Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Badly need man, but he’s younger, widower

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

Sincerely, I always appreciate the gift of God in your life.
I would like to seek your opinion on this matter. I am a Christian lady who has been praying for who to marry for years now. I will clock 40 this year. I have total assurance that this is my year.
At the beginning of this year, an old man who had been separated from his wife approached me for marriage, which I totally disagree to.
Not quite long, a friend introduced me to a brother who told me many things about his past, he is also separated from his wife although younger than I am, but he doesn’t know because I am blessed with fine looks.

He hasn’t taken legal step to terminate the marriage, but has plans to do so. His wife started misbehaving because she couldn’t conceive after three years of marriage and eventually left him.
The Bible says male and female He created them from the beginning. A man shall leave his father and mother not his former wife.
My friend is definite I will not have problem with him. Could that be my male?
Rinsola



Dear Rinsola,

How honest are you to yourself? If at 40 you don’t have an idea of what you want from life when will you?

Are you considering this man because he is younger than the old man? If your reason for not marrying the first man is because he is separated from his wife shouldn’t this younger man also be disqualified by you also?

Frankly, you will never know the will of God for you until you are prepared to be straightforward.

To help yourself find happiness, answer this question. Is your reservation because the Bible as you quoted hates divorce or because you are choosy?

First and foremost, even though the Bible is against divorce, it also goes ahead to give condition on which a couple can divorce. It says when a person marries an unbeliever and that person decides to go, the one left behind can remarry as long as he or she marries a believer. So there are conditions attached to everything we do in this world.

The journey of life is one that requires godly wisdom to navigate to safety. The Bible is such a complete book that requires so much understanding and intimacy with its author to comprehend as well as appreciate.

You don’t have age on your side and if you haven’t told the truth to yourself before, this is the time for you to begin to look at the many mistakes you have made along the road.

It is either you have made up your mind not to entertain a divorcee at all because of your religious beliefs or do yourself a world of good by being factual with your situation and choices.

A wise woman would not just dismiss these guys but would listen to their reasons for their divorce. What happened between the marriages of these men and their wives? The gospel truth about life is that not every marriage would work, because at the time of their conception, God wasn’t invited into it. A lot of couples got married for the wrong reasons and if they are not smart enough to go back to God for assistance in mending the wrong bends, such marriages will eventually collapse.

Find out what the situation is between these men and the women they were once married to. Ask questions to find out where the fault came from as well as the chances of reconciliation between these men and their estrange wives.

If there is a chance that both of them may come back, don’t venture into it. But if the separation is conclusive and the man has the support of his children to remarry, you could consider it as long as you have prayed about it.

Furthermore you must learn to tell the truth at all times. From your mail, it is obvious that the younger man has stirred something inside of you and that you are secretly considering him even though he is a divorcee. However, it would be unfair to go into anything with him without telling him the truth about your age. Give him the right to decide whether he would still go ahead with you or not. Your friend could be right that you would not have problems with him, but if you begin your relationship on a note of untruths or half truths, there is no way you won’t have problems with him.

If you deceive him into going into a relationship without telling him your actual age, chances are he would eventually leave you more hurt and disillusioned.

Irrespective of how young you may look, fact is you are older than he is. So do the right thing by telling him how old you really are. Honestly, if he eventually finds out that you lied about your age, he would find it very difficult to trust you again. Without trust no relationship can survive the accompanying challenges of two strangers coming together.

One of the important lessons of life is to admit to your weakness and strength at all times. Don’t follow the bandwagon if it doesn’t work for you. Learn to stand to be counted on the side of your strength at all time to avoid being blamed for doing what you think is right. You have to learn the uniqueness that is you to avoid irreparable damage down the road. Listen more to that tiny voice inside of you than the cacophony around you.

Good luck.