Thursday, May 7, 2009

He Blames My Stinking Private Part On Fatness


Dear Agatha,


I am 21 years of age and disturbed by what my boyfriend said about my private part, which said recently smells. According to him, being on the big side could be responsible for the situation. I am seriously getting scared of losing him. What can I do about the situation? He is the only one who has told me this.

I also wonder if he loves me.

Uju.

Dear Uju,

This issue at hand has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not but that of your health and personal hygiene.

Rather than worry or debate his feelings towards you, it is important you go to a gynecologist first whose duty would be to examine you for any infections or illness that may be lurking in your body.

As a woman, you should be able to tell when you do not smell well. Granted that the female body goes through various stages during the month but an unpleasant smell is one an observant woman cannot miss.

One of the best ways to know if your body condition isn’t healthy is from the pants. When you pull off your pants, can you withstand the smell of it? Is it the spicy kind or the offensive pungent kind that smells like rotten fish?

Unlike the mouth odour where the person involved may not know, the offensive nature of the virginal odour is such that it cannot be missed.

Unless you aren’t truthful with yourself, you must be able to tell when something isn’t right with your body odour. If other men in your life haven’t said anything to you, it is only because they don’t have a stake in your well being. They are only out to get what they want from you in the heat of the moment.

This man must care for you sufficiently to risk his relationship with you by pointing out the obvious. Only a true friend can do what he has done. Lot of men rather than tell you what the problem is with you as a woman, would prefer a live-broadcast of it. Even if he doesn’t care for you in the special way you want him to, it is obvious he cares sufficiently for your happiness and reputation to have told you that. His motive would have been questionable if you had an audience but telling you privately showed that you couldn’t afford to ignore his complaints.

The presence of virginal odour could also come from bad hygiene on your part. If you are used to dirty habits and unwholesome hygiene, you really may not know if you smell or not. This is because your olfactory organs have been conditioned by unhealthy lifestyle to ignore offensive smells.

Once the doctor is able to eliminate the presence of any life-threatening medical condition, focus on your personal hygiene. Ask the doctors for some off the shelf feminine creams or tablets that designed to cure common feminine itches or odours. For starters, throw away all your current pants and under-wears. Invest on new ones and ensure these new ones get proper attention by way of maintenance. The best way to wash pants is to soak in warm soapy water overnight. This procedure ensures that the pants are clean when washed.

Dry in the open air to get rid of dampness from drying in enclosed places. It is also important you, from time to time, iron to further enhance their safety.

On your part, you must develop a thorough cleaning habit by scrubbing your person morning and night with sponge. Being big is not an excuse to encourage dirty habits. Stand in front of a mirror, lavishly dab a feminine hair removing cream on your pubic hair as well as the one under your armpit. Most times, pubic hair encourages the gathering of dirt. For instance, if not properly washed could trap in stubborn blood beads during the monthly flow, in the same way it collects all other flows from the inner virginal.

These collections of discharges turn offensive after a while due to lack of care and attention. However, there would be no place for these various fluid collections to stay if there is no hair in the pubic area to trap them in.

Thereafter, invest in a good feminine wash and deodorant specially designed for that region of the body. And when around the house and it is not that time of the month, you can go pant-less to enable air circulate through the body.

Another thing you can do is to invest on panty liners. They help keep your pants in perfect condition since they absorb all telltale discharges that could discolour the pants or give off unpleasant odours after a while.

The hair under your armpit too must go as it aid body odour. It is also in your interest to invest on a bath brush, preferably the one with long handles to help scrub your back in those areas where your hands cannot reach.

Since you are trying to evolve a sanitary lifestyle, ensure you bath twice a day, morning and night. And learn to pay attention to your special areas just as you must wipe after each use of the toilet. A woman must never be without tissue to wipe when she urinates.

Feminine hygiene is simply about going the extra mile.

If you are in Lagos please see me.

Good luck.

Raped At Five, Am I Wrong Calling Myself Virgin?


Dear Agatha,


My boyfriend is 22 while I am 19. Our relationship is still secret because of the disposition of my parents towards me having a relationship.

I consider myself a virgin because I haven’t had sex in my life, though I was raped at the age of five. I have told my boyfriend that I am a virgin and as a result would not submit myself to him until we marry. He is completely in agreement with me over this.

But I am afraid about how he would react if he finds out on our wedding night that I am not the virgin as I claimed.

Sophia.


Dear Sophia,

You were raped at age five when you had little or nothing to say about what happened to you. You were innocent of the act hence should have told him the truth from the beginning. No decent man would have held you responsible for an act you were too young and innocent to know how it happened or what you could have done to prevent it.

Technically, you may be a virgin but in reality you are not. Whether you did it out of your volition or not, the fact that penetration took place means your seal has been broken.

However, not telling him has put the guilty verdict on you squarely. He would think your decision now is an after thought and may make the story of your rape at that early age difficult to accept as truth.

Besides, it calls to question your motive of keeping the issue from him. Was it really fear or something else? This is the explanation you have to provide him with. It also underscores your understanding of him and the trust you both have on each other vis-à-vis your relationship.

A relationship pampered with plenty of trust, understanding and friendship would not have difficulties dragging something as delicate as this from the cupboards. Having made up your minds to spend the rest of your lives together, this issue is one of the things you should have dealt with long before now.

There is no way someone or somebody close to you wouldn’t tell him about the ugly incident. Not necessarily to spite you but to help him understand whatever behaviours that incident may have brought upon you.

Besides, you may not know the extent of psychological damage to you since you are yet to experience sex with a man in your adult life. The consequences of violent sex often go beyond the injury sustained at the time. For some ladies, they never get over the memory of the incident for life. It takes the combined mercy of God and understanding of their men to help them get back to near normal life.

Before he finds out, tell him the whole truth and why you were afraid to tell him all along. Let him understand in clear terms your fears over telling him and why you think he might not be interested in you again.

If he leaves you on account of telling him the truth, it only means he never loved you and that he only wanted you because of your virginity.

Although it would hurt you but a man who cannot stand by you during your moment of trials isn’t worth your love.

This may be the text your relationship needs to firm up its foundation.

Even though you haven’t displayed enough trust in him in the first place, this incident would act the much-needed barometer to properly gauge his interest in you as well as the amount of confidence he has in your person.

If you wait until your wedding night to tell him the truth, it could torpedo your marital bliss because suspicion would have been created in his mind about the authenticity of your story.

Whatever your fears may be, it is both important and urgent you take him along because it takes a minute to trust or lost confidence in a person.

Good luck.