She still dates her ex…

Dear Agatha, 

Would appreciate your help, I caught my girlfriend cheating with her ex. Before we started dating, I knew she was dating this guy. This is because we attend the same school, same course and same class. She told me he treats her badly and doesn’t appreciate her. I treat her like an angel. She was first in all. Then I caught her cheating on me with this same man.  I told her it was over but she is begging me.
Hurt lover

Dear Hurt lover, 

Did she break up with the other man before you both started dating? No matter how you look at it, you are the third party in this relationship. Rather than encourage her to date you, the ideal thing should have been for you to persuade her to try and make the relationship work. Especially as the person in question is known to you, your classmate!

How were you expecting to conduct a relationship with the girlfriend of your classmate? If you had put yourself in the other guy’s shoes, no matter the temptation of dating this girl, you would have walked away.

You should have asked very pertinent questions when she told you he wasn’t treating her well. You should have asked if he was beating her or cheating on her. 

And before dating her, did you bother to find out the kind of lady she is? From what has happened, it should be obvious to you by now that she isn’t the kind of lady you can trust with your heart. If her excuse is lack of appreciation from her other boyfriend, are you also treating her badly? What is her excuse now for going back to him?

Your warning bell should have sounded when she agreed to date you in the first place knowing that you and her former boyfriend are classmates. Whatever angle you look at it from, a woman conscious of her image wouldn’t take such a risk knowing that the two guys could become good friends.

Now that you have caught her with her former boyfriend, please let go. In the first instance, she was never really yours at all. Ideally, it is always advisable that people should end a relationship, give themselves time to heal before going into another to avoid regrets and hurting of the new person in their lives.

Had she ended the relationship first, given herself time to heal, she would have known if she had sufficiently healed enough to begin something with you. 

At any rate, the harm has been done. She has betrayed a trust so if you are wise and want some emotional stability, move on but give yourself sometime to heal from this act of betrayal so you don’t unwittingly hurt an innocent person who may really love you.

In future learn to be a friend first. This way you get to observe at close quarters the real person of your desire. For a successful relationship to grow, both parties must have the patience, tolerance and willingness to accommodate each other’s limitations. Only with a friend can you have the kind of tolerance that makes two opposite people want to stay together irrespective of the challenges that come from doing so. Good luck. 

 

Tired waiting for good girl…

Dear Agatha, 

I really commend you for all your work. God will keep helping you to solve your own problems too. Please my case is just that I’m not lucky in getting a girl I want and is becoming a problem. Initially, I didn’t see it as a big deal running after girls but strangely I seem to lack the confidence these days. I will be 26 years of age on February 14 and haven’t seen the girl that interests me. 

I need you to help me with any mature lady from late 30s to 40s. Since I can’t get the younger ones, maybe I should try the older ones. Please I will appreciate every effort made for me. 

Confused Boy.

Dear Confused Boy, 

Going after older women isn’t the solution to your problem at all. You will only be complicating your life getting involved with older women. Once you get into the habit, it would be difficult to stop. Unless your motive for wanting older women is different from the reason you stated, it would take more from you to approach an older woman for friendship. Most women within the age group you stipulated would be married with families of their own. What then would be your motive for dating another man’s wife?

At 26, you are young, strong and full of dreams. Don’t begin your life harvesting in other people’s cultivated farms. You may gain momentarily from dating these women in terms of material gains, but ask those who did it before you what remained of the things they got this way. Nothing because money not worked for soon expires. Work as a man to earn your money, have freedom and God’s blessings to spend it on viable things. 

Cheating may be the in-thing but at the end of the day, only those who truly wait on God for His blessings have the peace of mind and body to spend it.

No matter the difficulties that girls your age are giving you they remain your best bet. They may not have the money but they are the ones who hold your future and happiness.

Good luck.