea of falling in love; with a dream that lacks the touch and tint of reality. This is quite unfortunate because if this man ends up taking advantage of you, it is because you gave him the right to do so by your inability to determine what is essential to you in a man. His attitude has provided you with the right opportunity to withdraw and study him. Beyond the buoyancy of his good looks, what sort of man is he and what are his values?

As a child growing up, what values and not looks have you always desired in your ideal man? Or are you one of those ladies who are so sentimental about the unimportant thing of a man having the grade A looks? Do you think a man who can propose you cheat on your father wouldn’t cheat on you? Walk out on you if the highest bidder comes along? Frankly, if this man sees in you a goldmine, it is simply because you refuse to take yourself too serious. There are daughters of prominent families who are today doing well in their marriages because from the beginning they set out to look for the right things in their men and marriages.

Yes, your kinds carry unfortunate burden of falling into the hands of designing men, but not when the man is so obvious in his agenda. Insist from day one that you and your daddy are two different entities and that you have nothing to do with who your father chooses to do business with. Let him read the signs that you are not ready to be used by any man to get to your father. If he can’t cope with that, it will be in your interest if you both go your different ways to enable the right man come into your life.

Finally, stop looking at what a man looks like but to who he really is.

Good luck.

Hate All Men I Met…

Dear Agatha,

Please help me with this problem that is threatening to turn my life upside down. I have been into different kinds of relationship, all which end on account of me hating the men after a while. I don’t know what to do. These days to avoid scandal, I simply ignore men completely. Please tell me what to do.

Confused Lady.

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Dear Confused Lady,

What is the scandal? Is it that you have acquired for yourself a damaging reputation in the process of changing men? Are the scandals from your way of life, a free and indiscriminating way of life which presents you as a woman with very little moral value?

Can you think of any plausible explanation as to why you end up hating them after dating them? Can you recall when these feelings begin to sprout? Is it after you become intimate with them or before? What do you find so objectionable about these men? Is it their attitude, treatment of you or response to your person? Or something you cannot even offer an explanation for?

Whatever the reasons maybe there is first the need for you evaluate your stance with God. What is your relationship with God? You need to seek Him for you to overcome this problem which sounds more like a spiritual one. It isn’t normal what is happening to you. Hence you must be alert in the spirit to guard against this problem having the upper hand over your life. To help you determine if this is a spiritual problem or not, look at the common trends in all these men. Do they have the same attitude towards you? What are the thoughts that usually instigate this feeling of hatred inside of you?

If you cannot remember anything specific, look beyond yourself to your siblings, aunties as well as other female relationships. What are there experiences in their own relationships? Do they have tales similar to yours? Chances are if they do, there is then a major problem which only the intervention of God can break. Whatever it is, you need the help of God. Tell your pastor all about it.

Don’t be shy to because by his training and calling, he is equipped to deal with this problem. However, you must have the concomitant faith and trust in God to do all things. You must also learn to forgo hatred and frustration because these are negative feelings that will not help you at all in fighting and winning this battle. On your own, learn to pray since the problem is coming from your end and not from these men.

Good luck.